"The hiding place has obviously been used before."

for something physical, maybe add footprints? depends on what kind of location it is. also, your line could be interpreted as sarcasm because of the word "obviously", but that's me reading into it without any context.

I also agree with the sarcasm touch. I would strongly suggest some quick indicators.

"A path through trampled down weeds, leads up to a hollow in the brambles where scrapes and gouges in the earth mark a well used entrance."

Of course I don't know what kind of hiding place you are taking about. But I would make it visual, use this little description to really pull your reader in.

I'm reminded of the archeologist in AvP who unearths an ancient cave, reaches inside, and comes out with a Pepsi bottle top.

-Derek

LIVIN said:

So, I'm editing a script and I came across the line:

"The hiding place has obviously been used before."

So, then I think, should I show this by placing an additional item in the hiding place (in addition to what is being placed there)? But, I think it's the worn feeling of the thing (you know when you use something a lot and it becomes, I don't know, whatever it becomes). I don't feel a need to put something in the hiding place unless it is necessary to convey:

"The hiding place has obviously been used before."

So, is this line - in and of itself - enough to convey that it has been used before? Or, do you think I need to physically show it?

Me thinking:
Due to the fact that the hiding place is being used implies that it has been used before. But, I don't want someone to misinterpret that it's something new. (Yes, this is important to the script.)

Click to expand...

Not knowing your story, it's a bit hard to interpret the context in which the line is meant -- is this someone coming acros a hiding place that obviously been used by others before? Or are we to infer that this is a hiding place that has obviously been used before by the person who is now hiding in it? Recently used? Used a long time ago? A light burning? Food on shelves? An open book on the table?

Is this a room? An apartment? A cave? A crawlspace? What you've told us gives us so little information, it's hard to answer the question.

And what is that distinguishes a "hiding place" from just a, well - a "place."

And do you want us to know that this place has been used before *as* a hiding place -- sort of like the underground railroad -- or just used before as a place -- where people have been, like maybe an abandoned shack?

And are we suppsed to know that it has been used before recently -- as a hiding place?

And we have no way of knowing how much more information the context of your script gives to the reader -- but it had obviously better be a lot more information than is contained in the above.

To convey that somebody is, distinctively, a "hiding place" -- you've got to show that it is, in fact, "hidden" -- it's under the floor board beneath the carpet, or whatever -- and if all the supplies are there, ready to be used, we'll get the idea that it's a "ready-to-go" hiding place.

Of if the door creaks and everything's covered with dust, we'll get the idea that it hasn't been used in years.

But whatever it is, you have to give us some idea of the physical space, because if you write, "It's an upscale suburban living room" -- we all can pretty much fill in the details.

But if you write, "It's a recently used hiding place" -- collectively, we don't really have much of a frame of reference for what that means.

NMS

Not knowing your story, it's a bit hard to interpret the context in which the line is meant -- is this someone coming acros a hiding place that obviously been used by others before? Or are we to infer that this is a hiding place that has obviously been used before by the person who is now hiding in it?

Click to expand...

You've already told us you're taking out the line ...

But yeah, that's a good point raised above: there has to be a clear difference between a hiding place where people successfully HIDE, versus a hiding place that has been visited (and has been DISCOVERED)

That's exactly the sort of trap we writers can fall into, where WE knew so clearly what we ... we catch that a first-time READER might understand things differently!

Another reason it's always good to get feedback from objective readers! The more eye balls on the page, the more likely someone will catch something amiss.