Help! How do I interpret THIS rejection?

You have the same exact problem I had a little while ago. I made the changes like they had suggested and sent it back to the publisher for a second review only to discover now they think I can't write when before they said my story was well written. It reminded them of Charmed before so I tried to fix it so it wouldn't. Now they say one of my chapters is from Buffy and I don't even watch that show lol. Seen the movie that's it.

My story is very different and full of things going on but that's life, at least for me lol. Its a YA and yes the MCs father turns out being evil and only had kids to use as a sacrifice for a cult he belongs to. For YA, it may have been too much according to the publisher but I didn't think it was. Sorry, I'm still burnt from their reply.

Anyway, good luck with your story. Make the changes if you agree with them and send it off to other places as well. What one agent says, another may disagree. Stay positive and keep trying. I will. I would never give up, no matter how hard it is to be accepted and you shouldn't either.

Amber

That line about seeking out a freelance editor sounds like one of those agencies that has them waiting in the wings. Did they suggest anyone?

I'd say finish your WIP, then worry about revising the first ms. Did you have anyone crit it for you? Maybe you can get some editing help with it.

"Unsettling" shouldn't be an adjective anyone pulls out when describing pace. And a good agent should know that, right?

To be honest, as far as interpreting this rejection, I just plain wouldn't. The vagueness of it, not to mention the errors you went through and the fact that this is an older manuscript (I believe), means I would just stay the course. You've got one full of THAT book out with one agent, right? So you seem to be in a good place as it is.

I'd wait for a reply from the other agent who has a full. Then, you'll have a clearer idea of what to do overall.

JoNightshade said:

And no, this is a manuscript that I've never had beta read by anyone. I sent off a bunch of queries right when I joined AW, and have since become quite aware of its defects.

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I can understand your confusion and frustration. To be honest, as I read that rejection email, I got the impression that it was a generic rejection—somewhat clever with interesting terms like “unsettling” and “truncated”—but nonetheless generic. The lack of concrete examples and constructive feedback made me think that all they did was came up with a fancy way to say “no thanks” so it sounded somewhat personal. Also, by your own admission, the manuscript might not have been ready for prime time. Judging from the strangeness of the email wording and the initial confusion with the agent leaving, I would move on. Continue to work on your current book and wait to see what happens with the other agent that has the first one. If it is rejected as well, get some trusted beta readers to review it before sending it out again. Good luck.

Dude--rejoice--you're ALMOST there and you got some amazing specific feedback. They even want to see it again once you fix the glitches!

Just so you know, the same thing happened to me back in the day. I got similar feedback, figured it out, and sold the piece to them the second time around.

STAY AT IT!!!

You can learn to work on two pieces at the same time, you kind of have to when you go pro because everyone's in a hurry except to sign the checks.

Otherwise, put your WIP on the shelf for the moment and clean up the first one so you can get it out again.

For the "the use of detail should be truncated" you need feedback from a good beta reader or find a local writer's group that knows what it's doing.

Go through your MS with the highlight function and use a different color for what's going on. Description can be in green, dialogue in blue, plot points in red, and so on. Then use your zoom function to reduce it to 25 or even 15%. If you're top heavy in any one color it will show up right away.

If you don't have a highlighter, then change the font colors.

Some readers are description junkies, the more the better, but editors are looking for tighter prose that they can sell.

Tom Clancy goes into the red zone when it comes to over-descriptions and life history of every character and their pet, not to mention describing the same bit of action from multiple viewpoints that add nothing to moving things forward.

BUT-- his FIRST book was a lean and mean bit of decent writing. Afterward the publishers went wimpy on giving him a proper edit.

I can read a Clancy book in just a couple hours if I choose by skipping over pages of him showing me how much research he did. (Also known as "I've suffered for my art, now it's your turn".)

Good luck!!

JoNightshade said:

Just now, however, I got this email from an AGENT (not an assistant) at the first agency:

Thank you for the opportunity to consider [TITLE]. Your work, though interestingly heartwarming and unconventional, is a bit unsettling stylistically. There are moments throughout the manuscript where the pace of the plot could be quicker and the use of detail could be truncated.

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My interpretation: the story stops cold too many times for description, slowing the plot down.

Long passages of any sort of digression, including description, tend to put the story in a coma. There's only so many times one can be revived from that state before becoming permanently dead.

Joe Moore said:

To be honest, as I read that rejection email, I got the impression that it was a generic rejection—somewhat clever with interesting terms like “unsettling” and “truncated”—but nonetheless generic.

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Really? I thought it was incredibly specific.

Joe Moore said:

The lack of concrete examples and constructive feedback made me think that all they did was came up with a fancy way to say “no thanks” so it sounded somewhat personal.

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Dude, no editor or agent has time to go through a manuscript and give specific examples.

When we do take the time, we're far more likely to get letters back from the author trying to argue.

For that agent, the story stopped cold from too much description and the piece was sluggish. I have seen this a lot in pieces (and have rejected pieces for the same reasons), so maybe that's why I think it's specific.

