Support from spouses, lovers etc.

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Azura Skye

I'm just curious how many writers here can share their love of writing with their spouse or partner. Are they supportive? Are they even interested? I know how hard it can be when you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't share interests or goals with you.

I wasn't sure where to put this post so feel free to move it to where it belongs if it doesn't belong here.
 

Stephenie Hovland

My husband wants me to be happy, but he really has no interest in even reading through most of my stuff. Sometimes he humors me, skims the piece and tells me it looks good.
 

SRHowen

My husband has no interest in reading what I write--most of it is not his cup of tea. But he does support my writing even if he doesn't want to read it.

Shawn
 

novelator

My husband was so threatened by my characters, by the whole idea that I could dream of a career, he finally told me and my daughter to get the "F" out. So we did. Drove from Texas to Montana in a twenty year old car to a town where we didn't know a soul. That was over a year ago.

Mari
 

vstrauss

My husband doesn't want to read what I write either, which for a long time puzzled and hurt me, though I've pretty much come to terms with it. Oddly enough, though, he loves brainstorming with me about plot and characters. Whenever I get stuck on something, we go for a walk and have a plot consult. He's given me lots of good ideas, including the ending for my WIP. My characters are almost as real for him as they are for me.

In other ways too, he's incredibly supportive--he has never fussed about the fact that we could have a much higher standard of living if I had a regular job. Just as important, he's completely non-threatened by my sometimes extreme absorption in all this writing stuff. I've talked with writers whose spouses are dismissive, obstructive, or downright hostile, so I really appreciate how lucky I am.

- Victoria
 

novelator

You are all very lucky, or blessed, to have a supportive spouse. I yearn to find a man someday like my friend's husband, who remodeled their house to give her an office, bought her a new computer, and said, "Write me a Pulitzer."

Mari
 

Pellegrina Leoni

Support from spouse...

My husband is unfailingly supportive and encouraging. Not only does he read my work but he delights in hearing me read the final drafts aloud. When I get discouraged, he helps keep me going.

Yup, I'm a lucky gal. :D
 

underthecity

Re: Support from spouse...

I think so far, we've only heard from the female spouses. Is a husband allowed to post?

If so, my wife and I are total opposites. I love to read and love to write. My wife does not like to read at all (except she did read and enjoy the Harry Potter books. Which was fine by me!). She also doesn't really care for history either.

However, she has been wonderfully supportive with my writing career, and although she likes and appreciates my two books (Cincinnati Subway and Cincinnati on the Go), she really doesn't read them. I only asked that she at least look through them, which she has.

She also worked full time while I was unemployed for nine months, attempting to start a freelance writing career. Although she and I both work full time jobs now, she still doesn't mind my writing on the side--as long as it doesn't totally consume all of my time.

She also doesn't mind because she knows it's a means to an end. I write articles on the side which generates money, and I'm going back to work on my next book. The publisher wants the next book, so I'm not just writing it on speculation.

underthecity
 

XThe NavigatorX

Re: Support from spouse...

Under,

I think we have the same wife. I could've copy and pasted your response and put my book title (titles in August) in there instead.
 

mr mistook

Re: Support from spouse...

My girlfriend is supportive of my quest to finish this first novel. She did a little beta reading a few months back, but I've been too busy revising and writing to let her see anything more, though I discuss the characters and plot with her from time to time.

She's also working on a story, and from what I've read it's fabulous. She's a born comedianne, and being a bit younger than me, she's working on a brilliant peice of satyrical fan-fiction right now. I hope to God she can publish it, but the genre and style is so candid and innovative, that it's sure to blow fuses throughout the cloth-wired industry.

Reguardless, I beleive in her as a writer, and I know she's only just beginning to test her talents. One day she'll hit the big time, and maybe i will too, God willing. Until then we have each other and our dreams.
 

pepperlandgirl

husband...

My husband does not like to read or write at all. He claims he doesn't have the patience. How a English major and a literature geek like me fell in love with him, I'll never know. (Joke, joke.)

That being said, he's extremely supportive. He understands when I don't get a summer job so I can work my books, he always helps me when I have writers block, he gives me ideas and encouragement, he lets me read my work aloud to him during the editing process, and he has so much faith in me that I'm a little scared of letting him down. There's no doubt in his mind at all that one day I'll be a successful writer.
 

reph

Re: husband...

My husband is very supportive. He thinks I should write more.
 

drgnlvrljh

Re: husband...

I spent much of my adult life in relationships that were very unsupportive, and figured that was the way things are supposed to be. For that matter, my parents were unsupportive. *shrugs*

Needless to say, I didn't get very far in my writing, and developed some bad habits (mainly not finishing what I've started). I told myself that it was just a hobby, anyway, and that I should only be doing it when I have the time to spare.

Interestingly enough, my -children- are very supportive.

Anyhow, for grins and giggles, I posted some of my writing on a website that caters to fantasy/sci-fi/dark fantasy art and stories, and when I started dating Sam, I cautiously gave him the link to look. The next night, I came home from work to find an email from him about those stories. He loved them! He knew they were rough, and in serious need of reworking, but he saw the talent there, and was very encouraging.

Needless to say, we've been together for almost 3 years now, and I'm finally working on breaking my bad habits, and breaking the nasty pattern of thought that kept me from -really- working at it. And he's behind me every step of the way.

It's amazing the difference in environment, and how it affects my writing. 3 years ago, I would never have had the courage to even join a forum like this, let alone let anyone see the WIP.
 

Azura Skye

Re: husband...

>>Is a husband allowed to post?

Of course. I'd like to hear from both sides.

