"Darlin', I Vant to be Alone": Writers and Solitude

JAlpha · Feb 19, 2006

There are days I feel like Gretta Garbo, "I want to be let alone" (a line from her Oscar winning movie, Grand Hotel). Though the commonly misquoted version has more added dramatic appeal, "Darlin’ I vant to be alone."

The act of writing is a solitary activity. Yet, I often think of professional writers in the corporate world who have to hone and conduct their writing activities at the very same time they are required to maintain their interpersonal skills. Those are the days I tell myself I can do both. Then there are those days that I simply can’t write and communicate with other people. The simple truth is, I’m more productive when I isolate myself, though I can’t really explain why.

To date, I am by no means a total recluse, but I think I’m heading that way, and I’d like to know why, by way of the thoughts of other writers who have completely submitted to the tug of seclusion. But, by their very nature, reclusive writers aren’t readily available to tell us why they are reclusive

.

So I was thinking, before some of us go by the way of J.D. Salinger, Harper Lee, Maurice Blanchot, or take the increasingly reclusive path of Willa Cather, can we put into words what it is about being a writer that causes us to seek isolation. Or is it the other way around? Are writers reclusive beings who turn to writing to nurture their reclusive natures? Hhmmmmm.

Or, are you a writer who doesn’t need isolation?

And what about this. . .

Emily Dickinson was thought to be reclusive, but she kept up voluminous correspondence with family, friends, mentors etc. Which got me to thinking about what role the internet might play in the life of a reclusive writer. Hhmmmm. Is a writer truly reclusive if they are staying connected to other writers, via a virtual water cooler? Hhmmmm.

All just food for thought and comment

Tilly · Feb 19, 2006

I prefer solitude when I'm writing. When I'm thoroughly immersed, it's a bit like daydreaming, and I don't like intrusions.
Otherwise, I like company and I like meeting people.

PastMidnight · Feb 19, 2006

JAlpha said:
So I was thinking, before some of us go by the way of J.D. Salinger, Harper Lee, Maurice Blanchot, or take the increasingly reclusive path of Willa Cather, can we put into words what it is about being a writer that causes us to seek isolation. Or is it the other way around? Are writers reclusive beings who turn to writing to nurture their reclusive natures?

I think it is the latter in my case. I've never been very outgoing or talkative. I turned to writing at quite a young age as a way to get down those thoughts that I was too hesitant to share with other. I think that writing was also a way for me to put together scenes that would never happen in my real life, those "could've been" kind of scenes.

SC Harrison · Feb 19, 2006

While I get inspiration and ideas from many areas, including my interaction with other people, I must have solitude to adequately express those ideas in written form. The ideal situation (for me) would be the ability to shut off the world completely until the writing is done, and then flick a switch to turn it back on. I'm still working on this formula, but the world refuses to stay shut off when I want it to.

JAlpha said:
Is a writer truly reclusive if they are staying connected to other writers, via a virtual water cooler? Hhmmmm.

The neat thing about virtual relationships is you can control the amount of interaction you're involved in. Unless, of course, you find yourself too interested in what's going on and can't stay away.

Avalon · Feb 19, 2006

I'm very reclusive. I have a support group of sorts that I meet two or three times a week for an hour. Aside from that, I work at home (freelance) and I don't have a significant other, except for my dog. Some days I don't say a word. (I did have an outside career for many years, and I also trained martial arts diligently for many years, so it's not like I fell out of the sky all introverted and isolated-like).

I like it.

It keeps me focused on getting my words every day, and any day that I get my words was a good day.

I do confess I've been trying to get out more, lately, mostly to get some new hands-on experiences I can turn into fiction-fodder. The other night I learned some country dances from circa 1650 and was permitted to touch two kinds of unspun wool to get a tactile sense of them. Oh, and I met a guy who sometimes doesn't know his right from his left, but always knows his port from his starboard.

Spiritwriter · Feb 19, 2006

Corporate/Business v. Other Forms

" I often think of professional writers in the corporate world who have to hone and conduct their writing activities at the very same time they are required to maintain their interpersonal skills."

Corporate writers follow a journalistic path which forces them to be constant researchers and socializers. Although I love to write, corporate or business writing was not something I wanted to do. However, I was pressured into it because I could write. I passed up a big promotion (in charge of company magazines) when my soul absolutely screamed out - NO! I cannot waste my life doing something I dislike, even for the big $$.

I like complete solitude when I write. I do not consider lunch with friends, phonecalls, or answer the door. I frequently forget to eat or sleep when I write but I am blissfully happy.

JAlpha · Feb 19, 2006

Spiritwriter said:
" I like complete solitude when I write. I do not consider lunch with friends, phonecalls, or answer the door. I frequently forget to eat or sleep when I write but I am blissfully happy.

