Standard disclaimer*
Cray, stop sending me these things! And while you're at it, stop sending them to RT and Jaycinth too. You're starting to get on our nerves.
You realize I have no choice but to post it. I have to get the stench out of my inbox somehow.
But you should know by now, cray, that the people who have already read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and Chapter 5 have had enough. They're fed up with this drivel.
So, stop it.
SRSLY.
Maybe if all you folks hit the Paypal button and send a nice contribution to AW, cray will stop this madness. It's worth a try, huh?
So, do it. Do it for Haggis. Do it for the good of humanity.
Thank you.
Chapter 6
Thirty minutes later, Haggis and Jaycinth pulled up in front of the Omni Hotel in downtown LA.
“Wow! What a classy joint!” Haggis said as he hopped from the Limo.
“Yeah. GeeDub knows what a republican gal likes,” Jay replied as she strode around the car and tossed the valet the keys. “Let’s go in. Our reservation should be ready.”
Jay walked into the lobby as Haggis trotted behind her towards the front desk. An odd little man with a hunched back, thick eyeglasses and a runny nose greeted them.
“Hallo hallo hallo! Welcome to the Omni, mates!”
“Thanks. We have reservations for...”
“Oy! We’ve been expecting you. Ms. Cinth! It isn’t everyday we have an enchantress and her little dog stay here.”
“He’s a nutcase,” Haggis whispered to Jay. “Most of the women in the lobby have small dogs.”
“You’re in LA, mate. We’re all nutcases,” the man replied.
“Oh, yeah. Right. Say...have we met?”
The little man wiped his nose on his sleeve and rang a small golden bell sitting on the desktop. A larger man appeared and lurched up to the desk.
“You rang?”
“Take our guests to the thirteenth floor, Bartholomew. And don’t scratch their luggage.”
Haggis and Jaycinth followed Bartholomew to the elevator.
“Since when does a hotel have a thirteenth floor? I thought that was taboo?” Haggis said.
“You haven’t read the fifth book of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, have you?” Jay yawned.
“You know I prefer horror to humor, Jay.”
“Funny you should say that,” Bartholomew said as he pulled a huge knife from a hidden sheath.
“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Haggis shrieked and fell over in a dead faint.
“A bit on edge, isn’t he?”
“It’s okay, Bart. He just needs a drink. Say, is that my Bowie Knife?” Jay said.
“Yeah. You must have forgot it after your last visit. I wanted to make sure you got it back.”
Bart picked Haggis up as the elevator door opened on the unmarked floor thirteen and headed down the dimly lit hall as Jaycinth followed. The hallway seemed more like one found in a sparsely furnished office building than a swanky hotel.
“Your usual room isn’t available, Jay. You’ll have to stay in room twelve.”
Jay grabbed Bart by his throat and slammed him up against the wall. “What’s wrong with room thirteen?”
“There was a party there last night. The people left quite a mess...you know, body parts and stuff!”
“And you didn’t call me?” Jay snarled.
“You told me never to call again...or you’d fillet me alive!”
“Ah, yes,” Jay said as her eyes glazed over with happy thoughts.
“Um...Jay? I’m getting kinda hungry. Can we go in now?”
“Ah, you’re awake, Haggis. Yeah, I’m a bit famished myself.”
Bartholomew opened the door and motioned and stood back as Jay and Haggis entered. The room was lavishly decorated with rare Picasso paintings, floored with rose hued marble tile and outfitted with fine leather furniture.
“The mini-bar is located inside the Master Bedroom,” Bart said as Jay slipped him a twenty. “Any special requests?”
“Yeah. Is the dining room open?”
“Alas, no. But you can order room service,” Bartholomew said as he bowed and backed out of the room.
“What? It’s only six o’clock!” Haggis yipped at the closed door.
“Odd, isn’t that? It’s almost as if...”
A knock at the door interrupted Jay. Before she could move the door swung open and the odd little man from the front desk entered, pushing a cart.
“Room service, mates!” he chimed.
“But we didn’t order anything yet.” Haggis said.
“I know,” the odd man replied. “But I need to have a word with both of you, so I arraigned this in advance.”
“You’re not really the front desk clerk, are you?” Jay said as she grasped the butt of the Glock hidden in her back holster.
“Lucky gun,” Haggis muttered.
Shut up. I’m telling this part of the story.
“Oh. Sorry, Mr. Writer-Guy.”
Now, where were we...ah yes:
“You’re not really the front desk clerk, are you?” Jay said as she grasped the butt of the Glock hidden in her back holster.
“Of course not! I am –Clockwork-, agent 009-3/4 of MI6!” the odd man replied as he tore the glasses from his face and stood up straight.
“I knew I recognized that runny nose!” Haggis said. “How’ve you been, Chris?”
“Fine, mate! But I wish I could say the same for the two of you. You’re both in great peril.”
“We’re always in great peril, Chris.” Jay sighed. “So, what’s the word on the street?”
“Well, you might have noticed your usual room isn’t available. You need to come with me to room thirteen. You have to see this for yourself.”
Chris offered his arm to escort Jay. “Um...no thanks,” Jay grimaced as she noticed the slimy green hue of the sleeve.
