I feel like such a fraud sometimes!

My work is finally getting out there, I have revised work that is now produced, I have written stuff that is slated for production and things are moving forward and I'm getting paid, so why do I feel like such a fraud?

Why do I feel sometimes like I don't deserve any of this and that I'm going to be discovered that I don't really have any talent at all.

I think it's the fear of moving into the public eye. I'm not being judged by a company any more but by the public opinion. What if they don't like my work?

It scares and excites me that my work is going to be out there next year for people to see. Bared naked in the waves of public opinion.

I'd heard of other profession writers saying the same thing and never understood it until now.

Anyone else feeling like that?

Yeah I suppose.

I'm still scared to death. Writing is really where I want my career to be and I suppose this is the juncture to see if I have what it takes to really run with it.

Thanks Ace

Thanks Derek,

I know all this, I really do. It's just those feelings of insecurity creeping up.

Sara

You're probably right Odo. I don't have to worry about the crippling fear though, I want it too badly to turn back now. Besides it's on their side now. My part is done for the moment.

I stopped writing the last few days and took the time to read "The Talisman" by Stephan King and Peter Straub and read "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer. Reading always helps put things and desires back in their places. Reading other's stories especially good stories help fire up the drive again. Taking care of projects around the house also help.

It all puts distance been me and my project and well distance can be healthy, also clears the mind.

Thanks Chris,

I suppose part of my problem is there's a lot happening at once. The project started small, a couple revision work and editing, I'd done almost as much on the SYW and had done a few in depth critiques on the side so it was nothing new.

Then it bubbled bigger and bigger. Now my own projects are going to hit the line and are being discussed in production meetings and I'll be attending my first real production meeting in an exciting country at their expense this year. My head is whirling and I'm trying to keep firmly on the ground and not let this go to my head and then it hit me that my stuff, my writing, with my name on it was going to be seen by other people and I suddenly felt very vulnerable.

I think part of it is because this is the anniversary to both my acceptance and release and contract release of my Publish America nightmare. Everything starts in January it seems.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it.

Thanks Ryle,
I probably shouldn't be worried about other people's opinions but unfortunately the business of a writer is to please at least a certain section of public opinion, otherwise our careers wither and die. Since I want a career that involves public opinion, it's still going to make me nervous, but I'll try hard not to let it get to me.

Haha Preyer. You're such a hoot. Somehow I can't even put myself in that picture you just painted. I can't see myself ever yelling at anyone for a line being too long. I'm usually the woman with the large cart letting people go in front of me because they only have a couple of items in their arms.

I also don't drink so the DUI and slapping is out. Not to mention I have a problem with authority (It scares me to death!)

I'll work on the confidence thing though and I will definitely breathe a sigh of relief when it hits projected sales.

Thankfully I've already passed the first set of visions, the first three projects have been produced and the staff has been pretty happy. I've gotten to see trailers and they look pretty darn cool. I just have to wait and see what everyone else thinks about them.

Hi Trish,
Yeah, sometimes admiting you've actually earned the final result is the hardest step. Congrats on the agent.

Preyer,
I don't even know how to respond to that. I can't imagine even thinking that way. I fear for the world when you become rich and famous.

And yeah, you were. Little steps right?

Thanks Nate,

I too am comforted because it means there's a slot in there somewhere for me.

Rainbow, I highly agree with that. I have many stories to tell and I don't think I'll ever find my way to LA. My husband is dead set against cities so I'll just have fun travelling for production meetings whenever I get the chance. And yeah, it is certainly my goal to try for publishing again this year, at least this time I know how to do research and know more what to look for and who to ask.

Congratulations as well! Sounds like things are running well for you.

Well I'm feeling better now. I've decided not to even think about those things, just look forward, not to the side, not back, just plow ahead. It seems to be working.

Hehe I think I can guess. Though I'm determined to beat both stereotypes. As Chris said, I'm not forced to feel a certain way, I have a choice. I'm choosing to be happy, to take each success and failure in stride and always have an upward reaching goal. To always remember there's more to learn more ways to improve. I want to stay grounded without going too far and sinking downward. I think anyone can do it, I'm certainly determined to do so.

Ah so I see. A walking paradox. Well I really don't plan on living up to that stereotype.