And so it begins, that is exactly the same sort of situation I am finding myself in currently. There seems to be a direct correlation to the size of the writing project I am working on and the amount of socializing I'm up for. The other day, one of my neighbor's called because she wanted to inform me that a child molester had moved into our neighborhood, and that's not the part of the phone call that surprised me. I was stunned when she said, "Sorry to bother you, I know you don't like to socialize in the winter, but I didn't think this could wait until spring." I didn't realize that my neighbors where already tracking my reclusive tendencies

SC Harrison said:
While I get inspiration and ideas from many areas, including my interaction with other people, I must have solitude to adequately express those ideas in written form. The ideal situation (for me) would be the ability to shut off the world completely until the writing is done, and then flick a switch to turn it back on. I'm still working on this formula, but the world refuses to stay shut off when I want it to.

The neat thing about virtual relationships is you can control the amount of interaction you're involved in. Unless, of course, you find yourself too interested in what's going on and can't stay away.

I've already started to realize that very same Catch 22, of needing to be out of isolation to gather ideas, but then at the same time needing to be in isolation to flesh those ideas out. It creates a very odd tension for me, of trying to have it all. I've given up though on trying to turn the world on and off, and I've settled on slipping in and out of isolation as I need to.

Great point too about virtual relationships. I find I'm not as concerned with maintaining a constant presence with my virtual relationships. If I fail to call a face-to-face friend for weeks on end, they take offense; with on-line relationships there doesn't seem to be the same expectation.

PastMidnight said:
I've never been very outgoing or talkative. I turned to writing at quite a young age as a way to get down those thoughts that I was too hesitant to share with other.

Now this I find fascinating, because I have had the exact opposite experience, I used to be very outgoing and talkative, but I turned to writing later in life as a way to get down those thoughts that I was tired of sharing with others verbally.

Tilly said:
When I'm thoroughly immersed, it's a bit like daydreaming.

Full immersion into my writing creates the same for me as well, and I love that feeling!

roach · Feb 19, 2006

I'm pretty anti-social if left to my own devices. I have no problems with staying at home all day long, still in my pajamas, skipping meals and showers to write.

However, I share the house with my husband, sister, baby and two dogs. With a 22 month-old at home I don't get much in the way of solitude except on the weekends when my husband takes her to visit Grandma. So I've learned to get a lot of writing done with Charlotte underfoot. I've always been a multi-tasker so this isn't too difficult on my part.

That's not to say I don't look forward to the hours of 10 pm to 2 am when everyone else is in bed and I can get some major writing (or goofing off) done.

JAlpha · Feb 19, 2006

roach said:
With a 22 month-old at home I don't get much in the way of solitude except on the weekends when my husband takes her to visit Grandma. So I've learned to get a lot of writing done with Charlotte underfoot.QUOTE]

Aha! You just hit on another possible source of my current craving for solitude. I am about to send the last of my three children off to college. Their ages span a mere three years apart TOTAL! So I had three underfoot at the same time. Which might be one of the major reasons I'm gravitating so strongly to solitude now--making up for lost time Enjoy your time with Charlotte, it only seems like a long time before she'll be grown, but from this side of the equation it was all over in a blink!

Watermonkey · Feb 19, 2006

I can vary. Most of the time I prefer to be alone or just with my dogs/cats as company when I write and I tend to shut out everything else. I sometimes listen to music but rarely even notice what's on. It's a good writing session when I get into this "zone" sort of.

Sometimes though, I can't get anything done when I'm in my solitude. I can then go to a busy restaurant or the room where my family and their friends are all being loud and talking and then I'll get alot written. It's almost like at these times I need that background noise.

Apart from that, I've never been super social so I'm perfectly content to have a little interaction with the rest of the world but don't immerse like many of my friends do.

David McAfee · Feb 19, 2006

I like solitude when I write, but when I am not writing I'm a very social person.

reph · Feb 19, 2006

I'm not reclusive. I work at home because, mostly, I don't want to commute and I don't want a full-time job.

dante-x · Feb 20, 2006

[font=Times New Roman, serif]When writing I become a tad anti-social grouch, and simply don't want anyone intruding on me while I am at it. However, during these spurts of immersion I do need to step away from the isolation at times. I'll say I most definitely piss off my friends with my reclusive tendencies that pop up when I get inspired, but when I get writer's block, and I can't seem to get over it, I head out and do something else. It might be social like hitting a pub, or hours of walking and exploration.[/font]

brokenfingers · Feb 20, 2006

Wow, it's very interesting that you say that, as I believe I'm suffering the same dilemma.

Three years ago, I was never at home except to shower and sleep. I made a conscous decision to change my lifestyle to one less hectic and took up the idea to write a book.

