Do people take you seriously?

My husband used to bug me all the time "you're on the computer AGAIN?"

Until copies of my first book arrived...now he leaves me alone. My family doesn't really pry into it, but they're almost all readers, so they don't bother me either.

We'll take you seriously when you do

If you are not taking your writing seriously, you can’t expect others too.

If you are being professional about how you organize your time, your work, and your life, then it has been my experience people will take you about as seriously as you take yourself.

(I really need to get off this website and back to taking MY book seriously!!!)

seun said:

I occasionaly get the impression from friends and family that they don't take my writing particularly seriously. I do spend most of my time writing and can get uncomfortable if I go more than two days without writing, but others don't seem to appreciate this. Most of the time, it's not an issue (not having any spare cash=a limited social life ), but when it comes up and people expect me to just drop everything, I'm not a happy bunny.

Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Click to expand...

Sell something. Anything.
Flaunt some market research
Join a good writers workshop, which at least will give you a monthly deadline.

Seun, most writers will tell you that writing is a rather lonely occupation. Certainly it's a solitary one. The first person I came out to as a writer asked first if I was published, and if my book was on Amazon.com (apparently the gold standard for legitimacy). Lastly, I was asked what my story was about. A third of the way through the plot description I was asked how my mother was!

With two books on the beloved Amazon.com I'm now asked for signed copies of my book, not so that they may be read, but so that if I become famous (and rich) my friends, can say they knew me when.

The best reassurance (I assume that's what your asking about) comes unbidden from fans. An email or letter from a stranger who owes you nothing, yet takes the time to express appreciation for your work, is better than sales.

At the risk of seeming immodest, here is part of an email I got the other day. "Thanks for your wonderful talent and sharing that with me."

Seun, when you start getting these kinds of letters, you won't even notice those who appear to ignore you.

Good luck.

Yep, I get it all the time. It's a hassle -- but I'm having trouble finding a job, they think it's me not wanting a job and think my writing (and activism) is getting in the way. I'm trying to avoid these conversations and situations with them until I'm published and can gloat all I want.

I get this from the wife of my hubbys best buddy at least every two weeks... "You are soooo lucky you don't work" or "You're lucky you don't have a real job and have to work all day". I just want to poke her in the eye when she does that.

Get used to it. Friends, family, perfect strangers are going to be short on any sort of understanding until you sell something--and even THEN...!

If your family dynamic is such that you can talk to them as a group, let them know that this IS a serious thing for you. If they can't offer support then at least ignore it and let you have your space. Staring at the ceiling means you're working and not available take out the garbage. Hang a sign on your doorknob to let them know you're busy. (Take it down when you're not.) Have regular bouts of "free time" so you participate in family things. An hour of TV watching or being at the dinner table should do it. They just want the reassurance of what they view as "normal" behavior from you. Then you can go back to your cave for head work.

If your family dynamic is such that they actively try to prevent you from working (I had that which is why I live 1200 miles from them now) you can write when they're "not looking." I spent my teen years at the library, which ain't a bad place to work. I snuck it in during study hall, at friends' houses or after everyone was asleep.

Strangers don't matter, friends, you can just change the subject. Joining a writing group will help, since you get regular doses of commiserating therapy--which helps.

All writers get this, just part of the game.

Focus on your craft and produce.

seun,

Feel the pain baby. But I think expatbrat is exactly right. When I didn't allow myself to take my writing seriously, because how can I be a 'real' writer if I haven't sold anything, then others didn't take me seriously either.
Probably the hardest is where the rubber hits the road. My writing is all right as long as I get all the household chores done and doesn't interfer with my husband's life. Otherwise he compares my need to concentrate and not wanting to be interrupted while fine-tuning a particularily difficult sentence to his need to concentrate while playing spider solitare. It's all a hobby that should be put aside at a moment's notice to convenience others unless you make money.

Hence... I am serioulsy considering giving up. I know, wrong answer. I need to do as said above. Organize myself, conduct myself as a professional. But it's hard when my 'office' is the communial dining room in a household of six with a computer we all share and no prolonged periods of quiet needed to put thoughts together.

Guess it all comes down to the question - do you want it bad enough. If you do you'll do what you need to do and be a duck and let the comments roll. There will always be those who won't take you seriously.

Laurie said:

Hence... I am seriously considering giving up.

