Euro-English: spelling reform planned!

reph won't like this, but:



The European Union has revealed plans for a groundbreaking English Spelling Reform. While English will continue to be one of the official langauges in Brussels, certain changes are being considered in order to help non-English speakers comprehend the complicated and often illogical English spelling rules.

"Euro-English", as it will be called, is expected to find international accetance, as it is logical, simple and abolishes the confusion between British and American English. Schoolchildren, parents and teachers especially will be delighted. Some resistance is expected with established writers, which will no doubt be overcome as older writers are replaced by younger, forward-thinking ones.

In order to ease the transition, a five-year plan is envisioned, over which the changes will be gradually introduced.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should disapar.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Gotcha! How far did you read till you "understood"?
This was circulating in Europe a few years ago, just after the Germans undertook a huge and ridiculous spelling reform. The introductory part has several versions - this is one I myself wrote.