Since then, I have gradually become an almost-recluse who can hardly be bothered to go out anymore. It's something I'm still shaking my head over and I feel writing has been the catalyst for this change in me. I often forget to eat and lose track of time also.

I myself have also wondered at this change in me and have only recently, with the help of a very close and dear friend, come to realize that I need to find a more healthy balance in my life.

This writing thing is quite a strange and difficult journey at times, but definitely one that I am glad to have embarked on.

The only thing I can guess as to why this happens is maybe the body and/or the mind is adapting to the situation and creating an environment conducive to thoughts, reflection, analysis, and creativity.

Or maybe we're all just losing it.

kikazaru · Feb 20, 2006

It has been my experience that the less you do, the less you want to do and then the less you are able to do.

My normal tendency is to give in to inertia, however this results in my mind stagnating and I go a little nutty. I have found that I must do something everyday to get myself out of the house, or it simply becomes easier and easier to never leave - and then I find the strife of all the petty day to day stuff unbearable. This is extremely unfair to my family and friends and it really is much better to do as Brokenfingers suggests, and find a healthy balance between your need for solitude, and the wants and needs of your loved ones. If you do not, you will find yourself becoming increasingly resentful of them.

crosseyed reader · Feb 20, 2006

I'm very outgoing and love people - except when I'm writing. Then my fangs grow and I want complete solitude. I don't want the TV on, and I want my own space, which is fairly hard to do since my kids don't seem to understand this notion. On the other side of the coin, kids are only kids for a short time. Why bark? But that doesn't mean I don't utter a private snarl under my rabid breath.

Jamesaritchie · Feb 20, 2006

Being alone

I love being alone, being a total recluse when writing. But I also understand the need to be around people. For years I've tried to go somewhere new, do something different, once a week. It doesn't have to be anything special, and it doesn't have to cost much or anything.

It's often as simple as looking though the paper, or the bulletin board at the library. Find a meeting, a dinner, a chili supper, an outdoor band in the summer, one you'd never normally go see. It's a Civil War reenactment, a politician's speech, and gathering of woodcarvers, anything and everything that gives you somewhere to go.

And the rest of the week I lock myself in my office and write.

And then there are times like this when I plan on being a recluse, and I have a busted flywheel, and when the flywheel finally gets fixed. I have a blown head gasket on the truck, and a burnt out clutch on the car.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

JAlpha · Feb 20, 2006

Jamesaritchie said:
And then there are times like this when I plan on being a recluse, and I have a busted flywheel, and when the flywheel finally gets fixed. I have a blown head gasket on the truck, and a burnt out clutch on the car.

Some things just aren't meant to be.

You've just hit on something that I find is exactly what drives me into deeper seclusion sometimes. When things get hectic like that, and they always do seem to come in waves, as soon as things settle down, I slip into an even deeper seclusion, because I have this sense of looming chaos hanging over my head. Sort of like, I'm telling myself, "get to writing, while the writing is good, cause who knows when the next derailment in my momentum is going to occur."

I find your dedication to doing something different for yourself at least once a week very inspiring. It reminds me of the "artist dates" that Julia Cameron suggests in her book, The Artist's Way. I'm looking forward to giving that approach a try, but not until I finish the final revision on my WIP, because to do otherwise right now would be counterproductive. I think I'm just a little overwhelmed by the amount of concentration it takes to finish something that I've been working on for over two years.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, it sounds like you have found the right balance of seclusion vs. productivity.

KAM · Feb 20, 2006

I need to be alone to write. On my days off, I often find myself following my husband around the apartment with his lunch and his keys, saying, "Shouldn't you be leaving for work now? Please?"

Because I've always enjoyed being alone, sometimes I forget that I need social time too. I've just come out of a period of relative seclusion. I still had to leave the house to go to my part-time job, the gym, the grocery store, but otherwise I was perfectly happy to stay in my house and write and, occasionally, knit. A couple of weeks ago I noticed I was getting cranky and restless. It took me a while to figure out what was wrong, but I finally realized that I needed to get out of the house. I bought tickets to an author reading and made a dinner date and plans to visit out-of-town friends for a weekend. Voila! Life feels fun again. Now I can get back to work

.

JAlpha · Feb 20, 2006

KAM said:
I need to be alone to write. On my days off, I often find myself following my husband around the apartment with his lunch and his keys, saying, "Shouldn't you be leaving for work now? Please?"

