I really thought I'd been forgotten about, written off...all that stuff...but no. no. it was not to be.
By some quirk of fate, no one has managed to get to this secret writer chap and request that he change his strange and unusual ways.
And I've been dragged into this slapstick rendition of a....
never mind. I understand that some of you kind of like this sort of thing.
"Crap!" said Jaycinth, slamming her cell phone shut and flinging it at Bart's head.
"Trouble?" said Haggis.
"That's an understatement. It seems that the Cabaret barflies are on their way to help us out."
"Oh, shit. We're doomed."
"No fooling, Fido. I don't have time to baby-sit them and find Mel too." Jay paced back and forth, deep in thought, occasionally stopping to slap Bart across the face. "Tsuki could help, of course. Sisters OFG and Susie too. But the others...."
"We could have them killed," said Haggis, grinning maniacally, his eyes flashing rapidly and his tail wagging with glee.
"A wild goose chase," said Jay.
"Huh?"
"A wild goose chase. We'll send them on a wild goose chase. Get them out of our hair. Er...fur."
"But we ain't got no geese."
"We'll send Delarege. They'll never know the difference." Jay reached down, picked up Haggis by the scruff of the neck and drop-kicked him across the room. "And that's for using a double negative. How many times do I have to explain that to you?"
"But...but...it was dialogue, Jay. Anything goes in dialogue, right?"
"Not in my story it doesn't. Although, of course, I.Did.Not.Write.This.Story."
"Look, you're upset," said Haggis, reaching into his back pack. He handed a super-soaker to Jaycinth, along with a six-pack of quick-dry polyurethane. "Go ahead. It will make you feel better."
Jay loaded up the pistol and unleashed a strong spray at Bart. Haggis handed her a large container of glitter. "Quick, Jay. Sprinkle it on while the poly's still sticky."
"... and there we sat in the trenches, staring at the enemy across the crater-scarred battlefield, the Armistice mere seconds away. Suddenly..."
"What the hell is that awful stench?" said cray.
Shadow_Ferret shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe we're passing through Columbus, Ohio?"
"Fool," said Cindy. "We're almost to the Nevada border. We'll be in California soon."
"But the smell," said cray. "That vile, loathsome, malodorous stench. What could it be?"
"I stuck Rolling Thunder in the trunk," said Sister Susie. "Never can tell when a Supermod might come in handy."
"But...but that's Rolling Thunder," said cray.
"Oh. Yeah," said Sister Susie, hanging her head in shame. "I guess I didn't think that one all the way through."
They drove on in silence, and passed into California without incident. Just as they saw the sign that announced "LA 60 miles" Tsuki glanced up in the sky. "Look. It's some kind of bird. It's trying to get our attention."
"Why, I believe that's a wild goose," said Inky.
"Let's chase it," said cray.
And so they did, little knowing that the bird was neither a wild goose, nor was it Delarege. Instead, HeronW banked left and led them straight in the direction of BenPanced's evil gang, who waited in ambush for them to arrive.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Texas.
"See, that, there Laura?"
"Yes, George?"
"I don't get it."
"Don't get what, George?"
"That whole wild goose thing. I mean, that's what I used to drink back in the days when I used to have fun. You know. Before I met you."
"Turkey!"
"Huh?"
"Turkey, George. You drank Wild Turkey."
"Oh."
Haggis stood on Jaycinth's shoulders. He reached up and placed the angel atop Bart's head.
"I wish he'd had his fingers splayed before I polyed him," said Jaycinth. "It's so much easier to hang the ornaments that way."
"Yeah, but once we drove the nails into him it worked out just fine. I think he looks great."
"He is looking pretty good. And, thanks, Haggis. You were right. My mood is much improved. There's nothing like laying a sheet of poly on an unsuspecting, innocent bystander to make me feel better."
The tranquility was interrupted by a tapping on our window. "We're thirteen floors up, for Dog's sake," said Haggis. "Who could that be?"