Click to expand...

Don't you dare!

Not knowing the dynamic, I may be putting my foot into it, but perhaps a family meeting is called for here. Get them all down at the table at the same time (tasty snacks as a bribe works) and let them know how you feel. Offer to respect their personal space if they (it's only fair) respect yours.

That's the nice way to do it. I took the Bette Davis route. Anyone who gets between you and your work is your enemy.

That worked for me because my family would be perfectly at home on Jerry Springer, but I don't recommend it!

A friend of mine who couldn't get either to fly for her carved out her own private space in the house with a door lock, got her own puter, and threatened death to any interrupting her unless blood was actually pulsing from the wound. They got the point.

Heck, if S. King could hack out books in the closet of a trailer...well, eventually that worked out for him!

Laurie said:

seun,



Hence... I am serioulsy considering giving up. I know, wrong answer. I need to do as said above. Organize myself, conduct myself as a professional. But it's hard when my 'office' is the communial dining room in a household of six with a computer we all share and no prolonged periods of quiet needed to put thoughts together.

.

Click to expand...

Don't give up. Beg, buy, borrow, or steal a computer of your own. Preferably a laptop so you'll have freedom of movement. Then find a place to use it in private, whether it's the corner of a bedroom, the basement, or the public library.

I once rented the cheapest, dingiest, apartment I could find because where we lived at the time had no room or privacy for writing. You can imagine what a $150 a month apartment looks like. But it worked out well. It was the privacy that mattered, not the decor.

I also had my office in a wet basement for about six months. Every rain put about a foot of water in the baement, but again, it worked.

Thanks guys, and I'm the screaming type too. A sit down session would be a change. But I've lost confidence in my abilty or presumed ability. So, I can't take myself seriously and if I don't no one will either. I've got some figuring out to do.
Seun, if you know you HAVE to write, then don't let anyone else get to you. You ARE a writer. Afterall, what do you have when you're done? A painting? Nope, a written work of art that you wrote. Hence you are a writer.

Most people don't live in passion so they can't understand yours.

Whether others take you seriously or not is totally irrelevant. Its whether you are serious about writing that matters.

Very few writers are taken seriously - if you publish one book they ask, when is the next? If you hit X list they ask, why not Y list or why number 12 and not number 1? And why can't I buy your book at X store, etc. No matter what you write somebody will say to you "I'll read your work when you write a real book." (Their def of real will vary, of course but basically it means when you write the kind of book they read or become famous enough other people are talking about you or you win an award they have heard of)

The best remedy is not to talk writing to anyone-ANYONE- who isn't a writer. I don't talk about it with my family - my own hubby is often surprised when I have a book out.

Better to just focus on your writing and let what others think roll off your back.


annie jones (Next out The Sisterhood of the Queen Mamas <and do you think people take that title, not my chosing, seriously??)
Luanne Jones (Heathen Girls, MIRA)

Unfortunately, people won't take you seriously unless you have something to show for, and that is open to interpretation. Is it getting published (I am published, but my friends still don't take me "profession" seriously)? Is it selling millions of books? Is it getting on a best selling list? Is it getting some kind of literary award? Who knows?

If you don't take yourself seriously, you have no reason to ask anyone else to do the same. If you do take yourself seriously, you need to not worry about what other people think. I know, it's easier said than done -- I still get bothered when my friends and family don't take me seriously... it's like, "What does it take? What more do you ask of me?" But that's just life.

But you need to take yourself seriously, and by that I mean you can't just say "Well, I don't write for money because I just love to write. It'd be nice if I get published, but it's not the most important thing." That, technically speaking, makes writing a hobby (at least according to IRS). If you want to take this seriously, then you need to treat it as a career, a business, a profession, and not just something you do. Getting published should be VERY top on your list -- right up there with "getting the words on paper." Whether it happens or not is another matter, but if you don't even try (very hard) to accomplish that, it's hard for others to take you seriously.

Yes, the question really is "Do you want it bad enough" to do anything you can to get to your goals? I hear this all the time in the acting circle -- it's the same thing. Everyone wants to be an "actor" but not a lot of people wants it bad enough to do their best and everything they can for the trade. There is always something else that is more important -- doing chores, going to friend's birthday party, etc. They think it's easy -- how hard is it to remember a few lines, and emote in front of a camera? The thing is, if they don't even think this is a serious business, no one will take them seriously.

