Any Uwe Boll fans here?

Plot Device · May 23, 2007

It seems he's about to embark upon "Alone in the Dark 2."

http://news.filefront.com/uwe-boll-plans-alone-in-the-dark-2-the-world-shudders/

Funny. I assumed the first one was a flop.

(And is it pronounced "oo-vey bowl" or "oo-vey ball"???)

::EDIT::

Yep. The first one was DEFINITELY a flop.

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=aloneinthedark.htm

Numbers don't lie.

Bmwhtly · May 23, 2007

Any Uwe Boll fans here?

Or, indeed anywhere?

What? I'm not allowed ONE joke at his expense?

Plot Device · May 23, 2007

Bmwhtly said:
Or, indeed anywhere?

What? I'm not allowed ONE joke at his expense?

-XL- · May 23, 2007

I seem to recall mention of the first one being produced through German tax loopholes that meant it cost next to nothing.

If Uwe wants a project to make money I, and I'm sure many other people, would pay to see him torn to shreds by monsters.

Bmwhtly · May 23, 2007

-XL- said:
I seem to recall mention of the first one being produced through German tax loopholes that meant it cost next to nothing.

They all are. As I remember,it means that investments are insured by the german governement. So when the film tanks, they get all their money back. If the film makes money they get profit. And the whole thing is tax-deductable.

dpaterso · May 23, 2007

Just asking, has anyone watched Alone in the Dark? I keep hoping it shows up somewhere so I can see the horror for myself.

-Derek

ALLWritety · May 23, 2007

I have never heard of him or the movie!!!
I think I will live!!
K

nmstevens · May 23, 2007

dpaterso said:
Just asking, has anyone watched Alone in the Dark? I keep hoping it shows up somewhere so I can see the horror for myself.

-Derek

Imagine being stuck in an unwashed airplane bathroom with your most annoying relative while he tells you an incredibly boring pointless story for two endless hours and you'll have some inkling of what it's like sitting through "Alone in the Dark" or, for that matter, any Uwe Boll movie.

The very fact that Germany keeps letting this guy make movies is enough justification, as far as I'm concerned to reconvene the war crimes tribunal.

NMS

Bmwhtly · May 23, 2007

dpaterso said:
Just asking, has anyone watched Alone in the Dark?

I've seen it... In the discount bin. :ROFL:

jodiodi · May 23, 2007

I've seen Alone in the Dark. I played the game it was based on and had high hopes. I didn't know about the director's touch of death at the time. People walked out of the movie and I was so disappointed. However, it's a great MST3K-fest if you want to make it such. I felt sorry for Christain Slater and figured he must be behind on the mortgage. But Tara Reid as an archeologist? Please. "Yes, they picked that up in New Found Land." (not Newfoundland)

As a friend of mine said, it was so bad it was radioactively bad and caused his brain to shrivel up from the radioactivity and fall out his nose.

Rainy Night · May 23, 2007

Uwe who?

Hollow · May 23, 2007

Haha, oh god. No words for Uwe Boll....

Btw I think it's pronounced "Ooh-weh-Bowl", at least that's how I say it, screw what anyone else says.

Rainy Night · May 23, 2007

Didn't I hear a story that he approached some writers here, they did some work for him and he refused to pay or something?

Maybe one of the mods knows...

Plot Device · May 23, 2007

dpaterso said:
Just asking, has anyone watched Alone in the Dark? I keep hoping it shows up somewhere so I can see the horror for myself.

-Derek

I rented it a few years back. It was just dumb.

It started off with what seems like three entire minutes of some really lame narrator-delivered back-story with a montage of past events concerning some secret government experiment gone awry and some underground tunnels connecting the lab with a little cabin out in the woods. And something about little orphan children screaming in the night as they are plucked from their beds at the orphanage and taken to the lab to be experimented upon. They tried to make it all very creepy with dark shadows and sinsiter music.

After all that dumb dumb lame-o back story, the film began and it had NO BEARING AT ALL on all that narrated stuff we just sat through for three whole minutes!

And then there was this female archeologist and then Christian Slater. And then, for some reason that utterly escaped me, we suddenly had a monster running around. And he wasn't even a very interesting monster.

I kept waiting to see when the cabin in the woods and the underground tunnels were going to swing back into the plot again. I kept waiting for them to discover the horror of children having been experimented upon. They didn't. Not one thread of any of the narrated stuff ever made its way into the rest of the film. It was all very painful to endure.

