Sex scenes or not?

Kristiina · Sep 9, 2007

Well, I just posted to that thread about songs for a sex scene, and that got me thinking about an old problem of mine.

I'm one of those readers who doesn't much like sex scenes, mainly because most times they don't do much for me. I love the tease scenes (that one in the Loreena McKennitt song 'Highwayman' where he can only touch her tumbling locks, ahh...), but most times when the couple gets past that I start skipping. Or yawning if I decide to read everything through. I much prefer the closing doors, when what happens after that is left to my imagination.

So, in my own writing I tend to leave the actual sex out. But I do like those tease scenes. Am I giving false signals if I use them and then skip the sex?

JJ Cooper · Sep 9, 2007

I'm like you Kristiina.

I believe the thrill is in the chase. Only have one sex scene so far in my WIP and it was a tense build up, end chapter, and new chapter begins with them smoking away (although I wanted the chapter opening with him snoring, but I can't because it's his POV).

JJ

nandu · Sep 9, 2007

Underplayed sex is very effective.

I don't know, whether with the present permissive society in Europe and America, it is possible to have the hero and heroine never uttering a single word of endearment to one another, while the sexual undercurrent rages underneath. It's done quite a lot in India.

Nandu.

James D. Macdonald · Sep 9, 2007

If required to advance the plot, reveal character, and support the theme, yes.

If not, no.

~grace~ · Sep 9, 2007

James D. Macdonald said:
If required to advance the plot, reveal character, and support the theme, yes.

If not, no.

Exactly. I hate gratuitous sex. Or violence. But if it serves a greater storytelling good...

badducky · Sep 9, 2007

If you have to ask, probably not.

Andre_Laurent · Sep 9, 2007

I let my characters do the wild thang, when it's time for it, but I don't show it. Probably because I couldn't write a sex scene if my life depended on it. :tongue

JanDarby · Sep 9, 2007

Ditto to what Uncle Jim said.

A sex scene is, first and foremost, a scene. That means it has to do what every single other scene in the book does -- move the plot forward, reveal characterization and so on. If so, the action occurs on-stage. If not, the action occurs off-stage.

Ironically, given the genre I write in, I skip most sex scenes in books I read. Because they're often gratuitous or at least marginal, in terms of plot and characterization. OTOH, if I read a sex scene that truly qualifies as a scene that moves the plot forward, then I do read every word, b/c to skip it would leave me not understanding the story.

And if you want a brilliant example of that (the non-gratuitous sex scene), read pretty much any book by Jenny Crusie, especially Welcome to Temptation and the new one with Bob Mayer, Agnes and the Hitman.

JD

scarletpeaches · Sep 9, 2007

I usually 'leave them at the bedroom door'. I've written one graphic sex scene which was essential to the plot for reasons I won't go into here...mainly because I'd blush. And blush I did, once I read it back. But there you go; I'm such a sweet and innocent girl.

Marlys · Sep 9, 2007

Kristiina said:
I love the tease scenes (that one in the Loreena McKennitt song 'Highwayman' where he can only touch her tumbling locks, ahh...),

To give credit where credit is due, those aren't McKennitt's lyrics: "The Highwayman" is a poem by Alfred Noyes that she set to music.

On the subject of sex scenes, I agree with James and Jan: sometimes they're necessary, and sometimes they aren't. I do think you're in trouble if your story calls for a sex scene and you can't bring yourself to write it--if you're skipping something that should be there, the reader is going to feel that something's wrong.

Stijn Hommes · Sep 9, 2007

If writing only the teasing scenes is what you're comfortable with, just do it.
There's plenty of novels that skip the explicit sex so I don't think you'd send off the wrong message.

Azraelsbane · Sep 9, 2007

I just cut a sex scene from my wip. Some people screamed at me. It's very important that the sex happens...but I wasn't happy with the way the scene played out, so I cut pov from the girl right before they have sex, directly to the guy afterwards. People might be pissed but they'll have to deal. I have a threesome in the first 6 pages of my novel, and even though it's not in extreme detail, they'll have to live with the "sorta kinda behind closed doors" thing.

