What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

The Labrynth.

Of course, most of anything created in the 80's turned out horrendously. But The Labrynth, as trippy and fantastical of an idea it may have been, it was just too unrealistic (and this was a fantasy movie). The acting was also horrible.
And I remember one scene in particular, where the Goblin King and his goblin minions break out in song and dance.

They literally repeatedly sang: "Slap that baby, make it pee!"

My God, the 80's were terrifying.

Films rented in the past year which I gave one star or less on the rental company's website.

Aeon Flux
Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever
Boy and Girls
Christmas With the Kranks
Exorcist: The Beginning
The Fog
Jeepers Creepers 2
The Last Horror Movie
Resident Evil Apocalypse
The Ring 2
Stealth
XXX 2

As you can see, the majority are sequels or clearly a load of nonsense from just a cursory viewing. Most of the above I didn't finish (which is rare) but I always give films a chance, hence their rental in the first place. I like to make up my own mind about whether a film is wank or not.

The one common theme that the above share is that at some point or another they all insulted my intelligence. I think that burns me up more than anything - I hate being sold something that is clearly ridiculous or impausible.

And if I had to choose one as the grand prize winner...

It would probably be Exorcist: The Beginning. A slow-yawn fest that makes me shudder to think it was inspired by the original classic.

Must say though I'm getting very, very tired with hip'n'sexy females kicking a$$ with martial arts and guns and swords set to pounding rock music and satured with cgi, bullet-time and slow-mo bullhonkey. (Aeon Flux, Res Evil, Ultraviolet, Underworld et al) I don't care that you got Soft Image for Christmas! Show me something different!

I liked Labirynth a lot, Akuma. I think it's a classic kids' film - utter fantasy and the kind of thing you don't get a lot of these days. Plus, I think the lyric is actually, "Slap that baby, make him free." Still doesn't make a lot of sense but this is David Bowie's music we're talking about, the guy that wants to know if we wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision.

Rhinestone: Dolly Parton tries to turn Sly Stallone into a country singer?

Screwed.

And so aptly named. Came out in 2000, I think.

I cannot believe Danny DeVito allowed this thing to be released - with all his scenes intact.

My then-wife and I were in Maui on our honeymoon (which was terrific). We needed to kill some time before going to dinner at Mama's, so we dropped in to see this movie in the mall. Small theater. Maybe 20 of us in there.

My then-wife and I were the last to leave, and that was about 45 minutes into the film or thereabouts. So weird to look back at the door, and see the empty theater and the projector spinning out this garbage to no one at all...

Pink Flamingos. Thankfully, John Waters learned how to direct after that film. And Devine became a much better actor without all that dog shit in her mouth.

Please don't get me started on the part that deals with chicken rape...

Amazingly, Mr. Waters is held in high regards, and rightly so, despite Flamingos. A film of that caliber would've sunk the career of almost any other director for good.

Close call for me:

- You Light Up My Life
- The Royal Tenenbaums
- Invasion of the Bee Girls (no, that was so FleshGordonbad it was fun)

I might have included Manhattan Murder Mystery, but I turned it off too soon. Zzzzzz.

Lately it would have to be Miami Vice. And I liked the series, like Michael Mann, like Colin Farrell. What a disaster.

Also, any movie with Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson. Starsky and Hutch must be a nightmare.

I really like the labryrinth, of course I first saw it as a child, it nostalgic now. I remember loving it, I tried to pass it on and share it with my children. They were petrified...oh well. I don't know about the worst movie, there's too much crap out there too chose from.

ooh ooh! How about Revolution? 4.5/10 on IMDB. Probably the WORST Al Pacino movie ever.

Labyrinth and Royal Tenebaums are good movies!


Worst?

Gummo. It's the most pretentious piece of garbage ever made.

#2 is The Mod Squad.


#3 is Jawbreaker.

The one I can think of off the top of my head is Matrix : Revolution

I think the worst and stupidest one for me was "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"... do I really need to explain why?

Possibly Bio-dome...or maybe The Manchurian Candidate(the new one, the old one is a classic) Theres unfortunatly alot of bad movies out there.

I win. I sat through Alone in the Dark.

No value calls for this one. It was simply the worst piece of crap I've ever seen. It went out of its way to be bad. It was inventively bad. It was so bad it wasn't even funny.

Words fail me as I try to describe how bad it was. Truly a movie to rent just to see what never, ever to do.

tlblack said:

I think the worst and stupidest one for me was "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"... do I really need to explain why?

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It was supposed to be. Please pass the ketchup... how can you not crack up at that? Maybe you had to be eight the first time you saw it to really get it.

The worst I've seen the last couple of years at the cinema was Alien Vs. Predator.

Soloset's sentiments remind me of another one: The Blair Witch Project.

Since I'm too lazy to be creative, please refer to Soloset's comments above for my exact feelings regarding this piece of trash...

BottomlessCup said:

Labyrinth and Royal Tenebaums are good movies!

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Could be I'm just a heathen -- I've tried to like Woody Allen, and failed utterly -- but I couldn't bear to see RT through. Just not my taste, I s'pose.

Ensemble-cast films can be great, but not if I hate EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in them. (Maybe the distinction here is between craft and pleasure/entertainment.) Ben Stiller, to me, is like a Triple Word Score of Pain -- an annoying character, played by Ben Stiller, equals eyeballs melting into my skull.

For good ensemble-cast films, I'll take Gosford Park and Murder By Death.

I hate Woody Allen, too.

He made some okay stuff back in the day, but he's been spewing boring crap ever since.

I'm completely boggled by the constant leg-humping he gets from Hollywood.

BottomlessCup said:

I hate Woody Allen, too.

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I suppose he's one of those directors you either love or hate...

I saw him a few times when he played with his band at Michael's in NYC. He used to be fairly approachable, and one time, he shook my hand and almost broke my wrist. Seriously. I was trying to go easy on him at the exact moment he was being macho.

In any case, if you have a chance, watch Hannah and Her Sisters. Great stuff.

I could name several dozen kid films that will forever haunt my nightmares. Apparently producers of these films will throw the most moronic pieces of shit together along with a snappy tune and a furry dancing animal and poof...another DVD hit. Kids don't need plot. Kids don't need theme. Hell, kids don't really need a coherent sequence of events. Why pay extra for it?

The worst of the worst I've seen was "Prospero's Books." Betcha I'm the only one to admit to watching the whole thing. Yeah, I'm that demented.