Passive writing?

ink blot · Sep 30, 2009

What exactly does that mean? Can someone post a sentence written both passively and non-passively so that I can better understand? Thank you to any who reply.

Matera the Mad · Sep 30, 2009

Pasive: Jo's shoes were put on with haste and her hair was tied back hastily before she was seated in the car.

Active: Jo jumped into her shoes and swept her hair back with a ribbon before she got into the car.

suki · Sep 30, 2009

Generally speaking, if you google "examples of passive and active writing" it will bring up pages and pages of detailed and helpful guides - many written for college writing centers - that can in detail break it down for you. I suggest you go read those, as opposed to relying on select examples here. Having said that, in general, passive writing will come up in two contexts in AW:

1. The more well-known context - using passive verbs instead of active verbs. A few examples (but again, go read up in depth):

Active voice: Subject of sentence does the action.
Passive voice: Subject receives the action.

So, Active voice:

John believes he lost the race because...

Research shows...

The dog bit the man.

Passive voice:

It is believed by John that he lost the race...

It was shown by research...

The man was bitten by the dog.

In general, if you are using a "by" phrase - ie, "by the dog" it is passive.

Similarly, using any form of "be" - is, was - can denote passive voice.

Now, go read some of those more in depth how to spot passive voice and fix it guides...

2. The second context you will see passive writing mentioned is actually less about construction and more about characterization. In SYW people might say your character is too passive, or your query is too passive. In those contexts, often the comment means literally the character is being acted upon (ie, drawn in, forced, lead, chased, etc) instead of being the active catalyst for action.

But usually, in writing contexts, passive refers to number 1, ie, passive construction.

~suki

katiemac · Sep 30, 2009

I wrote this post awhile ago, and I repost it whenever somebody asks this question ...

I'm a peer writing tutor at my university, and I get this question a lot. I skimmed some of the other posts, but I'm just going to go ahead and explain it how I explain it to my students.

First of all, forget that "was" automatically means the sentence is passive. That's not the way it works. "Was" can be a marker of passive voice, but when linked with another verb.

I'll use simple sentences, not to patronize you, but because that's how I finally learned it.

The dog chased the ball. This sentence is active voice. The dog is actively doing something - chasing the ball.

The ball was chased by the dog. This sentence is passive voice. The ball is being passive; it's just sort of hanging around while something else, the dog, is doing the action.

"was (verb) by" is a good indicator that you've got a passive construction.

Still, you'll see a lot of sentences where some of your clues aren't available:

The ball was chased. This is still passive, because something is happening to the ball, rather than the ball (actively) doing something. But in this case, the "by the dog" part is missing. Many times, you'll have to fill the in the "by the dog" on your own to make it work.

Passive: Sam's hair was cut. (Trick: who cut his hair?)
Active: Susie cut Sam's hair. (Answers the question.)

"John's hair was black" is not passive. "He was angry" is not passive. There's no action, or "by the dog" portion of the sentence to turn around. [Last time I posted this someone graciously pointed out in rep that "Sam's hair was cut" is not passive IF you're referring to description. "Sam's hair was cut short," just in a basic sense is like "Sam's hair was black." But if you're talking about the action--Sam's hair was cut by Susie--that is passive.]

I hope at least some of this makes sense. It took me awhile to get the hang of it myself, and it took a couple people to explain it before one day it just sunk in.

ink blot · Sep 30, 2009

Thank you so much for your answers. I think I understand. Katiemac, that was extremely informative.

Now off to google just to make sure I understand it as much as possible. I have this nagging feeling that there is too much passive writing in my MS.

Mumut · Sep 30, 2009

You could say (active) the horse jumped over the wall or (passive) the wall was jumped over by the horse.

Stijn Hommes · Sep 30, 2009

And don't forget, you don't need to evict all passive writing from your work. Sometimes it needs to be there.

kct webber · Sep 30, 2009

I wrote an active sentence.

A passive sentence was written by me.

Kitty27 · Sep 30, 2009

katiemac said:
I wrote this post awhile ago, and I repost it whenever somebody asks this question ...

Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed.

maestrowork · Oct 1, 2009

Passivity is also in the tone or how the stories are told, on a grander scheme. Just because the sentences are passive doesn't mean the story is passive over all. A more problematic issue with passive stories is that the characters are passive -- they react to things, instead of being proactive.

So even if you have all active voice in your writing, your story could still come off as passive because your characters are:

The man chased the criminals -- active voice, active
The man was chased by the criminals -- passive, passive
The criminals chased the man -- active voice, passive

john barnes on toast · Oct 1, 2009

I think this debate should really be limited to what is technically meant by 'the passive voice'.
(Describing reactive, inert or unassertive characters as passive is what confuses people)

In its most simple terms the distinction between the passive and active voice is as follows:

John closed the door (active)

The door was closed by John (passive)

Assuming that this is a story about John, rather than the door, then the passivity or otherwise is determined by whether the subject of the sentence (John) comes before or after the action (closing the door).

maestrowork · Oct 1, 2009

With all due respect, the OP didn't ask about "passive voice" but "passive writing."

The following are both in active voice but one is passive and other active:

Active: I felt vulnerable.

Passive: The situation made me feel vulnerable.

john barnes on toast · Oct 1, 2009

maestrowork said:
With all due respect,

yeh, thanks.

maestrowork said:
the OP didn't ask about "passive voice" but "passive writing."

I'm sure they understand what is literally meant by the word 'passive' in everyday use. I'm equally sure that, as they're a writer and this a writer's forum, that the question they were asking had arisen from hearing of 'passive' as relates technically to the construction of sentences.
I (and most others it seems) therefore felt that that was the important thing to clarify from the outset.