They walked over to the window and pulled the curtains back. There, on a ledge, sat Delarege. They had interrupted him in mid-peck.
"Bart, roll the window open.
"Bart!
"Bart!"
"Jay? You're forgetting something," said Haggis.
"Oh, yeah. The poly."
Jay rolled the window open herself. Del waddled in, then flew to the far side of the room, landing on one of Bart's outstretched arms.
"Aren't you supposed to be leading the Cabareteers on a wild goose chase?" asked Jaycinth.
"No can do, Jay," said Del. "Bad news. The Heron beat me to it."
"You don't mean..."
"Yes, HeronW."
"But, how...why...."
"She's too fast for me, Jay. I mean, look at her wingspan. I did follow them as best as I could, though. They were headed toward a small shack by the ocean. I could lead you there if you want." That said, Del unloaded a glob of whitewash that landed on Bart's leg and dribbled onto the floor."
"Ew," said Haggis.
"Never mind that, Haggis. It's time for action.
"Del, go back to that shack and see what you can find out. Report back here in an hour. It will take me that long to prepare for battle.
"Oh, and be careful of HeronW. I hear she hangs with the BadCat crowd. I'd hate to see what that crew would do to you."
Del saluted and flew out the window. Jaycinth watched him go. Haggis stared at the pile of white glop on the carpet. Bart's expression never changed.
"So, it seems we have no choice, Haggis. We'll have to save the Cabaret drunks while we're getting Mel back too. And we'll have to do it by ourselves."
"Must we go it alone?" said Haggis. "Is there no one out there who can help? Is there no brave, courageous Supermod who can counter the attacks of Dawno and PoetInAHat? No one who can help overcome the combined forces of two Supermods and BenPanced's evil plotters? Is there no one who can help us thwart BenPanced's rudely hatched nefarious scheme?"
"Rolling Thunder," said Jaycinth.
"You're shitting me," said Haggis. "I'm out of here."
.......
Will Jaycinth sprinkle sprinklies?
Will Cindy EVER pity the fools?
Will the Wild Goose kill Robiae before Sister Susie?
Are you getting all this?
Find out when you read Chapter 9 of Fajita Sunrise... same AW-time same AW-thread.
AW ...the place you flee to when the words gain control
By some quirk of fate, no one has managed to get to this secret writer chap and request that he change his strange and unusual ways.
And I've been dragged into this slapstick rendition of a....
never mind. I understand that some of you kind of like this sort of thing.
Chapter Eight
"Trouble?" said Haggis.
"That's an understatement. It seems that the Cabaret barflies are on their way to help us out."
"Oh, shit. We're doomed."
"No fooling, Fido. I don't have time to baby-sit them and find Mel too." Jay paced back and forth, deep in thought, occasionally stopping to slap Bart across the face. "Tsuki could help, of course. Sisters OFG and Susie too. But the others...."
"We could have them killed," said Haggis, grinning maniacally, his eyes flashing rapidly and his tail wagging with glee.
"A wild goose chase," said Jay.
"Huh?"
"A wild goose chase. We'll send them on a wild goose chase. Get them out of our hair. Er...fur."
"But we ain't got no geese."
"We'll send Delarege. They'll never know the difference." Jay reached down, picked up Haggis by the scruff of the neck and drop-kicked him across the room. "And that's for using a double negative. How many times do I have to explain that to you?"
"But...but...it was dialogue, Jay. Anything goes in dialogue, right?"
"Not in my story it doesn't. Although, of course, I.Did.Not.Write.This.Story."
"Look, you're upset," said Haggis, reaching into his back pack. He handed a super-soaker to Jaycinth, along with a six-pack of quick-dry polyurethane. "Go ahead. It will make you feel better."
Jay loaded up the pistol and unleashed a strong spray at Bart. Haggis handed her a large container of glitter. "Quick, Jay. Sprinkle it on while the poly's still sticky."
#
"What the hell is that awful stench?" said cray.
Shadow_Ferret shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe we're passing through Columbus, Ohio?"
