Read Books By AWers!

Welcome to the AbsoluteWrite Water Cooler! Please read The Newbie Guide To Absolute Write

editing for authors ad

A publisher or agency using Google ads to solicit your novel probably isn't anyone you want to write for.


Go Back   Absolute Write Water Cooler > AW Writing Lab > Writing Exercises, Prompts & Whimsical Pursuits
Register FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-01-2005, 10:18 PM   #1
detante
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
"Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

Post your most creative blurb for Atlanta Nights by Travis Tea. The blurb should be as flattering as possible while still being honest.

If you have no idea what I am talking about you can read all about it. A pdf copy of the book can be found
here.
-----------------------
"A narrative so mind bending, it should be illegal."
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2005, 12:53 AM   #2
maestrowork
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

Good heavens. This thing actually has an ISBN and is sold everywhere. It's going to be more famous and profitable than any other book in history! Enough for everyone of us to seeth with envy.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-02-2005, 12:56 AM   #3
maestrowork
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

I expect a fantasy game based on Atlanta Nights soon.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-03-2005, 06:06 AM   #4
Yeshanu
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

Actually, here's a challenge: let's write Atlanta Nights Revisited. Surely the folks here on this board can do worse than those SFWA members...

Then we can all be famous too!

Who's up for chapter one? 8)
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2005, 03:44 AM   #5
detante
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

"Keep a box of tissues handy. This book is guaranteed to make you cry."
-Uncle
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2005, 10:41 AM   #6
maestrowork
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

Quote:
Who's up for chapter one?
CHAPTER 1


Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.
Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2005, 09:49 PM   #7
wurdwise
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.
Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2005, 03:49 AM   #8
Yeshanu
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.
Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2005, 04:33 AM   #9
detante
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: "Atlanta Nights" blurb challenge

CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.
Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 03:29 AM   #10
reph
Fig of authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On a fig tree, presumably
Posts: 5,162
reph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Atlanta Nights chapter challenge

From the old board:

----------------------------------

reph
Keeper of the
folded waterproof
tarp
Posts: 1692
(2/12/05 1:25 am)
Re: "Atlanta Nights" chapter challenge
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.
reph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 07:46 AM   #11
Good Word
still crazy after all these years
AW Moderator
 
Good Word's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,157
Good Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
From the old board:

----------------------------------

reph
Keeper of the
folded waterproof
tarp
Posts: 1692
(2/12/05 1:25 am)
Re: "Atlanta Nights" chapter challenge
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.
Good Word is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 09:21 AM   #12
reph
Fig of authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On a fig tree, presumably
Posts: 5,162
reph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.
reph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 10:11 AM   #13
Birol
Around and About
SuperModerator
 
Birol's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Where I hang my hat... when I can find my hat.
Posts: 14,739
Birol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsBirol is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
__________________
Facebook

Birol is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 10:16 AM   #14
maestrowork
Fear the Death Ray
 
maestrowork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wgasa
Posts: 43,748
maestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.
__________________

I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself.
-- Agatha Christie





The Pacific Between A Bunch of Stories
(2006 IPPY Award)

WIP: Beyond the Banyan Tree - draft 9, 125,000 words

Home Page | Blog | Reviews
maestrowork is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2005, 11:09 AM   #15
reph
Fig of authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On a fig tree, presumably
Posts: 5,162
reph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.
reph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2005, 10:17 AM   #16
CACTUSWENDY
An old, sappy, and happy one.
Requiescat In Pace
 
CACTUSWENDY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Sunny Arizona
Posts: 12,861
CACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsCACTUSWENDY is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
Talking

..............the passion.....the depths.....the great heights.......never has such a large amount of paper gone to such a fever amount of work in the history of story telling......


hats off to the team work and guts it took to pull it off.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wendy~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CACTUSWENDY is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2005, 12:45 PM   #17
triceretops
Super Browser
 
triceretops's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: In a van down by the river
Posts: 11,576
triceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentstriceretops is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!
triceretops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2005, 12:49 AM   #18
reph
Fig of authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On a fig tree, presumably
Posts: 5,162
reph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.
reph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2005, 01:03 AM   #19
Yeshanu
Elf Queen
 
Yeshanu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Up a Tree
Posts: 6,779
Yeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsYeshanu is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...
Yeshanu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2005, 04:55 AM   #20
maestrowork
Fear the Death Ray
 
maestrowork's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wgasa
Posts: 43,748
maestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsmaestrowork is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...

She was a showgilr with yellow father in her hair.
__________________

I didn't want to work. It was as simple as that. I distrusted work, disliked it. I thought it was a very bad thing that the human race had unfortunately invented for itself.
-- Agatha Christie





The Pacific Between A Bunch of Stories
(2006 IPPY Award)

WIP: Beyond the Banyan Tree - draft 9, 125,000 words

Home Page | Blog | Reviews
maestrowork is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2005, 08:42 AM   #21
BottomlessCup
Getting settled
 
BottomlessCup's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Hollywood, CA
Posts: 774
BottomlessCup has earned our admirationBottomlessCup has earned our admirationBottomlessCup has earned our admirationBottomlessCup has earned our admiration
Late to the party, but, eh...

CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...

She was a showgilr with yellow father in her hair. The kind've feather that comes from a bird. See what I'm saying, my jive mofo brother? A bird.

Next thing I now, I'm watching Lesly grub her greasy man-hands all over the greasy menu of this greasy spoon joint and BLAMMMO! the question hits m like a jar of pizza sauce hitting a gold manhole cover on mars: How am I gonna finish this investigation, which lead to the end of the my decorated career in the police department in my hometown and also caused, indirectly, the end of my relationship with Lola, witch I'll tell you about in chapter four!? (Please don't skip ahead.)
BottomlessCup is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2005, 07:25 AM   #22
Good Word
still crazy after all these years
AW Moderator
 
Good Word's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 3,157
Good Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsGood Word is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...

She was a showgilr with yellow father in her hair. The kind've feather that comes from a bird. See what I'm saying, my jive mofo brother? A bird.

Next thing I now, I'm watching Lesly grub her greasy man-hands all over the greasy menu of this greasy spoon joint and BLAMMMO! the question hits m like a jar of pizza sauce hitting a gold manhole cover on mars: How am I gonna finish this investigation, which lead to the end of the my decorated career in the police department in my hometown and also caused, indirectly, the end of my relationship with Lola, witch I'll tell you about in chapter four!? (Please don't skip ahead.)

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. That was just the kind of hay he couldn't leave laying around. Her last pimento to him was this--this homeopathic sexuality. I don't know what that means, but I bet someone stupid might think its really intellectual and they just don't understand it because their really stupid. Know what I mean?
Good Word is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2005, 07:50 PM   #23
Angie
Sonic Wench.
 
Angie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Put...the candle...BACK.
Posts: 10,221
Angie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsAngie is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...

She was a showgilr with yellow father in her hair. The kind've feather that comes from a bird. See what I'm saying, my jive mofo brother? A bird.

Next thing I now, I'm watching Lesly grub her greasy man-hands all over the greasy menu of this greasy spoon joint and BLAMMMO! the question hits m like a jar of pizza sauce hitting a gold manhole cover on mars: How am I gonna finish this investigation, which lead to the end of the my decorated career in the police department in my hometown and also caused, indirectly, the end of my relationship with Lola, witch I'll tell you about in chapter four!? (Please don't skip ahead.)

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. That was just the kind of hay he couldn't leave laying around. Her last pimento to him was this--this homeopathic sexuality. I don't know what that means, but I bet someone stupid might think its really intellectual and they just don't understand it because their really stupid. Know what I mean?

"You seem distracted," said Wesley. I mean Leslie. You know what I mean.

"Why would you say something like that?" I whined.

"Well, you haven't said anything since I came to the door in Chapter One."

She was ragging on me, just like Lola used to do. Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola. Why couldn't I get my mind off Lola? And pain?
Crap.
More pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.
__________________
A riot is an ugly thing...undt, I tink that it is just about time ve had vun.
Angie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2005, 09:56 PM   #24
reph
Fig of authority
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: On a fig tree, presumably
Posts: 5,162
reph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate complimentsreph is so great that we've run out of appropriate compliments
CHAPTER 1

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Here we go again. Another night.
Another pain.
Same f***** city.
But no titties.

Zeek Deter looked at the time on his watch, on his left arm. "Too eary to take a pill, he hissed loudly. "I think I'll bug the woman downstairs by turning up my stereo."

A few seconds later his stereo, the one purchased at Wal-Mart for $99.99 (down from $159.99 -- a savings of sixty dollars!) began broadcasting the most obnoxious sound known to modern man or woman.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..."

Zeek crooned along with those long-haired freaks from the sixties at the top of his somewhat nasal tenor voice. Sure enough, he soon heard pounding that could only be his downstairs neighbour pounding on the ceiling with her broom.

Suddenly, a woman screamed. That screamed spoke volumes. It was a long, shrill sound. Like a thousand pigeons cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced. Zeek didn't like the sound of it. Not even one little bit. Now both heads hurt.

Pain.
Crap.
More Pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

So get up and go to th crapper", Zek thougt to himself. It isnt like I have a Cathetter or nothing in there down there. I just need to get an aspirin for this stupid pain and pee. Ok, up on 1 elbow, EZ does it, and then he swithes on the lamp. Zekes' room was dark at this time, in the evening because it was winter in Atlanta and he had to see to find the bathroom door.

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. Her last memento to him was this--this chlamydia.

Lola Lola Lola Lola Lolla Lola. It rolled off his tounge like a M&M when you get to big a mouth full and they don't all fit, and then your mom asks you somthing so you have to open to anwser and it falls out. I mean, Not the peanut ones, they stay in better. The plane ones. Anyhow, Zeek was still in wild mad animal passionate yee-ha love with Lola and it didnt help atall that he had to keep scratching because of the Chlamida. Every time he scratched he started up on Lola all over again. It was that it was all he could think about.

