I am unsure whether I should have the following excerpt from my book as one paragraph or as three. I originally wrote it as three, but a member of my crit group thought I should meld it all into one paragraph. I like the suggestion, but I also liked the way it was before. Any advice would be appreciated.
Three paragraphs:
He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out.
It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon knew there was a chance for adventure out here.
Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.
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One paragraph:
He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out. It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon knew there was a chance for adventure out here. Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.
If this is too vague out of context, I'll post the whole page. Just didn't want to put a strain on anyone's eyes.
Three paragraphs:
He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out.
It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon knew there was a chance for adventure out here.
Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.
#
One paragraph:
He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out. It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon knew there was a chance for adventure out here. Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.
If this is too vague out of context, I'll post the whole page. Just didn't want to put a strain on anyone's eyes.
Good luck with it!