“Um...can we eat first?” Haggis asked, gazing longingly at the room service cart.
“Sure, mate. But the food is poisoned.”
“Why is the food poisoned?”
“Old habits are hard to break. Come along, time’s a wasting.”
Jay and Haggis followed Agent 009-3/4 to room thirteen.
“Brace yourselves. This isn’t pretty.” Chris said as he unlocked the door and pushed the door open.
The room sparkled to life as Chris flicked on the lights. There was blood splattered everywhere and somewhat recognizable body parts lying about.
“Why is everything so...sparkly?” Haggis said as he rubbed his eyes. “And why are there dismembered Care Bears all over the place?”
“Ah. Hard to miss, ain’t it?” Chris murmured. “Jay, you should know whose calling card that would be.”
“Yes, I do.” Jay said. “Only one assassin leaves sparkles behind to mark her kills. Dawno was here.”
“Aye. I arrived too late to save the poor critters, although I think I might have helped her and the Capped Killer with their handiwork,” Chris said as he stepped gingerly over what looked to be Grumpy Bear.
“Poetinahat is out of retirement?” Haggis and Jay gasped.
“Oh, yes. Check the mirror in the bathroom. There’s a message written in Care Bear blood, which I believe was left for you specifically, old boy.”
“Jay. Don’t make me go in there. I don’t wanna see that horror.” Haggis wailed.
Jay grabbed Haggis and stuffed him into her ample cleavage. “You’re not wiggling out of this, mutt. It’s your fault Poet went over to the other side.”
Jay strode across the carnage and turned on the bathroom light. There on the mirror were words scrawled in blood:
Oh, the night is pretty
Oh, the night is young
Oh, the Care Bears died so swift
Like Buffalo Chicken Lungs
Soon the light will shine once more
Soon it will swiftly die
All because a certain dog
Done went and ate my pie
“I knew he never forgave me for that.” Haggis muttered. “But, ya know, if you walk away from your pie you abandon it to the hungry Chihuahua. Everyone knows that.”
“Yeah, well, if Dawno and Poet are working with BenPanced we’re in big trouble. We need to call in reinforcements
###
Will Bart remain unharmed?
Will Poetinahat realize that "young" doesn't rhyme with "lungs?"
Will Clockwork's nose stop running?
Will OFG stop complaining that she hasn't had a speaking role lately?
Will Susie kill Robeiae?
Stay tuned 'til next week, same time, same forum for Fajita Sunrise, Chapter 7.
*I.Did.Not.Write.This.
Cray, stop sending me these things! And while you're at it, stop sending them to RT and Jaycinth too. You're starting to get on our nerves.
You realize I have no choice but to post it. I have to get the stench out of my inbox somehow.
But you should know by now, cray, that the people who have already read Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and Chapter 5 have had enough. They're fed up with this drivel.
So, stop it.
SRSLY.
Maybe if all you folks hit the Paypal button and send a nice contribution to AW, cray will stop this madness. It's worth a try, huh?
So, do it. Do it for Haggis. Do it for the good of humanity.
Thank you.
Chapter 6
Thirty minutes later, Haggis and Jaycinth pulled up in front of the Omni Hotel in downtown LA.
“Wow! What a classy joint!” Haggis said as he hopped from the Limo.
“Yeah. GeeDub knows what a republican gal likes,” Jay replied as she strode around the car and tossed the valet the keys. “Let’s go in. Our reservation should be ready.”
Jay walked into the lobby as Haggis trotted behind her towards the front desk. An odd little man with a hunched back, thick eyeglasses and a runny nose greeted them.
“Hallo hallo hallo! Welcome to the Omni, mates!”
“Thanks. We have reservations for...”
“Oy! We’ve been expecting you. Ms. Cinth! It isn’t everyday we have an enchantress and her little dog stay here.”
“He’s a nutcase,” Haggis whispered to Jay. “Most of the women in the lobby have small dogs.”
“You’re in LA, mate. We’re all nutcases,” the man replied.
“Oh, yeah. Right. Say...have we met?”
The little man wiped his nose on his sleeve and rang a small golden bell sitting on the desktop. A larger man appeared and lurched up to the desk.
“You rang?”
“Take our guests to the thirteenth floor, Bartholomew. And don’t scratch their luggage.”
Haggis and Jaycinth followed Bartholomew to the elevator.
“Since when does a hotel have a thirteenth floor? I thought that was taboo?” Haggis said.
“You haven’t read the fifth book of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, have you?” Jay yawned.
“You know I prefer horror to humor, Jay.”
“Funny you should say that,” Bartholomew said as he pulled a huge knife from a hidden sheath.
“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” Haggis shrieked and fell over in a dead faint.
“A bit on edge, isn’t he?”
“It’s okay, Bart. He just needs a drink. Say, is that my Bowie Knife?” Jay said.
“Yeah. You must have forgot it after your last visit. I wanted to make sure you got it back.”
Bart picked Haggis up as the elevator door opened on the unmarked floor thirteen and headed down the dimly lit hall as Jaycinth followed. The hallway seemed more like one found in a sparsely furnished office building than a swanky hotel.