At least you say, "Please" :ROFL:

Thank you for sharing your take on the topic of writer's seclusion. With each new post, I'm discovering how though we may seclude ourselves as writers we are doing so "collectively". Sort of makes me feel less secluded

triceretops · Feb 21, 2006

My gawd, I thought I was the only one. I haven't left the house in a year, except to smoke a cigg on the backyard porch. I am a total recluse, and drive myself to some really unrealisitc expectations. It seems lately that I'm trying to catch up on 15 years of hiatus, churning out a book every 2 1/2 months. I have two roomates, but ignore them and the TV now, except for an occasional block buster movie. I'm not stressed, but admit that I need a walk in the mountains or something. But I continue to hold that whip over myself. I suppose that when the first novel is bought that I'll finally let out that breath that I've been holding for 15 months. I have such a twisted need to succeed that all other matters are ignored or thrown on the back-burner. I don't know when it will end. Hopefully, I'll ALLOW myself a break, and finally say "here's for a job well done."

Tri

rhymegirl · Feb 21, 2006

Jalpha, this is a great thread topic.

I have a constant struggle between being alone and being with people. In many ways I am a people person; I love talking to people. When my kids were little, I read to them, told them my own stories, sang to them and played toys with them. There was always noise and laughter in my house.

Now that they're older, everybody goes off in the morning leaving me alone in a quiet house. I know that some people would love that and have no problem with it. As a writer I need to be able to concentrate and I do need some quiet. But sometimes it's just TOO quiet!

I don't know if it's a personality thing being a writer, craving solitude. I like to write but I have a hard time shutting out the world. I think it worked out better for me when I worked at a greeting card company as a writer because there were other people in the other cubicles to share a laugh with, share ideas with, etc.

But since I now work at home, the best solution is being an AW member. I am so thankful to have other writers to correspond with during my day.

maestrowork · Feb 21, 2006

I enjoy being by myself in a quiet environment (my home, a cabin, etc.) but not when I'm writing. When I'm working, I like to have people around me: coffee shops, restaurants, parks, book stores, etc. I hate being by myself when I work. And when I have to be alone, I find myself getting online and hanging out in AW...

JAlpha · Feb 21, 2006

rhymegirl said:
Jalpha, this is a great thread topic.

I have a constant struggle between being alone and being with people. In many ways I am a people person; I love talking to people. When my kids were little, I read to them, told them my own stories, sang to them and played toys with them. There was always noise and laughter in my house.

Now that they're older, everybody goes off in the morning leaving me alone in a quiet house. I know that some people would love that and have no problem with it. As a writer I need to be able to concentrate and I do need some quiet. But sometimes it's just TOO quiet!ideas with, etc.

Rhymegirl, if your screenname were not attached to your post, I could have sworn I wrote it. My experience has been exactly the same, except I'm not experiencing the TOO quiet angle.

What is happening though, is that when my family does gather around again, on say those weekends when the kids come home for a visit from college, suddenly the house seems TOO loud. It's just the contrast from being able to hear the refrigerator hum all week-long and then suddenly there are voices, and toilets flushing, and music & videos blaring, and remnants of snarky teenage voices

Come Monday, when a friend calls and wants me to go out to lunch, my first response is, "Are you kidding, the house is finally quiet again, and I can concentrate on my work." Of course if my children where coming home from college for some quality one-on-one time with their parents, I would welcome the intrusion, but my husband and I are merely a pit stop, someplace to bring their dirty laundry, fill up on home cooked food, and empty out the snack cabinet.

Long term, I think I will strike a balance between seclusion and social interactions, as some of the other posters have shared. For now though, it might just be the phase of life I'm in, but solitude and single mindedly focusing on my writing continues to be my number one priority day after day.

JAlpha · Feb 21, 2006

triceretops said:
My gawd, I thought I was the only one. I haven't left the house in a year, except to smoke a cigg on the backyard porch. I am a total recluse, and drive myself to some really unrealisitc expectations. It seems lately that I'm trying to catch up on 15 years of hiatus, churning out a book every 2 1/2 months. I have two roomates, but ignore them and the TV now, except for an occasional block buster movie. I'm not stressed, but admit that I need a walk in the mountains or something. But I continue to hold that whip over myself. I suppose that when the first novel is bought that I'll finally let out that breath that I've been holding for 15 months. I have such a twisted need to succeed that all other matters are ignored or thrown on the back-burner. I don't know when it will end. Hopefully, I'll ALLOW myself a break, and finally say "here's for a job well done."

Tri

I wonder, triceretops, about how "twisted" or "unrealistic" your expectations really are. Sometimes, I view my determination to succeed with my writing in the very same way, and then other times, I think that in such a competitive publishing environment maybe it's precisely what we need to be doing to succeed.

I've been listening to some of the personal profiles of the Olympic athletes. These people are driven! I think of say a young female skater, who gets up at 5 a.m. to practice, then puts in a full day of school only to practice for four more hours after school, and again for four hour stretches of time on the ice over the weekend. Isn't that very much the same sort of single minded seclusion a writer experiences. Is that really being "twisted" or "driven", and is there a difference :Shrug:

"Darlin', I Vant to be Alone": Writers and Solitude

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