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So.
Been mulling over the whole thing in a recent thread where the subject was about rape, and mulling especially over the responses to my link to the Schrodinger's Rapist blog post. Those who haven't read it, it's really a pretty good post! It also ties in very well with Meet the Predators, which talks about the existence of rapists, who they are based on studies and how they operate. Oh, and this, too.
In the discussion, I posited that depicting rapists as monsters is part of the problem, and the reply I received was that the Schrodinger's Rapist attitude must therefore also be a part of the problem, as it treats all men as monsters.
I disagree, and I'm going to try to articulate why.
What is Schrodinger's Rapist?
Most people, when they leave their car, will lock it. They will roll up the windows, make sure any potentially tempting valuables are hidden under the seat or in the glove compartment, they may or may not attach something to the steering wheel, and will lock the car when they exit it.
That doesn't mean they think everyone is a car thief just waiting for the opportunity to strike. What it does mean is that most people recognise that at any time there is a chance, which may be smaller or larger depending on circumstances, that someone may be nearby who may break into their car.
Car crime is significantly less common than rape and sexual assault.
In the Meet the Predators blog post, studies are mentioned which indicate that in a population with an average age somewhere in the mid-twenties, that roughly 1 in 16 will openly admit to committing rape, who started raping in their late teens and have by that stage in their lives committed an average of 6 rapes each. These same rapists also admitted to lesser sexual assaults and violence, as well as more disturbing acts like sexual assault of children. They target friends, relatives or acquaintances the vast majority of the time, and in the rare times they target strangers they almost never use overt violence or threats of violence.
Studies have shown that between 1-in-6 and 1-in-3 women will experience some form of sexual assault or sexual violence in their lives, and that roughly 1-in-16 women will be raped. Depending on which study you read, of course.
At the same time, we live in a society where rape victims are overwhelmingly treated as being partially or wholly responsible for being attacked. This can be everything from people stating a person couldn't possibly have been really raped because they were old, or fat, or otherwise not conventionally attractive, to positing that a child was somehow responsible for her own gang rape, and that the rape accusation is going to ruin the lives of her rapists.
It is normal that pretty much any time a woman admits publicly to having been assaulted, she will be questioned. Why were you walking home alone? Why did you let the electrician enter your home? Why did you take the bus at night? Why did you get into that taxi alone? Why were you dressed that way? Why were you drinking alcohol at that party? What did you say to him? Did you say no? Did you say no forcefully enough? Did you fight back? Did you run?
There is pretty much no circumstance a woman can be in when she is raped, that will not include things people will question. As a whole, we are overwhelmingly taught from a young age that we are responsible for protecting ourselves from predators.
At the same time, we also learn from a young age that men who notice us may or may not turn nasty if they don't like how we respond. I know I'm not the only woman who has had "Smile, lovely." or "Hey girl! Hey pretty girl!" or "Nice tits!" or "PHWOOAR!" Turn into "Fuck you, bitch!" "You cunt I want to talk to you!" "You're just a fat lesbo slag!" "How would you like me to get my black friend to rape you?!" (actual thing I was told by a 14 year old earlier this year walking home) if we don't respond, or don't respond nicely enough, or respond but politely decline their interest. And I'm not the only one who has had seemingly nice men grab me when I'm alone on public transport, or masturbate at me, or try to manoeuvre me into a concealed space during conversation, or otherwise go from banal to threatening. It happens, and usually you don't know about it until they make some overt move against you.
Rapists do not have their crimes tattooed on their foreheads. They do not walk around drooling and sweating and breathing heavily, rubbing their palms against their thighs every time they see a potential target. They do not creep up behind strangers and lick their necks. They, as a whole, act just like everyone else.
So.
Rapists represent 1 in 16 of the population, are repeat offenders and predatory in their tactics, and are outwardly no different to anyone else. Society as a whole judges and interrogates rape victims and sexual assault victims, and tends to place partial or entire blame on them.
The risk of assuming a person - any person, whether they are a complete stranger or someone you've known for years - to be safe carries a high cost. It is incredibly offensive to me that there are people who think women are being unkind, or judgemental, or "part of the problem", when they take precautions to protect themselves, simply because those precautions might mean they silently, without telling you or acting in an offensive way towards you, analyse you as a potential threat.
When you (general you) demand or expect that women should compromise their own comfort and safety in order to avoid offending you, you are asking that they put themselves at risk for you. You are asking for the same things that predators ask for. Of the three links I posted above, you might take note of this quote from the last one.
*If this seems shocking or surprising to you, consider that you might have fur, and that Being Cold hasn't formed the background radiation of your life.