Pain. The joy of his mother yes. By why? He thought infidity; mother of peral is her name. Pain. Why should I care? So I told her that I don;t really care and she told me she don't really care either. So I stick out my tongue and tongue, that tongue. Why so mother tongue. I dare not ask. My brain hurts.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was his freind Leslie. Leslie had used to be Wesley but he had had an operation and changed her name. Zeke sometimes forgot about the operation and he would say Wes by mistake. It was imbarrasing. bBut then he wold rember that Les was less than she used to be in some places.

Zeke opened the door and saw who it was and greeted his friend. This time he got the name right, which was pretty good for a guy who's head still hurt, and then the both of them went out to lunch, except Zeek took a shower first and changed cloths.

That there Lola was juss ruff to get outta my mind. First sawed her at a disco stripper when she bent down ta talk at me still holding on to the bar and then she dun fingered a ferocious pimple on her nose and it burst all over the place, and you wanna no something? We laughed all day bout it, me peein my pants an all! We was made for each other!

CHAPTER 2

Driving downtown observing the speed limit of 30 mph listening to the radio going and Elvis singing, I pulled into the restuarant parking lot still thinking about Lola. Opening the car doors and getting out, lesley and me walked up the front walk to the big resturant front doors where you go in and went in. Just inside the front doors the restoruant has a big mirror by where you wait for a table. But their was some big boxes piled halfway up it and the rest of it was dusty, so I dont no what I look like.

But I no what leslie look like. Man, she was hot! I mean, she was dresed to the the tens in a short black leather skirt that usta be a cow, but it sure don't look like no cow now! An she was wearin a tight wite sweter that showed off two big melons -- I mean, what else cud they be, cause they sure wasn't natural-- an I found it hard to remember that she usta be a guy, but then again, considerin what my last girlfriend looked like, it didn't really matter.

The speakers in the restrant was playin a song by a guy named Wierd Al, bout some dude named Yoda, and it reminded me of

Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola...

She was a showgilr with yellow father in her hair. The kind've feather that comes from a bird. See what I'm saying, my jive mofo brother? A bird.

Next thing I now, I'm watching Lesly grub her greasy man-hands all over the greasy menu of this greasy spoon joint and BLAMMMO! the question hits m like a jar of pizza sauce hitting a gold manhole cover on mars: How am I gonna finish this investigation, which lead to the end of the my decorated career in the police department in my hometown and also caused, indirectly, the end of my relationship with Lola, witch I'll tell you about in chapter four!? (Please don't skip ahead.)

He got toast instead, and then he didn't yet again. He decided to wet his pants, because showerring and changing would take his mind off Lola.

Lola.

He would have walked a thousand piles for her. He said nothihng, nothing about the head lice. Sed nothing about the B.O. But when she started seeing his brothers he had to bale. That was just the kind of hay he couldn't leave laying around. Her last pimento to him was this--this homeopathic sexuality. I don't know what that means, but I bet someone stupid might think its really intellectual and they just don't understand it because their really stupid. Know what I mean?

"You seem distracted," said Wesley. I mean Leslie. You know what I mean.

"Why would you say something like that?" I whined.

"Well, you haven't said anything since I came to the door in Chapter One."

She was ragging on me, just like Lola used to do. Lola, Lola, Lola, Lola. Why couldn't I get my mind off Lola? And pain?
Crap.
More pain.
Need pee--here the pain. Feel it.
Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stupid pain.

Well Wesly or Leslie was rigth, I was distracted. Still wondring what I look'ed like cause I couldnt seen myself in that stupid mirror with the boxes in front. So I exclaimed 'Do me a favor Les, what color is my hair."

Les complains she wasnt the POV character so she cant see nothing. I no about that stuff whereas I read it in a writing book about writing once. So we had to wait for the waiter.

And then here comes the waiter.
reph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2005, 10:08 PM   #25
Betty W01
Empress of Cyberworld
 
Betty W01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: right here, silly
Posts: 717
Betty W01 has earned our admirationBetty W01 has earned our admirationBetty W01 has earned our admirationBetty W01 has earned our admiration
jacket copy for Atlanta Nights, by Travis Tea

Quote:
Takes care of what Sherman left behind...
Quote:
Author is well-named...
Quote:
An unbelievable assemblage of words...
Quote:
Makes me glad my family no longer lives in Georgia...
Quote:
Dorothy Parker may have said it best: "This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

__________________
Betty W01
aka Empress of the Cyberworld


Due to budgetary restraints the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. We apologize if this inconveniences you in any way.

Betty W01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Custom Search

If this site is helpful to you,
Please consider a voluntary subscription to defray ongoing expenses.

Buy Scrivener 2 for Mac OS X (Regular Licence)


All times are GMT +4.5. The time now is 11:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.