I HATE gratuitous sex in books. Some people can write sex scenes really well, others just ruin a book for me. Especially the people who decide to do 20 page long sex scenes... If it's 20 pages long, I bet the chars are bored out of their minds by the end too.

scarletpeaches · Sep 9, 2007

You know what I hate more than graphic sex in novels? Flowery, romantic, trains-and-tunnels, fireworks sex. "Oh my darling, darling, I love you!" and all that shite. Sex is funny and squelchy and sweaty and you don't always orgasm, and sometimes it hurts.

(But sometimes you want it to).

dclary · Sep 9, 2007

alternatefish said:
Exactly. I hate gratuitous sex. Or violence. But if it serves a greater storytelling good...

What I wouldn't give for a little gratuitous sex...

Azraelsbane · Sep 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
You know what I hate more than graphic sex in novels? Flowery, romantic, trains-and-tunnels, fireworks sex. "Oh my darling, darling, I love you!" and all that shite. Sex is funny and squelchy and sweaty and you don't always orgasm, and sometimes it hurts.

(But sometimes you want it to).

/agree

I've said I love you during sex, but "Oh my darling, darling..." was definitely NOT what came before it. :ROFL:

I have a scene where someone gets set on fire during sex... Now that wasn't pretty at all. LoL.

scarletpeaches · Sep 9, 2007

Men! Want to know how to make your missus cry when you're having sex?

Phone her up and tell her!

Andre_Laurent · Sep 9, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
I have a scene where someone gets set on fire during sex... Now that wasn't pretty at all. LoL.

Now that must be one hot scene......ducks and runs for cover. :roll:

willietheshakes · Sep 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
You know what I hate more than graphic sex in novels? Flowery, romantic, trains-and-tunnels, fireworks sex. "Oh my darling, darling, I love you!" and all that shite. Sex is funny and squelchy and sweaty and you don't always orgasm, and sometimes it hurts.

(But sometimes you want it to).

Excuse me from the boards for a moment. I think I need a little alone time.

Marian Perera · Sep 9, 2007

Azraelsbane said:
I have a scene where someone gets set on fire during sex...

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. Literally.

scarletpeaches · Sep 9, 2007

I don't think they do get set on fire. I think it's just a bad case of herpes.

Azraelsbane · Sep 9, 2007

Andre_Laurent said:
Now that must be one hot scene......ducks and runs for cover.

Ha! Funny!

It is...it is... Simultaneous burnination and orgasm ftw!

Azraelsbane · Sep 9, 2007

scarletpeaches said:
I don't think they do get set on fire. I think it's just a bad case of herpes.

No... no... one of them inherits the ability to control fire when she "accidentally" kills her previous lover. There really is fire. LoL. Control isn't her strong point.

Lyxdeslic · Sep 9, 2007

Sex scenes, for me, are the hardest to tackle; it's easy to slip into purpleville when writing them.

I agree with the general concencus: no need to get graphic unless vital to your plot/characterization.

I have two in my current WIP. The first is pretty graphic, only because it's my antagonist being a complete sadist. The second is between my protag and the main female lead. It comes 3/4 of the way into the book and, of course, has been building the whole time. Mostly, the entire chapter is build-up to the point of *tee-hee* penetration, then they disappear behind a waterfall and the chapter ends. Unless you can think of some innovative ways to show the actual act of the sex (please, writhing, pounding, making love like their riding a wave...has been done to death), honestly, there's no need; it's all in the build-up baby.

Of course, this is just one idiots opinion.

Lyx

scarletpeaches · Sep 9, 2007

I don't want to set the world on fi-yurrr...I just want to start...a flame in your loins...

ZannaPerry · Sep 9, 2007

A writer of romance myself, I would leave the sex scene in because to me it's what truly brings your hero/heroine together. Emotionally, mentally, physically. If you only do a little teasing you're going to end up teasing your reader as well.

Sex scenes or not?

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