I once got a similar rejection from PMA (who first lost the manuscript and then found it). They said they'd be willing to look again if I found an editor to fix the slow beginning of the otherwise "eloquent" novel. After another email it turned out they had a name for me, at something like a $3000 fee.
I passed.

I think Gillhoughly has a point.

And if you're aware of problems in the MS don't you have to fix them anyway, just for yourself?

You can rewrite while you wait for the agent with the full to get back to you. Then, if they accept it, great, you just want to tighten up a few things and you'll send it off. If they reject it, well, you already have an invitation to resubmit at the first agency.

Brava!

popmuze said:

I once got a similar rejection from PMA (who first lost the manuscript and then found it). They said they'd be willing to look again if I found an editor to fix the slow beginning of the otherwise "eloquent" novel. After another email it turned out they had a name for me, at something like a $3000 fee.
I passed.

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Sounds like WL agency in diguise

I agree with the suggestions to revise, especially since you said you see areas that could be improved. It's your decision whether you want to wait to hear back from the agent with the full or start on it now. If you want to keep pursuing representation for this work, it's worth your while. I've got one WIP that's dead in the water right now because I just don't want to do the work on it. My head's moved on to other stories.

JoNightshade said:

Thanks everyone for the input! I emailed the agent back and thanked him for the input and asked him for a little clarification about exactly where it needed help. I am going to continue working on my WIP, but I'm also going to print out this manuscript and start going over it to see what I can cut.

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That's always fun.

What?

But I really do like it!

It's an illness.

This is why agents do not like giving feedback on rejections- it starts a dialogue which as they don't represent you is quite unproductive- IMO
I would not waste any more time agonizing and move on to using beta readers, prune excess description and get the plot moving forward. It's great you have another WIP - I usually let drafts sit and go back to older works and edit/revise. After sitting you can see more clearly what is needed.
Good luck!

Try to do another rewrite -- fix and trim and cut and rearrange and go through another round of crits/beta and send it out again.

A no is still a no. No reason to dwell on it.

JoNightshade said:

Thank you for the opportunity to consider [TITLE]. Your work, though interestingly heartwarming and unconventional, is a bit unsettling stylistically. There are moments throughout the manuscript where the pace of the plot could be quicker and the use of detail could be truncated.Despite the positive merits of the work, we have decided not to offer you an agency agreement of representation at this time.

Unfortunately, the intense competition in the current market forces us to be extremely selective and we believe that you would be better served by another agency. However, if you were willing to seek out a freelance editor to assist you with revisions, we would be willing to view another draft.

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I'm detecting a distinct whiff of bull$hit emanating from this rejection letter. There's the fact that they apparently lost it, then told you it had been rejected, then sent it back with a non-form letter. Then there's the weird critique. "Interestingly heartwarming"? "Unsettling stylistically"? None of that suggests someone with a firm grasp of what the hell they're talking about. And then you get them telling you, essentially, you need someone to tell you which bits to blue-pencil in order to fix it. Which you'll need to do to sell it, because of the 'intense competition in the current market', which these sharp fellows are right on top of, by the way, being as how they're all prudent and stuff. I don't buy it. See, the rejection letter is unsettling me, stylistically. They don't sound like agents or editors or any sort of publishing professional. They sound like scam artists.

This is where you tell me it's PFD, or something, right? I'll get me coat.

JoNightshade said:

I am going to continue working on my WIP, but I'm also going to print out this manuscript and start going over it to see what I can cut.

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Ultimately, remember: it's your call. It's your work.

It's not always about cutting, either.

It may simply be that you've got too big a lump here, too little over there, and that mixing it better (like mashed potatoes) is what you need.

Or you might need to add more.

I'd say revise it. Even if they are full of crap, it never hurts to try and tighten it up a bit. I would revise it and resubmit.
P

Read your story over to yourself some few times. (not on the computer) make sure everything seems fine to you. Give it to someone you know, have them read it with a pen or read it once without, then again with a pen. Do it with a couple people if you like. See their suggestions, if they work use them if they don't, don't.
If I could recommend anything (though I'm in no position to do so) Do not change things you don't want to even for editors! Worst case scenario I would see is, Start a new Novel. The next time around you will have learned from previous goes at doing it. (no matter how many you've written)
The trick I find is to try to make your novel exactly what you want... I do realize there is a money issue in all of this, but! if you go around sacrificing your personal feelings towards your work it wont have good results in the end... by the end I mean when you start writing new projects you're going to look at it as something someone else wants you to write, not what you want to write. If you stay true to yourself then you're going to learn for yourself, grow upon yourself and do it write. I speak to you as whoever you are because I find the most important thing in this cockamamey life is allowing the pure Shwog you do to be your shwog! And no one elses!

"There are moments throughout the manuscript where the pace of the plot could be quicker and the use of detail could be truncated." That means he thinks your descriptions are too lengthy and slowing down the plot.
He said an awful lot of positive stuff too!