I get taken about as seriously as I deserve, more so when publishers checks come in, less so when I don't make time for rmy friends and family and understand what is important to them as well.

Meager aphorisms...

When it comes to writing, people will respect you in direct proportion to how much money you make. (And then they'll compain about how bad your writing is.)

If you want it to be a job, you must treat it as a job.

Most people have no earthly idea what writing entails, yet have, somewhere inside of them, the conviction that it’s easy. You sit on your bum and put one word after another. How hard can it be? Almost no one who hasn’t tried to do it understands this. Many who try, and fail, also suspect that there’s some secret or trick that will, once they find it, magically unlock the doors to success (once again symptomatic of a Failure To Understand).

On giving up (paraphrasing Dan Simmons and Harlan Ellison): If you hear the music, if you seriously have the tunes in your head, it’s your duty to write it down. The world is short on talented success. (Note that I said “talented.” Talent and success need not happily join hands and go skipping off under the rainbow. Each can exist without the other.)

Remember that Scott Turow wrote Presumed Innocent while riding the subway to and from work, inking it longhand on legal pads. Probably not the most convenient way to work.

Remember, too, that Stephen King has said that art supports life, life does not support art.

Addendum:

Among other things, Ellison comments about why writers “don’t get no respect” over at Writer’s Digest:

http://www.writersdigest.com/articles/ellison.asp

Carry on.

My parent's certainly don't take me seriously. Everyday they ask me, "What are you doing today?" and I say, "Writing." and they always answer "Oh."

I can only write when my son is asleep. I guess we find a way to do what we need to do.

It's difficult with family and friends. No one's asked to read what I've written so I assume they don't take it too seriously, and my friend that did ask me to email her the story has yet to start reading it. She's had it a while now.

I have to learn to budget my time more and feel it's okay not to answer the phone when I'm writing. I take myself seriously, whether anyone else does...I don't really care.

For a long time, when I was younger, the only person on the planet who considered writing to be a useful and relevant thing for me to be doing was my mum. For the rest of the world, I got the hideous grin and "Hah, ya write pretty stories, keep tossin' pizzas, don't quitcher day job!"

There were people online who read my stuff, but having no one physical who looked at me as a writer eventually began to wear me down. There was a six month period in there where I was ashamed of writing, ashamed of what I'd written, and very close to quitting.

As with most things like this with me, it doesn't turn into a quit, it turns into sheer bloody-minded stubbornness and a "Piss off," sort of attitude after a little while. I kept writing. Thank god that I did.

These days, I still get mocked by people who find out I'm a writer, in passing. I smile, I keep quiet, and I mentally reassign them from "probably a good person" (which is my default category for most people) to "idiot; fool; not worth attention." and then I move on.

I do not, for the life of me, understand how people can go through their lives without having something to be passionate about, like writing, for example. How can someone just work a day job, day in, day out, and watch television the rest of the time until they grow old and die? The very thought of that terrifies me.

I don't understand people. I don't think I ever really shall.

seriously

I'm afraid all writers receive their fair share of disresepct. If you aren't publiched, if you can't wave a check for all to see, almost no one takes you seriously.

Even if you get published and hit number one on the bestseller list, some readers, and even some writers, blast you for writing crap just for the money.

From my perspective, you need an agent who will take you seriously, you need an editor who will take you seriously, and you need a group of loyal readers who will take your published books seriously. Everyone else can, uh, go fly a kite. Most of those who don't take you seriously probably haven't done squat themselves.

As for family and friends, I never worried for a moment whether or not any of them took me seriously because it didn't matter in the least. I don't write to please family or friends. But I found that when I took myself seriously, completely so, those around me had little choice but to do the same because I was going to be writing no matter what.

The Russians have a saying, "The dogs bark, but the caravan keeps rolling."
Good thing to keep in mind.

People don't take me seriously, and it has little to do with writing. I'm used to my family thinking little of anything I do - doesn't bother me anymore. No one really knows I write, except one sister I live with and a bunch of strangers on the Internet.

I don't need their approval to validate my work - I just need an agent and publisher to. I could write the next Great American Novel, achieve fame and fortune up the wazzu, and my family would still not understand, or take me seriously. That's just the way it is.