"Fool," said Cindy. "We're almost to the Nevada border. We'll be in California soon."
"But the smell," said cray. "That vile, loathsome, malodorous stench. What could it be?"
"I stuck Rolling Thunder in the trunk," said Sister Susie. "Never can tell when a Supermod might come in handy."
"But...but that's Rolling Thunder," said cray.
"Oh. Yeah," said Sister Susie, hanging her head in shame. "I guess I didn't think that one all the way through."
They drove on in silence, and passed into California without incident. Just as they saw the sign that announced "LA 60 miles" Tsuki glanced up in the sky. "Look. It's some kind of bird. It's trying to get our attention."
"Why, I believe that's a wild goose," said Inky.
"Let's chase it," said cray.
And so they did, little knowing that the bird was neither a wild goose, nor was it Delarege. Instead, HeronW banked left and led them straight in the direction of BenPanced's evil gang, who waited in ambush for them to arrive.
#
"See, that, there Laura?"
"Yes, George?"
"I don't get it."
"Don't get what, George?"
"That whole wild goose thing. I mean, that's what I used to drink back in the days when I used to have fun. You know. Before I met you."
"Turkey!"
"Huh?"
"Turkey, George. You drank Wild Turkey."
"Oh."
#
"I wish he'd had his fingers splayed before I polyed him," said Jaycinth. "It's so much easier to hang the ornaments that way."
"Yeah, but once we drove the nails into him it worked out just fine. I think he looks great."
"He is looking pretty good. And, thanks, Haggis. You were right. My mood is much improved. There's nothing like laying a sheet of poly on an unsuspecting, innocent bystander to make me feel better."
The tranquility was interrupted by a tapping on our window. "We're thirteen floors up, for Dog's sake," said Haggis. "Who could that be?"
They walked over to the window and pulled the curtains back. There, on a ledge, sat Delarege. They had interrupted him in mid-peck.
"Bart, roll the window open.
"Bart!
"Bart!"
"Jay? You're forgetting something," said Haggis.
"Oh, yeah. The poly."
Jay rolled the window open herself. Del waddled in, then flew to the far side of the room, landing on one of Bart's outstretched arms.
"Aren't you supposed to be leading the Cabareteers on a wild goose chase?" asked Jaycinth.
"No can do, Jay," said Del. "Bad news. The Heron beat me to it."
"You don't mean..."
"Yes, HeronW."
"But, how...why...."
"She's too fast for me, Jay. I mean, look at her wingspan. I did follow them as best as I could, though. They were headed toward a small shack by the ocean. I could lead you there if you want." That said, Del unloaded a glob of whitewash that landed on Bart's leg and dribbled onto the floor."
"Ew," said Haggis.
"Never mind that, Haggis. It's time for action.
"Del, go back to that shack and see what you can find out. Report back here in an hour. It will take me that long to prepare for battle.
"Oh, and be careful of HeronW. I hear she hangs with the BadCat crowd. I'd hate to see what that crew would do to you."
Del saluted and flew out the window. Jaycinth watched him go. Haggis stared at the pile of white glop on the carpet. Bart's expression never changed.
#
"Must we go it alone?" said Haggis. "Is there no one out there who can help? Is there no brave, courageous Supermod who can counter the attacks of Dawno and PoetInAHat? No one who can help overcome the combined forces of two Supermods and BenPanced's evil plotters? Is there no one who can help us thwart BenPanced's rudely hatched nefarious scheme?"
"Rolling Thunder," said Jaycinth.
"You're shitting me," said Haggis. "I'm out of here."
.......
Will Jaycinth sprinkle sprinklies?
Will Cindy EVER pity the fools?
Will the Wild Goose kill Robiae before Sister Susie?
Are you getting all this?
Find out when you read Chapter 9 of Fajita Sunrise... same AW-time same AW-thread.
AW ...the place you flee to when the words gain control
Great pic, Heather!
What's that pointy thing in the middle!?
