Problem with a jump in time ...

Mac H. · Oct 13, 2006

I'm working on a screenplay based on a true story.
The main character is a teenage guy trying to solve a series of murders.

It has potential to be a great movie. It even has an unbelievably great ending.

The problem is that the 'unbelievably great ending' (in real life) happened over a decade after the rest of the movie - the teenager has grown up (having given up the dreams of solving the murders) when there is a neat twist revealing that he was 100% right as to who the murderer was.

It's similar to this review of another serial killer script:

It's like the first half of Jaws being about a shark that kills and despite the Chief's best efforts the shark continues to kill until one day, for no apparent reason, the shark leaves and the killings stop. The second half takes place five years later, when the Marine Biologist who was around during the shark attacks decides to find out what happened to the shark and goes fishing for the elusive man-eater, thinks he finds the shark and then comes home empty handed.

(Ref: http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showpost.php?p=257808&postcount=15)

While I could simply change timelines to suit, I'd like to at least try and be faithful to the true story. Which leaves me with the options of:

1. Simply skipping the period
2. Not having the resolution where he discovers who the murderer is ... simply leave it so the audience knows, but not our hero.
3. Give him an alternative aim, so instead of solely being about him trying to solve the murders, it is about him learning to be self-reliant or some such nonsense. Then he can at least have a victory in that area to give a sense of completeness. Then the additional 'jump to the end and reveal the murderer' is just extra gravy. Not essential.

For example, perhaps I could instead have it about his sanity - or lack there of. About him becoming obsessed with the idea that there is a serial killer, destroying his relationships etc - then the movie about his recovery from the brink of madness. Kinda like a cross between 'Arlington Road' & 'A Beautiful Mind'.

Then the happy ending is really him going out into the world having beaten his inner demons. The twist ending where we learn that he wasn't mad at all (he really was right about the identity of the serial killer) is just an extra.

I'm stuck a little on this project. The true story is flexible enough - treating the hero as a dogged amateur detective or someone on the edge of madness both seem reasonable.

I'd like to try and stick to the real story as much as possible, rather than simply make it a composite character. But the 'decade between the real action and the great ending' is killing me.

Any ideas?

Thanks in advance,

Mac

dpaterso · Oct 13, 2006

Interesting dilemma.

Does the murderer eventually get identified and arrested?

If so, then could you open with the arrest? Cops bust in and nail him to the floor, or whatever.

Could news of the arrest and conviction then get back to the teenager (now a man), confirming he was right, and family members and/or whoever else doubted him at the time realize they should have listened to him?

Then kick off the main story, which took place over a decade ago. Optionally, end this with a brief reprise (back to the future) of the news of the murderer's arrest and conviction, tying off the ends.

Shrug, just an idea.

-Derek
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Mac H. · Oct 13, 2006

Interesting approach. I can't believe it hadn't occurred to me - simply show the bulk of the movie as a flashback.

I really liked the way that the recent Johnny Cash movie did this - they did it without giving away the ending. The opening scene makes it look like he is a total failure - that we are witnessing the low point of his career. Then we we finally get up to that point of the movie, we discover that we'd actually been witnessing his triumphant return.

A nice technique. A might try and use it here.

Keep the suggestions coming, everyone !

Mac.

scripter1 · Oct 13, 2006

My knee jerk reaction

was to suggest a montage spanning the decade passed and then end with the reveal that he was correct.

It would kind of be a downer moment for the audience, at the point where the protag is supposed to be winning he has appeared to have lost and then given up. BUT the story isn't over yet, we see how he deals with that loss and then in the very, very last scene we get our "happy ending" and the protag wins.

Now though, I really like D's suggestion.
It has a nice flow to it, suggests some real changes and movement in the pacing.

And this thought just struck me. Life isn't really about what you do during the big moments, the exciting times where you have really cool stuff going on. It's about how you live every day when nothing special is happening.
It seems to me that your film is more about how he lives during those ten years, trying to deal with failure. The really cool stuff about the murders is icing on the cake.
Find the balance between the two.

All right, well, maybe not a complete balance. I would lean more towards a 65/35 split between the two parts of the story. Cuz murder mysteries and thrillers sell better then drama's.

I'm rambling. Sorry.

scottVee · Oct 17, 2006

I don't see how you can leave the story behind and tack on an ending years later. Once you get out of the "here and now", the punch is gone. It doesn't matter if the real life story ended that way. Either solve the thing in one span of time, or break the whole film into two eras, as suggested.

razormoney · Oct 17, 2006

You could do something

similar to what Dpat said.

If this dude thinks he's mad, does he go to an asylum? Or hospital?

Your protag could tell the story as it happened -- "It was about ten years ago when..." then transition to the past.

Once the story is over, and we think all is lost, something happens or he recieves his "twist" information (in the asylum or hospital or whatever) that tells him he was right all along. Maybe the person he tells the story to gives him an idea which leads to his finding of the info.

Now that I think about it, the construct would be similar to "Saving Private Ryan."

Without out knowing the whole plot, this is obviously just a suggestion. Hopefully, it t least keeps the wheels of creativity spinning.

R

icerose · Oct 17, 2006

I would suggest have a police officer to tell him to stay out of it, or whatever. He is crest fallen, then montage of how he handles it, then do a subtitle of how much time has passed.

