Chuck Norris Did the Following:

JeffRen · Apr 12, 2012

I don't know if this has been done, but let's come up with our own Chuck Norris jokes. I know it's 2012, but I've never tired of them - it's a good comedic exercise; these jokes can be as complex or as simple as can be. You can use imagery, puns, wit...I effing love Chuck Norris jokes.

I'll begin:

Chuck Norris won the nobel peace prize...

BY FORCE!

JimmyB27 · Apr 16, 2012

Chuck Norris....became a creationist and a homophobic bigot, and was beaten up by Bruce Lee anyway.

JeffRen · Apr 25, 2012

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's mother.

Dechef · Apr 26, 2012

Chuck Norris joined the Mile High club... While under water.

MattW · Apr 26, 2012

Chuck Norris spin-kicked the internet, creating a meme that defied the meme-time continuum.

me-a-monsteR · Apr 26, 2012

When Chuck Norris decided to write a book, his query letter to an agent read: "It's about me". He signed it and sent it off... and immediately got published.

1swollen1 · Apr 27, 2012

Walker....................Texas Ranger

comped · May 14, 2012

When Chuck Norris searches google, it spits out the most awesome (not the most relevant) answers first.

MonkeyShiner · May 17, 2012

Chuck Norris was once shot by a gun. The bullet said ouch.

The elephant man is what happens when you f*ck with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was once attacked by a guy while he was sleeping. Needless to say, the burial for the guy is next week. You don't attack Chuck Norris even in his sleep.

Hurricane Katrina was given the wrong name. It was actually Hurricane Chuck Norris.

...and Chuck Norris said, "Let there be light."

Chuck Norris doesn't do drugs, drugs do Chuck Norris.

Statistics say, there is nothing quicker than a rattle snake. Statistics forgot about Chuck Norris.

In Chuck Norris we trust.

All death can be linked back to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man in the world who can lick his elbow.

Chuck Norris is the only man who can look in the mirror, and shatter it for all the right reasons.

If the Grand Canyon could be more grand, it would be called Chuck Norris.

The angels are trying to sing like Chuck Norris.

Grizzly Bears are terrified when they step foot in Chuck Norris Country.

Chuck fought the law and the...Chuck won.

Chuck Norris is the answer to world peace. Too bad he loves war! :evil

MonkeyShiner · May 18, 2012

Chuck Norris once got hit by a train. Don't worry...the train is okay.

JJLindsell · May 24, 2012

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris is the real slim shady.

Chuck Norris caused the global banking crisis when he asked Lehman Brothers for "some loose change".

Walker, Texas Ranger was produced in 3D format before the invention of the camera.

DeVon72176 · May 28, 2012

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris stirred during his nap. God screamed, "Shut it off. SHUT IT OFF!"

DeVon72176 · May 29, 2012

When Chuck Norris sleeps with someone, the last seven people they were with feels it.

DeVon72176 · Jun 6, 2012

Over the years, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have had many foes. Shredder and the Foot Clan was one of their most notorious foes and they clashed with multiple times. When they finally defeated the Shredder and his clan for good, the turtles had a celebration with their Master Splinter. The turtles know they couldn't have done it without him, but being teenagers, they wanted to prank Splinter as well. After Splinter went to sleep, the turtles took a razor to him. Underneath all of the hair, they found Chuck Norris. He was not happy.

He had turtle soup the next day.

Lavern08 · Jun 7, 2012

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff...

...and yeah, he shot the deputy too.

Actually, he shot up the whole town...

...Blindfolded, and with one arm tied behind his back.

Perks · Jun 7, 2012

Chuck Norris doesn't need a silencer on his pistol, he just tells it to shut the fuck up.

ThorHuman · Jul 8, 2012

JimmyB27 said:
Chuck Norris....became a creationist and a homophobic bigot, and was beaten up by Bruce Lee anyway.

quoted because I wanted to read it twice. Rescroll. Read it twice more.

Chuck Norris.. trained by bruce lee then beaten by bruce lee, -had to wait for bruce lee to die before stepping out of his house again.

JimmyB27 · Jul 9, 2012

ThorHuman said:
quoted because I wanted to read it twice. Rescroll. Read it twice more.

Chuck Norris.. trained by bruce lee then beaten by bruce lee, -had to wait for bruce lee to die before stepping out of his house again.

Bruce Lee's been dead for nearly forty years, and I'd still rather fight Chuck Norris than Bruce....

Thump · Jul 9, 2012

Bruce Lee was actually the older Chuck Norris who travelled back in time to train himself. Thus, the only person who can defeat Chuck Norris is an older, more experienced Chuck Norris.

JeffRen · Aug 9, 2012

HAHAH there's some gold in here - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles one in particular.

Chuck Norris' Patronus is the Honey Badger

The Reaper listens to "Dont Fear The Chuck"

Chuck Norris fought in the Cold War

Leroy · Oct 5, 2012

the best chuck norris jokes have been told already...almost a decade ago

Lavern08 · Oct 5, 2012

Hey Leroy,

Don't be a party pooper.

Kaiser-Kun · Oct 5, 2012

Chuck Norris has my keys. I wrote them off as "lost".

RookieWriter · Oct 10, 2012

When Chuck Norris does a push up he doesn't push up, he pushes the earth down.

Instead of mailing his income tax on April 15, Chuck Norris mails the IRS a picture of himself. Chuck Norris has never paid taxes ever.

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.

acockey · Oct 10, 2012

If Chuck Norris went to prison and had to shiv a mofo his fingers would be the shiv

Chuck Norris Did the Following:

Hoopy frood

Company Man

Bites upon request

Where I do all of my reading.

Why Me Worry?

figuring it all out

figuring it all out

KBO

Kinda new. Gentleness not required.

Kinda new. Gentleness not required.

Kinda new. Gentleness not required.

Sit Down, and Shut Up!

delicate #!&@*#! flower

Hoopy frood

defying grabbity

Sit Down, and Shut Up!

!

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