I felt so badly for Christian Slater.

zeprosnepsid · May 23, 2007

I do believe that the german tax loophole no longer exists. I believe it's been recently abolished. Or so I've heard.

But yeah, there's also a Bloodrayne 2. I'm really not sure who's funding him. But he's good for a laugh. Plus he won the boxing match with the critics or whatever - he showed them!

I actually have every intention to see 'In The Name Of The King: A Dragon Siege Tale' or whatever it's called, to be honest. It looks all kinds of good-bad.

Plot Device · May 23, 2007

zeprosnepsid said:
I do believe that the german tax loophole no longer exists. I believe it's been recently abolished. Or so I've heard.

And to think I was geting ready to relocate to Germany!

zeprosnepsid said:
But yeah, there's also a Bloodrayne 2.

I actually thought Bloodrayne wasn't half bad. I went in with low expectations and was pleasantly surprised.

zeprosnepsid said:
I'm really not sure who's funding him.

I heard that actors generally like working with him. His cast and crew find him to be very organized and a decent boss all around.

Creativity is another issue entirely.

zeprosnepsid said:
But he's good for a laugh. Plus he won the boxing match with the critics or whatever - he showed them!

I missed that. Was that a virtual boxig match? Anyone got a link?

zeprosnepsid said:
I actually have every intention to see 'In The Name Of The King: A Dragon Siege Tale' or whatever it's called, to be honest. It looks all kinds of good-bad.

Why isn't it out yet? They've been in production for like ever.

jebedi · May 23, 2007

I don't think anything could ever convince me to see another of his movies.

razormoney · May 23, 2007

More of the sme

nmstevens said:
Imagine being stuck in an unwashed airplane bathroom with your most annoying relative while he tells you an incredibly boring pointless story for two endless hours and you'll have some inkling of what it's like sitting through "Alone in the Dark" or, for that matter, any Uwe Boll movie.

The very fact that Germany keeps letting this guy make movies is enough justification, as far as I'm concerned to reconvene the war crimes tribunal.

NMS

Very, very funny. You must be a screenwriter! I'd like to read your brand of humor.

Hollow said:
Haha, oh god. No words for Uwe Boll....

Btw I think it's pronounced "Ooh-weh-Bowl", at least that's how I say it, screw what anyone else says.

Actually, I think it's "Ooh-vay." You know, like the Germans pronounce Volkswagen "VolksVagen."

Of course, he's such a terrible director no one really cares how to pronounce his name.

Now, if he were to continue his boxing career by challenging more critics who lambaste his silly projects to fights, then he might interest me.

Razor

Hollow · May 23, 2007

Plot he challenged a bunch of people who criticized him to a real boxing match. Four of em if I remember correctly. He beat all of them. Even so the man still can't make a good movie.

pconsidine · May 23, 2007

Y'know, if you say "Uwe Boll" fast enough, it sounds like you're saying "horrible" with a mouth full of taffy.

How appropriate.

nielsty · May 23, 2007

I think his first name is pronounced Ueve. And Boll is pronounced like toll with a B. And I've had 6 years of German lessons through basic school and high school and was an exchange student for six weeks at a German high school so I should know

By the way - The German spoken films are generally of poor quality - but once in a while there's a "Life of others", "Sonnen Allé" or "Goodbye Lenin" amongst all the bombs. Actually it's all the historical pieces which make an impact - it was the same with Downfall.

whistlelock · May 23, 2007

I've a friend who's German, and this is how he said the German tax law works for movies- They want to encourage the industry, so if a movie with German financing flops they can write it off on their taxes.

So these German investors are handing cash over to Uwe knowing that his movies will bomb, so they can write the loss off.

Rainy Night · May 23, 2007

So, would it be safe to say that if he had a "hit" he may never make another movie?

pconsidine · May 23, 2007

I think the big recent change in German movie financing is that people are no longer allowed to trade shares of a movie on the stock market like they used to. Trading shares made it more attractive to people with money, because there was investment potential in a project before it ever reached the screen. Without that, it's just the tax dodge angle that keeps people investing.

Boo_Radley · May 23, 2007

On the horror boards I reg at I refer to Boll as the modern Bruno Mattei -- RIP, but his movies were the filmic equivalent of sun-dried dog droppings, and Boll is right there with him.

Alone in the Dark made me think Boll had nowhere to go but up...then I watched House of the Dead, and realized exactly how wrong I was. Why he was ever allowed behind a camera again after that, I have no idea.

Any Uwe Boll fans here?

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