Been mulling over the whole thing in a recent thread where the subject was about rape, and mulling especially over the responses to my link to the Schrodinger's Rapist blog post. Those who haven't read it, it's really a pretty good post! It also ties in very well with Meet the Predators, which talks about the existence of rapists, who they are based on studies and how they operate. Oh, and this, too.
In the discussion, I posited that depicting rapists as monsters is part of the problem, and the reply I received was that the Schrodinger's Rapist attitude must therefore also be a part of the problem, as it treats all men as monsters.
I disagree, and I'm going to try to articulate why.
What is Schrodinger's Rapist?
Most people, when they leave their car, will lock it. They will roll up the windows, make sure any potentially tempting valuables are hidden under the seat or in the glove compartment, they may or may not attach something to the steering wheel, and will lock the car when they exit it.
That doesn't mean they think everyone is a car thief just waiting for the opportunity to strike. What it does mean is that most people recognise that at any time there is a chance, which may be smaller or larger depending on circumstances, that someone may be nearby who may break into their car.
Car crime is significantly less common than rape and sexual assault.
In the Meet the Predators blog post, studies are mentioned which indicate that in a population with an average age somewhere in the mid-twenties, that roughly 1 in 16 will openly admit to committing rape, who started raping in their late teens and have by that stage in their lives committed an average of 6 rapes each. These same rapists also admitted to lesser sexual assaults and violence, as well as more disturbing acts like sexual assault of children. They target friends, relatives or acquaintances the vast majority of the time, and in the rare times they target strangers they almost never use overt violence or threats of violence.
Studies have shown that between 1-in-6 and 1-in-3 women will experience some form of sexual assault or sexual violence in their lives, and that roughly 1-in-16 women will be raped. Depending on which study you read, of course.
At the same time, we live in a society where rape victims are overwhelmingly treated as being partially or wholly responsible for being attacked. This can be everything from people stating a person couldn't possibly have been really raped because they were old, or fat, or otherwise not conventionally attractive, to positing that a child was somehow responsible for her own gang rape, and that the rape accusation is going to ruin the lives of her rapists.
It is normal that pretty much any time a woman admits publicly to having been assaulted, she will be questioned. Why were you walking home alone? Why did you let the electrician enter your home? Why did you take the bus at night? Why did you get into that taxi alone? Why were you dressed that way? Why were you drinking alcohol at that party? What did you say to him? Did you say no? Did you say no forcefully enough? Did you fight back? Did you run?
There is pretty much no circumstance a woman can be in when she is raped, that will not include things people will question. As a whole, we are overwhelmingly taught from a young age that we are responsible for protecting ourselves from predators.
At the same time, we also learn from a young age that men who notice us may or may not turn nasty if they don't like how we respond. I know I'm not the only woman who has had "Smile, lovely." or "Hey girl! Hey pretty girl!" or "Nice tits!" or "PHWOOAR!" Turn into "Fuck you, bitch!" "You cunt I want to talk to you!" "You're just a fat lesbo slag!" "How would you like me to get my black friend to rape you?!" (actual thing I was told by a 14 year old earlier this year walking home) if we don't respond, or don't respond nicely enough, or respond but politely decline their interest. And I'm not the only one who has had seemingly nice men grab me when I'm alone on public transport, or masturbate at me, or try to manoeuvre me into a concealed space during conversation, or otherwise go from banal to threatening. It happens, and usually you don't know about it until they make some overt move against you.
Rapists do not have their crimes tattooed on their foreheads. They do not walk around drooling and sweating and breathing heavily, rubbing their palms against their thighs every time they see a potential target. They do not creep up behind strangers and lick their necks. They, as a whole, act just like everyone else.
So.
Rapists represent 1 in 16 of the population, are repeat offenders and predatory in their tactics, and are outwardly no different to anyone else. Society as a whole judges and interrogates rape victims and sexual assault victims, and tends to place partial or entire blame on them.
The risk of assuming a person - any person, whether they are a complete stranger or someone you've known for years - to be safe carries a high cost. It is incredibly offensive to me that there are people who think women are being unkind, or judgemental, or "part of the problem", when they take precautions to protect themselves, simply because those precautions might mean they silently, without telling you or acting in an offensive way towards you, analyse you as a potential threat.
When you (general you) demand or expect that women should compromise their own comfort and safety in order to avoid offending you, you are asking that they put themselves at risk for you. You are asking for the same things that predators ask for. Of the three links I posted above, you might take note of this quote from the last one.
And the worst thing is that chances are, women have judged you to be a risk before, and you never knew it. You will almost certainly never know it, because we aren't going to pepper-spray you in the face and run screaming just because you got on the bus, or said hello. At worst, we might quietly remove ourselves from the situation.
*If this seems shocking or surprising to you, consider that you might have fur, and that Being Cold hasn't formed the background radiation of your life.
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