Then have some reason to bring it back up, that reason needs to be important, like the killings start again.

Hobbledehoy · Oct 20, 2006

The main character reminds me of Jimmy from Case Closed (anime).

Big Tex · Oct 24, 2006

Mac H. said:
I'm working on a screenplay based on a true story.
The main character is a teenage guy trying to solve a series of murders.

It has potential to be a great movie. It even has an unbelievably great ending.

The problem is that the 'unbelievably great ending' (in real life) happened over a decade after the rest of the movie - the teenager has grown up (having given up the dreams of solving the murders) when there is a neat twist revealing that he was 100% right as to who the murderer was.

It's similar to this review of another serial killer script:
(Ref: http://messageboard.donedealpro.com/boards/showpost.php?p=257808&postcount=15)

While I could simply change timelines to suit, I'd like to at least try and be faithful to the true story. Which leaves me with the options of:

1. Simply skipping the period
2. Not having the resolution where he discovers who the murderer is ... simply leave it so the audience knows, but not our hero.
3. Give him an alternative aim, so instead of solely being about him trying to solve the murders, it is about him learning to be self-reliant or some such nonsense. Then he can at least have a victory in that area to give a sense of completeness. Then the additional 'jump to the end and reveal the murderer' is just extra gravy. Not essential.

For example, perhaps I could instead have it about his sanity - or lack there of. About him becoming obsessed with the idea that there is a serial killer, destroying his relationships etc - then the movie about his recovery from the brink of madness. Kinda like a cross between 'Arlington Road' & 'A Beautiful Mind'.

Then the happy ending is really him going out into the world having beaten his inner demons. The twist ending where we learn that he wasn't mad at all (he really was right about the identity of the serial killer) is just an extra.

I'm stuck a little on this project. The true story is flexible enough - treating the hero as a dogged amateur detective or someone on the edge of madness both seem reasonable.

I'd like to try and stick to the real story as much as possible, rather than simply make it a composite character. But the 'decade between the real action and the great ending' is killing me.

Any ideas?

Thanks in advance,

Mac

You can take or leave this:

I've often found that trying to remain true to actual facts can be the downfall of potentially great stories.

Even great films like Lawrence of Arabia took liberties with facts, compressed the timelines, etc., so that the script would be compelling and move along at a good clip.

My advice: Seek out the best story, rather than the best way to convey an actual timeline.

wordmonkey · Oct 24, 2006

Flashbacks tend to be very passe.

VERY passe.

I know, what about "LOST." Within the industry, it was expected to fail miserable.

If you wanna do it that way around (ie: hero remembers these events) I would do an adult protagonist voice-over but run the time line from the date he was a kid.

Did that make sense?

Kinda like "The Wonder Years" or "Stand By Me."

That way you can bump your adult in at the end and tie things up. I actually think that might work well.

However, if you do it right and you wanna stay true to the original facts, I'd just write in the time bump and just work with it. If you sell, likely as not someone will have an awesome idea (read: brain fart) and change it anyways. Just write it the way that best tells the story. I'd sit down with your main character and ask him how he wants you to tell his story (and I do mean the fictional script version, not the person it's based on).

xhouseboy · Oct 24, 2006

Big Tex said:
You can take or leave this:

I've often found that trying to remain true to actual facts can be the downfall of potentially great stories.

Even great films like Lawrence of Arabia took liberties with facts, compressed the timelines, etc., so that the script would be compelling and move along at a good clip.

My advice: Seek out the best story, rather than the best way to convey an actual timeline.

Too true.

Jay Anson was once pulled up about embelleshing the facts in The Amityville Horror, the book of the same name from which the film was adapted. One of the instances (I think there was over a hundred in all) concerned the next door neighbour's cat that used to look in the window at the little girl. In Anson's mind this became the demonic pig Jody, complete with glowing eyes.

Anson shrugged it all off with: 'I'm a storyteller. And I'm in this to make a sh1tload of money.'

mommyjo2 · Oct 24, 2006

I'd go with the linear timeline. For example, he goes nuts and gets committed. You could show him at the mental institution, a fresh arrival. He is clean shaven, young, fights the orderlies, has to be sedated his first night. When he wakes up he's worn down, accepts his meds without a comment - think about Sissy Spacek's room in THE RING 2 (not that I'd actually recommend that movie) - we visit her at the asylum, and it's immediately apparent that she's been there a loonnng time and resigned herself.
He can shuffle off to the cafeteria or whatever, all the orderlies greet him... then something (an article in the paper? But that's done to death and cliche) brings everything back and he finishes solving the crime.
I'd compress the 10 years though, to maybe one. Or have the crimes etc. committed in summertime, we rejoin him it's Christmas.
I personally don't like flashback. It's hard to twist when the ending's the beginning (after all, we know protag doesn't get killed, etc.) and it makes it less thrilling and more character driven.
Here's an article about time compression from Craig Mazin:
http://artfulwriter.com/archives/2006/09/halfbaked_theor.html

Problem with a jump in time ...

Mac H.

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dpaterso

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Mac H.

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scripter1

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scottVee

razormoney

icerose

Lost in School Work

Hobbledehoy

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Big Tex

wordmonkey

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xhouseboy

In the Yellow Woods

mommyjo2

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