my love is inside you - new song, critique desired

Thank you so much, writermom! you kind of echoed my thoughts... and re age group - my fears! My target audience: e-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y. or at least all seekers of truth, of any age... does that make sense??

I've been working on the song more Is this better? (I know its kind of a radical change!)


There is just one moon,
In one kind of sky,
Since the dawn of time
She's been shining just for you and I.

There is just one beating heart,
A symphony of strings,
Life is fragile, pulsing, through our veins,
Drums of joy and suffering,

There is just one sun,
That could blind your eyes,
If you try to find,
Your soul reflected in the skies,

For your soul is many things,
Reflected everywhere,
And your mind is everything,
Its secrets are the open air.

I'm seeking a love that’s connected,
I'll tear down the walls they've erected,
It's time to see you're not protected
Until you can drop your defenses

Don't seek and you'll find what you need to
Don't speak and you'll hear what would please you
There's nothing to fear when you're fearless
As long as you feel what you're feeling

There is just one moon,
In one kind of sky,
Since the dawn of time
She's been shining just for you and I.