“Your usual room isn’t available, Jay. You’ll have to stay in room twelve.”
Jay grabbed Bart by his throat and slammed him up against the wall. “What’s wrong with room thirteen?”
“There was a party there last night. The people left quite a mess...you know, body parts and stuff!”
“And you didn’t call me?” Jay snarled.
“You told me never to call again...or you’d fillet me alive!”
“Ah, yes,” Jay said as her eyes glazed over with happy thoughts.
“Um...Jay? I’m getting kinda hungry. Can we go in now?”
“Ah, you’re awake, Haggis. Yeah, I’m a bit famished myself.”
Bartholomew opened the door and motioned and stood back as Jay and Haggis entered. The room was lavishly decorated with rare Picasso paintings, floored with rose hued marble tile and outfitted with fine leather furniture.
“The mini-bar is located inside the Master Bedroom,” Bart said as Jay slipped him a twenty. “Any special requests?”
“Yeah. Is the dining room open?”
“Alas, no. But you can order room service,” Bartholomew said as he bowed and backed out of the room.
“What? It’s only six o’clock!” Haggis yipped at the closed door.
“Odd, isn’t that? It’s almost as if...”
A knock at the door interrupted Jay. Before she could move the door swung open and the odd little man from the front desk entered, pushing a cart.
“Room service, mates!” he chimed.
“But we didn’t order anything yet.” Haggis said.
“I know,” the odd man replied. “But I need to have a word with both of you, so I arraigned this in advance.”
“You’re not really the front desk clerk, are you?” Jay said as she grasped the butt of the Glock hidden in her back holster.
“Lucky gun,” Haggis muttered.
Shut up. I’m telling this part of the story.
“Oh. Sorry, Mr. Writer-Guy.”
Now, where were we...ah yes:
“You’re not really the front desk clerk, are you?” Jay said as she grasped the butt of the Glock hidden in her back holster.
“Of course not! I am –Clockwork-, agent 009-3/4 of MI6!” the odd man replied as he tore the glasses from his face and stood up straight.
“I knew I recognized that runny nose!” Haggis said. “How’ve you been, Chris?”
“Fine, mate! But I wish I could say the same for the two of you. You’re both in great peril.”
“We’re always in great peril, Chris.” Jay sighed. “So, what’s the word on the street?”
“Well, you might have noticed your usual room isn’t available. You need to come with me to room thirteen. You have to see this for yourself.”
Chris offered his arm to escort Jay. “Um...no thanks,” Jay grimaced as she noticed the slimy green hue of the sleeve.
“Um...can we eat first?” Haggis asked, gazing longingly at the room service cart.
“Sure, mate. But the food is poisoned.”
“Why is the food poisoned?”
“Old habits are hard to break. Come along, time’s a wasting.”
Jay and Haggis followed Agent 009-3/4 to room thirteen.
“Brace yourselves. This isn’t pretty.” Chris said as he unlocked the door and pushed the door open.
The room sparkled to life as Chris flicked on the lights. There was blood splattered everywhere and somewhat recognizable body parts lying about.
“Why is everything so...sparkly?” Haggis said as he rubbed his eyes. “And why are there dismembered Care Bears all over the place?”
“Ah. Hard to miss, ain’t it?” Chris murmured. “Jay, you should know whose calling card that would be.”
“Yes, I do.” Jay said. “Only one assassin leaves sparkles behind to mark her kills. Dawno was here.”
“Aye. I arrived too late to save the poor critters, although I think I might have helped her and the Capped Killer with their handiwork,” Chris said as he stepped gingerly over what looked to be Grumpy Bear.
“Poetinahat is out of retirement?” Haggis and Jay gasped.
“Oh, yes. Check the mirror in the bathroom. There’s a message written in Care Bear blood, which I believe was left for you specifically, old boy.”
“Jay. Don’t make me go in there. I don’t wanna see that horror.” Haggis wailed.
Jay grabbed Haggis and stuffed him into her ample cleavage. “You’re not wiggling out of this, mutt. It’s your fault Poet went over to the other side.”
Jay strode across the carnage and turned on the bathroom light. There on the mirror were words scrawled in blood:
Oh, the night is pretty
Oh, the night is young
Oh, the Care Bears died so swift
Like Buffalo Chicken Lungs
Soon the light will shine once more
Soon it will swiftly die
All because a certain dog
Done went and ate my pie
“I knew he never forgave me for that.” Haggis muttered. “But, ya know, if you walk away from your pie you abandon it to the hungry Chihuahua. Everyone knows that.”
“Yeah, well, if Dawno and Poet are working with BenPanced we’re in big trouble. We need to call in reinforcements
###
Will Bart remain unharmed?
Will Poetinahat realize that "young" doesn't rhyme with "lungs?"
Will Clockwork's nose stop running?
Will OFG stop complaining that she hasn't had a speaking role lately?
Will Susie kill Robeiae?
Stay tuned 'til next week, same time, same forum for Fajita Sunrise, Chapter 7.
*I.Did.Not.Write.This.
... ahem,... behind fajita sunrise.
