Exercise: Top Ten Worst Christmas Presents

Yay! Another exercise! Um...erm...uh...dang it. Now I have to THINK...I can only come up with five right now:

5. "My Super Secret Exit Plan" by Donald Rumsfeld
4. "Gain 30 Pounds in 30 Days!" by Kirstie Alley
3. Transexual Barbie -- Turns Into Ken Before Your Very Eyes!
2. The Director's Cut Platinum Series -- "Gigli", "Heaven's Gate", "Ishtar", "Shanghai Surprise", "Swept Away" (Madonna Verision ONLY), "Hudson Hawk", and "Pluto Nash" all in one perfect package! (Special Offer: If you order before the end of the decade, we will automatically re-wrap your gift for re-gifting.)
1. A Republican Congress

I can't find my toy catalogue for inspiration, but off the top of my head 4 offerings...

1. Bored Games (yawn)
2. Pay Station 3 (like Play Station only waaay more expensive)
3. Menopausal Barbie - she can tuck her boobs into her pants and now with glow in the dark hot flashes.
4. Shatz (when the Bratz dolls were babies and still in diapers - comes with life like poo)

eta Barbie needed more.

Some more...

5. My Little Tony - just what every small aspiring "family" member wants - their very own hitman. Doll comes with a selection of gats, shivs, trench coats, fedora and comb.

6. G.I. D'oh - Homer Simpson enlists - muscles are for wimps he has a REAL six pack (of the liquid variety)

7. Retch a Sketch - for those times when you feel artistic after after drinking Homer's six pack. Comes with one size fits all rubber gloves for finger painting.

8. Queasy Bake Oven - comes complete with packages of Anchovie Caramel Souffle and Lutefisk Surprise. Would make an excellent gift in conjunction with "Retch a Sketch."

9. Stinky Toys - A variety of the worlds smelliest animals all on wheels so you can drag them room to room to share the fun with family and friends. You can run but you can't hide from the Stinky Toys special effects.

10. Kintendo - download pictures of your family and then place them in exteme peril. You may or may not be able to save them from alien death rays, cyborg slime monsters or the evil Dr. Amputator. Brochure on how to deal with nightmares, and behavioural changes, extra.

WOW

You all have set the bar high (or is it low?)!

I'll have to take many minutes away from work to ponder this one.

1) Intellivision, the orriginal --look Kids, Mommy found this one in a garage sale!

2) Mix and match Sock game

3) Grow your own Brocolli Farm

4) Real national geographic "Army Ants Boot Camp" --army ants that you insert directly into a real boot, insert your foot for hours of reminders of your little friends.

5) Barney Grows Up --the story of how Barney lost his baby teeth, grew to full T-Rex size and ate all the human cohosts. Wait, I'd pay to see that....

6) The Clapper Crapper --clap your hands to flush the toilet, for when a person is in a rush and has no time to flush...

7) Do it Yourself Dentures

Tori Spelling's upcoming memoir

A picture's worth a thousand words:

1.

2.

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4.

5.

10) Surprize babies that aren't yours.
9) IRS Audit papers
8) Forclosure notices
7) pink slips
6) Food Poisoning
5) news that the outlaw inlaws are coming for two weeks in one day.
4) domestic tools that require physical labor --new broom, vacumn, plunger, trash can, all entitle the receiver to an instant $$$ shopping spree at the store of his/her choice at the giver's expense or #3
3) Divorce papers
2) Ex's jewelery or clothing
1) Anything contagious

Here are a few 70s & 80s Worst Christmas Presents:

Edible Underwear (Who is doing the eating?)
Parachute Pants (Fad only lasted 5 months)
Skorts (give me either a pair of shorts, or a skirt)
Woman’s head Chia Pet (Where the hell am I going to put this thing?)
Pajamas with Feet (I’m cutting the bottoms off)
Toe Socks (Why?)
Raggedy Andy (Hello, I said Ann)