I understood the point you were making, but I think for someone trying to grasp the basics of passivity it's better to leave the subjective application of the word to one side initially.

I think someone needs to get their head around what technically constitutes a passive voice sentence, before hitting them with examples cited as being passive but active. It would have confused the hell out of me.

BlackBriar · Oct 1, 2009

maestrowork said:
The man chased the criminals -- active voice, active
The man was chased by the criminals -- passive, passive
The criminals chased the man -- active voice, passive

Actually, I am interested in this. The first and third sentence are the same, so the PoV was the man in all three? Just making sure.

maestrowork · Oct 1, 2009

john barnes on toast said:
I think someone needs to get their head around what technically constitutes a passive voice sentence, before hitting them with examples cited as being passive but active. It would have confused the hell out of me.

Plenty of people have already talked about passive voice vs. active voice. Also, lots of grammar books cover that.

I was just adding another layer, the actual "passive writing" that goes beyond just passive voice, which most people don't think about. When an agent talks about a novel is "too passive," she most likely is not talking about "passive voice."

Anyway, this is a discussion, and I don't think anyone should dictate how it goes and what can be discussed and not.

Thanks.

maestrowork · Oct 1, 2009

CupofDice said:
Actually, I am interested in this. The first and third sentence are the same, so the PoV was the man in all three? Just making sure.

Right.. it's about point of view as well. If the man is the main character, then the first sentence is active, but the third is a passive action.

When your character is mostly reacting to things, running away, being chased, etc. etc. then your story becomes passive -- it may not have anything to do with passive voice vs. active voice. And most often that's what an agent or editor calls "passive writing." That was my point.

RJK · Oct 1, 2009

Getting back to Passive Voice.
You will see more passive sentences in police procedurals, crime suspense, and mysteries, because the criminal (subject) is unknown. You will see "The lock was jimmied sometime after four o'clock." Passive, but perfectly normal in police parlance, where the person or persons who jimmied the lock are unknown.

maestrowork · Oct 1, 2009

Technical stuff, too... say, if the main character is a technical writer or engineer, chances are he will use a lot of passive voice: "The system will be shut down and all the files will be lost."

suki · Oct 1, 2009

john barnes on toast said:
I think this debate should really be limited to what is technically meant by 'the passive voice'.
(Describing reactive, inert or unassertive characters as passive is what confuses people)

I understand your perspective, but passive writing and passive voice often crop up in SYW to mean characterization, as well. And while I understand your aversion to that usage, and desire that others didn't use it that way, it is often used in both contexts on AW. So...to be clear, I wasn't sure really which context the OP meant.

~suki

ink blot · Oct 3, 2009

Actually, I find all of interesting and informative. Thank you to all.

Also I never realized a sentence could be both passive and active.

Now I'm going to have to go over my work again.

katiemac · Oct 3, 2009

ink blot said:
Actually, I find all of interesting and informative. Thank you to all.

Also I never realized a sentence could be both passive and active.

Now I'm going to have to go over my work again.

To clarify, a sentence can be both passive voice and active voice if you have more than one part to the sentence: "The race was won by Janice but I got second place." The first half is passive voice and the second half is active voice.

One part of a sentence can never be both active voice and passive voice at the same time.

But what others are saying is that sometimes, despite writing all in active voice, the feel and tone of your story can seem passive. This idea of 'passive' is separate from passive voice. This kind of passive is usually a result of lots of passages and writing as opposed to only one sentence.

maestrowork · Oct 3, 2009

katiemac said:
This idea of 'passive' is separate from passive voice. This kind of passive is usually a result of lots of passages and writing as opposed to only one sentence.

Yes, it's usually an aggregate feel to the piece, instead of just sentence level. Still, to illustrate how the same active voice could be passive:

[from the man's perspective]

1. The man opened the door and panicked. The criminal chased after him.

2. The man opened the door and panicked. He ran away from the criminals.

One can argue that #1 is more passive because the active subject's shifted to the non-POV character (the criminals). #2 is more active because it continues to focus on the POV character, and his action; his decision to run.

String a few of these together and the general "feel" of activity/passivity would emerge.

bonitakale · Oct 3, 2009

katiemac said:
But what others are saying is that sometimes, despite writing all in active voice, the feel and tone of your story can seem passive. This idea of 'passive' is separate from passive voice.

Yes, you have to ask, when someone complains that your writing is too passive, whether they mean grammatically (you use the passive voice) or -- what's the word? -- stylistically, maybe. Do they mean too many sentences in which the actor is not the subject of the sentence? Or do they mean, perhaps, too little activity on the part of the hero, or too much bland narration by the author? It could be either one.

(Just as someone who says, "You're using the wrong style," may mean that you aren't punctuating according the rules in some stylebook, or they may mean that you're sounding a bit too flippant or too solemn, too slangy or too formal, for the type of story you're writing.)

ink blot · Oct 3, 2009

bonitakale said:
Yes, you have to ask, when someone complains that your writing is too passive, whether they mean grammatically (you use the passive voice) or -- what's the word? -- stylistically, maybe. Do they mean too many sentences in which the actor is not the subject of the sentence? Or do they mean, perhaps, too little activity on the part of the hero, or too much bland narration by the author? It could be either one.

(Just as someone who says, "You're using the wrong style," may mean that you aren't punctuating according the rules in some stylebook, or they may mean that you're sounding a bit too flippant or too solemn, too slangy or too formal, for the type of story you're writing.)

Very good points.

Passive writing?

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