Plot help?

[Aholm83]

I'm trying to create a fantasy story where an aging assassin is approached by a teenaged merchant's daughter. She believes her father is being targeted because, while being wealthy, he also leads the Traders' Guild that opposes the import of illegal spell ingredients. The killer laughs it off until he discovers that an upstart rival has been brought in to complete the job.

Not wanting to be implicated in any wrongful deeds, the head of the Mage's Enclave hired the rising star of assassins. A premature attempt is made upon the father's life, only to discover that he, his daughter and the older assassin have fled the city.

The girl wants to keep her father safe and learn who is (directly) behind this. The old killer wants to defeat his rival and perhaps retire. Daddy dearest wants to survive while making the Mage's suffer. The hired gun wants his man and the hunt is on...

Does this sound at all plausible?

 

[Hallen]

Plausible, eh, it's fantasy. It's our job to make the implausible plausible. But, it's not ridiculous.

I know this is just a quick sketch, but...

It's fairly obvious that somebody involved with the "mage guild" is the culprit. You might consider twisting that up a bit. Use the obvious culprit as your false trail, and build in something more devious. Just a suggestion.

You're going to have to work hard to make me believe that a retired assassin gives a rip about anybody else's work. Why should he care? He's an assassin and by definition, he's cold, calculating, and sociopathic. The assassin with the heart of gold is becoming about as cliche' as the hooker with a heart of gold. Having said that, it's still doable, but you're going to have to put some thought into how you're going to make it work.

It's your story. If you're happy with your plot, then write it and blast to what anybody else thinks.

 

[LOTLOF]

You could remove all the fantasy elements and this would work fine as a thriller.

 

[Aholm83]

You could remove all the fantasy elements and this would work fine as a thriller.

It certainly could, but then it feels like "The Professional." Or is it just me? (great film, btw)

 

[dpaterso]

Does this sound at all plausible?

Yes. Start writing it, if you haven't already!

Just saying, if you're wanting to brainstorm the idea further, take note of our Brainstorming Sandbox forum, password = vista

-Derek

 

[Johncs]

Does this sound at all plausible?

Add in some six guns and a squinting Clint Eastwood, and you have all the elements of a good spaghetti western...

 

[LOTLOF]

Your plot is solid. You have some interesting character archetypes and clear sources of drama and conflict. The plot might be a bit similar to 'The Professional'. Personally it brought the movie 'Silverado' to mind or even shades of 'The Magnificent Seven'. That's fine as nothing is ever 100% original.

Now you get to flesh out the plot details, develop the characters and setting, and bring the story fully to life. A good, interesting story idea is nothing but the start. Now the hard part starts.

 

[Reziac]

I like it. Lots of off-the-beaten-path elements. Someone mentioned the heart-of-gold cliche -- that didn't come to mind for me; rather that the retired assassin's reputation is at stake, or something off in that direction, cuz I immediately thought of bristling indignation rather than a golden heart.

So go write it, and find out what really happened.

 

[rwm4768]

Sounds like it can work. You won't know until you write it and people read it.