I really wish cray would stop writing these things. It cuts in to my mornings when I have to come here and post them.
And if he has to keep writing them, why can't he post them himself?
I'm sure Jay and RT are just as troubled about this as I am.
Anyhow, here it is, Chapter nine.
In which nothing much happens.
Just like the other chapters.
[FONT="]And if he has to keep writing them, why can't he post them himself?
I'm sure Jay and RT are just as troubled about this as I am.
Anyhow, here it is, Chapter nine.
In which nothing much happens.
Just like the other chapters.
Chapter Nine[/FONT]
Unlike mere mortals, heroes are not born from mere flesh. They are shaped; honed from the sterner stuff beyond the reach of normal mankind; wrought from the bitter quandaries and failed aspirations this existence called life forces upon them.
Theirs is the story of great suffering. The story, of how such mundane souls manage to rise above the incredible trepidations of their painful experiences.
The story, of how all who follow the path of honesty, who strive to climb the steep steps of ambiguity, who fear not the pain of personal sacrifice but aspire to try; try again and again, to reach that level of perfection that is unknowable to all those pathetic of such spirit.
If our budget allowed, we would seek out this sort of hero who would stymie our antagonists with a mere icy glare, set society upon a streetcar named prosperity and achieve world peace in less than a fortnight.
But, we’re writing on the cheap here.
So you’ll have to settle for a hero that is a bit...tarnished.
Okay...more than tarnished.
Ours is a hero who nearly attains the stature of Adonis but with the mental fortitude of Beavis and Butthead.
Okay. I lied. He’s nothing like Adonis.
What can I say? I’m an unreliable narrator.
Maybe I’ll tell the truth in the coming paragraphs.
Maybe...I won’t.
Deal with it.
Our hero is actually a really nice guy. Loved by all, in fact.
Haggis: Um...writer guy?
A hero who is looked up to; placed upon a pillar by many who aspire to someday stand upon that same pillar themselves.
Haggis: Um...writer guy?
A hero...
Haggis: WRITER GUY!!!
Writer Guy: Er...yes?
Haggis: Time to move the story along, don'tcha think?
Writer Guy: That’s what I’m doing.
Haggis: No. What you are doing is called ‘procrastination’.
Writer Guy: Really? I thought it was called ‘building the scene’.
Haggis: Trust me. It’s called writing ‘crap’.
Writer Guy: <begins to cry> Well, that’s not very nice.
Haggis: I know. But, sometimes we all need a little tough love.
Writer Guy: <wailing> I’m a failure! I don’t wanna do this anymore!
Haggis: You have to. We can’t get anyone else to write this tripe on such short notice. Just do the best you can. Okay?
Writer Guy: Okay. <sniffles> Should I start at the beginning?
Haggis: That will be fine.
Writer Guy: Should I introduce some new characters?
Haggis: That’s to be expected.
Writer Guy: Okay, here goes...
#
<We interrupt this story for a brief message from one of our many fine sponsors:>
Hi, everybody! RT here. I was supposed to post the latest episode of this...um...tripe, but then a thought hit me. Once this little work appeared in my mailbox I remembered I have freewill. I don’t have to post anything I don’t want to.
Neener. Neener.
So, in keeping with that thought, I’d like everyone to stop by ‘Thunder’s Magic Shop’. You’ll find it at the corner of Office Party and TIO. It’s the bestest place to do all your holiday shopping this year. We have a whole buncha specials...
Haggis: Jay?
Jaycinth: Yes, Haggis?
Haggis: He’s procrastinating again. Am I up to date on my shots?
Jaycinth: No, dearest, I don’t believe you are.
Haggis: Ah. Good.
Haggis: <bites Writer Guy on ankle>
Writer Guy: <runs away> Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Jaycinth: So, what’s our backup plan now that you’ve driven Writer Guy away?
Haggis: Hey, we’re only characters in this story. We just have to wait until the other writers take over or replace Writer Guy.
Jaycinth: Ah. Sounds good. Say, who’s that women sitting in front of Writer Guy’s keyboard.
WriterGal #1: It’s just me. I wrote Chapter One, remember?
Haggis: <peers through monitor> Oh, yeah! I remember you two. <wink wink>
WriterGal #1: My face is higher up, pervert.
Haggis: Sorry. Bad habit.
WriterGal #1: No problem. Ready to be publicly humiliated?
Haggis: <sigh> Carry on.
+++++
Will cray ever own up to writing this garbage?
Will Writer Guy return and finish his job?
Will they ever give me some good lines?
Will Robeiae get his hand off my thigh?
Stay tuned for Chapter Ten, same place (sort of), same time (sort of) next week.
