SEX

Prawn · Oct 9, 2007

I thought that might get your attention, you perv!

I have noticed that in my novels, sex between singles can be graphic, but sex between married couples happens off scene. I didn't do it on purpose, but there it is. If you include sex in your novels, does it tend to be less graphic among marrieds?

Azraelsbane · Oct 9, 2007

I only have three in depth sex scenes across four books, so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this, but since when has that stopped me from posting?

Of those three, two happen between a married couple and the third is between two people in a long standing relationship, though not married.

Most of my singles sex is off camera. I never really thought about that before now. Good question!

Claudia Gray · Oct 9, 2007

I think it's easy to fall into the trap of considering married people sexually settled -- read, "boring" -- both for reader and for writer. Novelty's charms are many but obvious. OTOH, I think there could easily be a lot of room to write about married sex (or sex in a long-term relationship) and reflect the deeper psychological dynamics going on.

That said, I don't think you have a problem concentrating on the "new" couples. It is what most readers would anticipate, and ultimately, you've got to write what you feel.

Celia Cyanide · Oct 9, 2007

I think we tend to think of characters the way we think of our friends. We tend to assume that our married friends have sex. If a married friend told me that she had sex with her husband, I'd wonder why she was telling me. If a single friend told me she had sex, I'd understand why, because she would be explaining a new development in her relationship.

Devil Ledbetter · Oct 9, 2007

The most graphic sex scene in my novel happens after my characters marry. However, what happens in that scene drives them apart. So it's plot-worthy sex.

Maybe most married sex happens off stage because it's not plot-worthy.

Julie Worth · Oct 9, 2007

Sex between married people? That's disgusting.

Azraelsbane · Oct 9, 2007

Julie Worth said:
I've done exactly the same thing. Sex between married people? That's disgusting.

Hmm, I guess I'm weird. Oh well, I'm totally not cutting the sex scene where one of them sets the other on fire. :LilLove:

maestrowork · Oct 9, 2007

The basic question is: What is the purpose of the sex scene? Does it move the plot along, develop characters, or enhance the themes? Where is the conflict?

To me, it doesn't matter if the characters are married to each other or not. It's all about drama and conflict. Or else the sex scene is gratuitous (unless you're writing erotica).

CaroGirl · Oct 9, 2007

Hm, thinking, thinking. I don't think I've ever written a scene with sex between married people. Perhaps that's your answer right there.

Elodie-Caroline · Oct 9, 2007

Gawd no. Once my heroine is happily married, in between plots, she lets her hair down and goes at it like never before! Eat your hearts out Rabbits. She's happy and has complete trust in her man, something she's never had before, so she doesn't try and hide her pleasure

Elodie

Prawn said:
If you include sex in your novels, does it tend to be less graphic among marrieds?

Elodie-Caroline · Oct 9, 2007

Agreed. I write the sex scenes, nothing graphic, to show the emotions that go with the lovemaking; how they talk and think before and after the act.

maestrowork said:
The basic question is: What is the purpose of the sex scene? Does it move the plot along, develop characters, or enhance the themes? Where is the conflict?

To me, it doesn't matter if the characters are married to each other or not. It's all about drama and conflict. Or else the sex scene is gratuitous (unless you're writing erotica).

PeeDee · Oct 9, 2007

There is no sex. The overbearing man beats the woman, who finds her inner strength and goes on a deep journey of self-discovery and getting in touch with her feelings until she starts her life over.

...oh. Wait, I'm getting "me" confused with "Lifetime Network."

Yanno, I've never had to write an explicit sex scene. If I needed to, I would, but it's never come up in the course of my stories.

sunna · Oct 9, 2007

Interesting question. As all of my characters are thus far unmarried, I haven't run into this one yet. But the sex scenes I enjoy reading the most and the ones I write (I hope) all further character development and plot: and I guess most people assume that married couples have already settled whatever needs settling in that department. Not always the case, of course. There's always room for improvement, or hey, just invention.

I guess I'd decide based on whether the scene was, as Devil put it, plot-worthy.

I don't think I'd do a fade-out on a married-sex scene if there was a reason for a play-by-play description; nor would I give details on any sex scene - single, married, or group fun - if it was purely gratuitous.

Sassee · Oct 9, 2007

Less is more, imo. Make hints... no juicy details. Leave that to the reader's imagination.

Although you're right, I never noticed married sex being off stage. I think it's like what Celia said up there - it's more important to single people when they have sex because they aren't in that serious relationship. "Getting physical" is a step towards that (usually), so it's more important character development (usually).

Also, if there does happen to be an "on stage" sex scene with a married couple, it automatically clues the reader in that something is going to change for them. Good, bad, whatever. Something significant will happen. Sex "off scene" usually means everything is hunky dory unless otherwise implied.

Prawn · Oct 9, 2007

I have sex in my novels (HA!) between married people, but it happens off-stage, like an affectionate kiss in the morning as a reminder of what happened the night before.

Devil Ledbetter said:
It's plot-worthy sex.

That's what most men want from their wives, something plot-worthy!

PeeDee · Oct 9, 2007

"Honey, I'd really like to have a passionate night of sex with you and your newfound twin sister, however I feel that it would be an extraneous scene which does not add to our character and would be redundant, so I think we should skip directly to the next morning over breakfast."

Prawn · Oct 9, 2007

My wife does have a twin sister, and I have always thought she looked pretty plot worthy.

Voyager · Oct 9, 2007

Prawn said:
I thought that might get your attention, you perv!

I have noticed that in my novels, sex between singles can be graphic, but sex between married couples happens off scene. I didn't do it on purpose, but there it is. If you include sex in your novels, does it tend to be less graphic among marrieds?

Dude! What is THAT all about? I do the same thing. I think Ray is on to something, though. By the time my characters are married, most of the tension and conflict is resolved and at that point, it just becomes gratuitous. While in real life, gratuitous sex is my favorite sport, it doesn't do much for a story.

scarletpeaches · Oct 9, 2007

No-one in my WIP is married, but I do have inter-species sex.

Oh, and it's lesbian inter-species sex. Does that get me more WOO-HOO points?

PeeDee · Oct 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
No-one in my WIP is married, but I do have inter-species sex.

Oh, and it's lesbian inter-species sex. Does that get me more WOO-HOO points?

Ah...no. Because the species are probably "Heifer & Welsh"

scarletpeaches · Oct 9, 2007

Shapeshifter and human, actually.

Care to rethink, PeeDee?

avid-dreamer · Oct 9, 2007

The characters in my first novel and the ones in my WIP are not married and I do have a graphic imagination so there are some really steamy scenes. I do try to keep it poetic and beautiful and not sleezy. There is a fine line between the two.
I don't think we should skimp on the married sex. We should make it just as sexy and ...uh..mouth-watering.

PeeDee · Oct 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
Shapeshifter and human, actually.

Care to rethink, PeeDee?

no, no, welsh and heifer is burned into my mind. I'm going to go have a lie down.

JoNightshade · Oct 9, 2007

Okay, I do the exact opposite. If unmarried characters have sex, it's off camera. My married couples get to do it on screen. My mom once told me (when I was a young'n, thus scarring me for life) that everything in your married life is reflected in the bedroom. For that reason I think sex between marrieds often does have a lot to do with the story.

I think the only reason my unmarried characters do it off-screen, however, is because most of my main characters are married. Or get married in the course of the novel. And the kind of people I write about are usually not people who would be brave enough to have sex before marriage.

Prawn · Oct 9, 2007

PeeDee said:
no, no, welsh and heifer is burned into my mind. I'm going to go have a lie down.

PeeDee is lying down. Any takers? It had better be plot-worthy!

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