The reason I asked this question was because last night I was thinking about how different my bf and I are. We've been together for four and a half years and we seem to make it work but he doesn't take "artsy" people seriously. Although he's never made any negative comments about my writing I don't think he really understands my drive to do it. He's a very left brain kinda guy, ya know.

Oh well. I don't feel I need his support but if he began to make negative comments then I think it would be a different story.
 

ChunkyC

Re: husband...

My wife is not a huge reader, though like someone mentioned above, she does read the Harry Potter books.

I read my stuff out loud to her. Not being a writer or frequent reader, she really doesn't have a lot to contribute on the technical side. However, she is quick to point out things that don't make sense. "I thought he had red hair ... and was a woman in the last chapter..." sort of thing.

The only thing she doesn't seem to be able to grasp is my need to not be interrupted when I'm on a roll, that to be pulled out of the world of the story is extraordinarily jarring. But she does try not to bug me.
 

SRHowen

Re: husband...

The only thing she doesn't seem to be able to grasp is my need to not be interrupted when I'm on a roll, that to be pulled out of the world of the story is extraordinarily jarring.
Click to expand...

That is my biggest peeve around here. Both hubby and children like to interupt. I have my headphones on people--what does that mean?????

I do wish my hubby would be willing to read my stuff. He says he would, but will not comment on it. Grrr, grumble.

Shawn
 

arkady

Re: husband...

I find all these negative comments very peculiar. My wife is a good reader, and takes my writing as seriously as I do. Of course she's a painter herself, and understands how tough it is to make it in any "artsy" line.

When I switched from historical fiction to fantasy, she immediately became my biggest fan, which was what told me that fantasy was the genre where I worked best.
 

Weren Cole

Different side. . .

If I may, I believe I will add the point of view of the young bachelor to the conversation.

I think every writer wants feedback, craves feedback and sometimes we may push our recent creations on those around us, who I have learned are usually only half interested in reading it in the first place, much less give support. I have no wife, no girl friend, just friends. In terms of support I rely on my mother, but here is a paradox. My mother loves me, wants me to succeed, so inherently she always tells me that what I am doing is good (more or less) and to keep plugging at it. I once had a girlfriend who read the first novel I wrote and said she loved it, though when I asked her for critique she couldn't find anything bad to say. This is where I find looking for support from our loved ones may not always be the best course of action. . . This may be one of the reasons that all of us come here for support, in this forum we have created a community of people who we don't really know (I'm not sure how well some of you know each other, but I don't know you) and we can get critique and feedback on a nonpartial basis if that is what we so desire.
I think that support is the best we can ask from our loved ones or friends, but if it is not there I don't take it too seriously. This is just my opinion, and it may not hit the base with a couple of you for I am a young bachelor and well. . . yeah.

Weren Cole
 

drgnlvrljh

Re: Different side. . .

@ Waren,

Good points. My fiance reads my stuff, and he does give crits, after a fashion. But the fact is, No matter what he says, I'm still going to think his opinion is biased.

But the fact that he's encouraging is the supportive part I appreciate the most. House a mess? Did I write that day? Then it's okay. If I didn't write that day, what did I waste the day on? :lol
 

Weren Cole

Re: Different side. . .

I got you dragon, and I like you quote btw. . .

I think there are two kinds of support. . . one where you have people around you who know you are writing and say something alongs the lines of "how's your stuff going, I wish you the best" and other's who you can run your stuff by and get their support. . . "it's good, keep going" type of stuff. I think writers need both, we crave feed back as a form of support but at the same time we need those around us to encourage our goals whether they have read our work or not. For most of us what we are attempting to create is not easy, discouragement comes with the job. . .

Weren
 

ChunkyC

Re: Different side. . .

I just have this deep fear that someday I'll be writing along and:

It was the best of times, it was the--

"Honey, can you take out the garbage?"

"Huh? What? The garbage? Can't it wait?"

"Fine, if you want the house to smell like a dump."

Grrrr ... "Fine! Just gimme a sec...." where was I? Best of something ... aw, screw it, it was probably a crappy line anyway.
 

drgnlvrljh

Re: Different side. . .

Amen to that, Waren!

Feedback, I get from different sources. Some are slightly suspect, since they're friends (or fiance), but they serve the purpose of being an encouraging environment, which helps with the process. And I know, if it's really bad, they'll call me on it.

But the feedback I get here is vastly different. You're not worried about losing a friendship, or sleeping on the couch if you give me less than glowing reviews (not that I'd do that to anyone). And that has it's use, as well, especially since I -want- to know where my weaknesses are.

But there is a payoff, of a sort, I believe, even when giving the feedback to a stranger. And that's you help get the aspiring writer to send off the best work possible, because to do any less would be a disservice to the industry, and it would make us all look bad.

Thanks about the quote, btw. Someone here (forget whom), knows the quotee. I don't. I just saw it, and it made perfect sense. ;)
 

maestrowork

Re: Different side. . .

Everyone in my life have been very supportive (although, in true parental fashion, my parents wanted me to keep my day job). Some didn't read my book but they were very encouraging and thought I was brave to go for what I wanted. Some read my book and loved it and offered me invaluable advice. Some didn't finish it but offered me some of the best compliments: "I didn't finish because I was intimidated."
 

reph

Re: Different side. . .

Shawn posted: Both hubby and children like to interupt. I have my headphones on people--what does that mean?????

It means they have to yell louder to get your attention.
 

tjosban

My husband isn't gung-ho supportive about what I do, per se, but he understands that there is something inside of me that drives me to do it.

Just as he has his passionate thing for ATVs and guns, I have my own passions.

I believe that these differences allow us to be closer. I know that he won't just walk away from what he loves, just as I won't from the things I love. When we need time apart, we go do our separate things. We also have plenty of things we enjoy doing together. It's what works for us.
 
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