Realtity check on childcare

[sarahcypher]

I'm writing a literary magical realist novel. Any parents or people familiar with the places a child's existence touches larger social systems, I'd welcome your thoughts.

Hypothetically, a child is born to a mother who is not an able parent. The father has already signed away paternal rights, but the mother decides to keep the baby anyway (read: adoption fail). She raises her daughter part-time with the help of an aunt and grandmother. For various reasons I'm leaving out, they all decide to keep the baby away from the usual medical, educational, legal, and social systems as much as they can.

But at what points would those systems push back? Based on your experience, where are other people most likely to get involved? I know there are lots of places, but I just want a real-world check in order to get out of my own head for a minute. Thank you!

 

[cornflake]

I'm writing a literary magical realist novel. Any parents or people familiar with the places a child's existence touches larger social systems, I'd welcome your thoughts.

Hypothetically, a child is born to a mother who is not an able parent. The father has already signed away paternal rights, but the mother decides to keep the baby anyway (read: adoption fail). She raises her daughter part-time with the help of an aunt and grandmother. For various reasons I'm leaving out, they all decide to keep the baby away from the usual medical, educational, legal, and social systems as much as they can.

But at what points would those systems push back? Based on your experience, where are other people most likely to get involved? I know there are lots of places, but I just want a real-world check in order to get out of my own head for a minute. Thank you!

I'm not sure what you mean by adoption fail.

The question depends largely on where they are and what's going on. I'm speaking only about the U.S., as I dunno how it works elsewhere. In general, in many places, if you don't register the birth and see below no one private intervenes, nothing will happen at all, but you've got someone signing papers so the state knows the kid exists.

In some states, you don't need to do anything or just say that you're homeschooling (like file a form) to homeschool, and it's entirely possible no one will check. Some states require anyone homeschooling to have certification, use an approved curriculum, submit standardized test scores, have home visits to ensure schooling is taking place, etc., and there's stuff all in between, like states that just require transcripts but you make them.

As to the rest, it depends on what goes on. If a kid doesn't interact with school authorities or medical personnel, doesn't look like they're in bad condition, no flags are sent up (neighbours don't call CPS because the kid looks filthy and underfed, or they hear screaming and hitting noises) that spur a response from an authoritative body, well, nothing will happen and no one will notice.

The differences in state homeschool regulation, just btw, plus the area, will also play a part. In a coastal, urban area a school-age kid seen outside during school hours will bring questions from outsiders. If a store clerk says 'not in school today?' just as a normal small talk thing, and the person with the kid says they homeschool, no big, but there will be more people noticing, and who likely won't assume that's the answer, and who may get more suspicious over time and eventually might make a call, depending. In a more rural area with less interaction and homeschooling often more common, it might be less likely to raise anyone's hackles.

 

[mpack]

But at what points would those systems push back? Based on your experience, where are other people most likely to get involved? I know there are lots of places, but I just want a real-world check in order to get out of my own head for a minute. Thank you!

It depends on where they are and their precise situation. In many areas, unless a neighbor reports them for something, social services won't push back at all. Social workers tend to be overworked and stretched thin as is. If the family receives any sort of welfare assistance or Medicaid, that would bring them to the attention of the system much faster, but otherwise they can probably keep out of sight indefinitely. Obviously, if the story needs such intervention, just have a local call in a report of a neglected child.

 

[themindstream]

IIRC, "adoption fail" is just a slang term for when an adoption doesn't go through as planned, generally with one or more of the parties involved changing their mind.

 

[sarahcypher]

IIRC, "adoption fail" is just a slang term for when an adoption doesn't go through as planned, generally with one or more of the parties involved changing their mind.

Thanks! And yes, this is what I meant by adoption fail--the father had already signed a relinquishment of parental rights, but the mother changed her mind. This part of the story takes place in Oregon, and I need to poke around for whose names would be on the birth certificate, and how much plausible legal limbo exists around the father's claim, if he wants to reenter the picture later. It's a bit peripheral to the story but still important.

I am seeking to ensure that as a writer who doesn't have children herself, I don't make some completely dumb omission or fail to capture the gist of where a kid 0-7 *definitely* should come into contact with the systems that are considered mainstream (though she herself definitely isn't).

Thanks again for your replies.

 

[frimble3]

I would think that as long as the child is too young to go to school, and accompanied by an adult on outings, few people would even notice. Unless, as said above, obvious bruises or other signs of distress.

 

[cornflake]

IIRC, "adoption fail" is just a slang term for when an adoption doesn't go through as planned, generally with one or more of the parties involved changing their mind.

Thanks for the info! I'm familiar with foster fail, mostly in relation to animals, which works the other way. If you're fostering and decide to adopt, that's a foster fail, which is why I didn't get it with a biological parent.

Thanks! And yes, this is what I meant by adoption fail--the father had already signed a relinquishment of parental rights, but the mother changed her mind. His signing I didn't realize connected to her wanting to as well. Sometimes one parent will sign away their rights so a step parent can adopt, or to not be involved at all

. This part of the story takes place in Oregon, and I need to poke around for whose names would be on the birth certificate, and how much plausible legal limbo exists around the father's claim, if he wants to reenter the picture later. It's a bit peripheral to the story but still important. Id he relinquishes parental rights, no limbo unless he claims he was somehow duped or coerced or some such and he'd have a lot of court fighting to prove it. Termination of parental rights is for good.

I am seeking to ensure that as a writer who doesn't have children herself, I don't make some completely dumb omission or fail to capture the gist of where a kid 0-7 *definitely* should come into contact with the systems that are considered mainstream (though she herself definitely isn't).

Thanks again for your replies.

 

[MonsterTamer]

It would be very easy to keep the presence of a single child secret.

The breakdown would happen with a fractured bone or appendicitis - some major issue that causes a need bigger than the caregivers can handle at home.

 

[frimble3]

"no limbo unless he claims he was somehow duped or coerced or some such and he'd have a lot of court fighting to prove it. Termination of parental rights is for good."
Especially if some time has passed since he gave up those rights. A few weeks, maybe the guy panicked, and now he's settled down, but if it's been years, the court's going to wonder why, and what if he changes his mind again?