Adverbs addressing time

trumpetology · Feb 29, 2012

Hi,

I'm working on using strong verbs in place of adverbs when appropriate, but what about when they detail time? For example:

My legs quickly give way
She soon noticed the kids pointing at her.
He belatedly answered the question

Are these still adverbs? Are there good ways to state these concepts that I'm overlooking?

Similarly, what about change the action in a way that is difficult to do otherwise:

She slowly answered.

Or does,

She answered, leaving space between each word.

paint a better picture?

Thanks,

Nick

poetinahat · Feb 29, 2012

Good question - and good example!

I'm not in favor of absolute rules like "never use adverbs" (ho ho!). Which feels and reads right to you?

In this case, the second example gives me an image of someone deliberately speaking one word at a time and pausing -- it could be that she's being patronising, or is getting that quiet-angry tone. The leaving of space sounds measured.

If the intended effect, for example, is that the person's caught red-handed and reluctant to speak, I might well choose the first example. If she's fumbling for an answer, it might be more sporadic than measured: "Well - I mean... well, it just happen- ... I'm so sorry..."

So, IMO, it depends. And thanks for asking the question and giving me an opportunity to think about it.

blacbird · Feb 29, 2012

trumpetology said:
My legs quickly give way
She soon noticed the kids pointing at her.
He belatedly answered the question

She slowly answered.

She answered, leaving space between each word.

You're trying too hard to stage-direct the reader. My editorial suggestions:

My legs ~~quickly~~ give way

The context should supply the necessary information, and you won't need the adverb.

She ~~soon~~ noticed the kids pointing at her.

Ditto the above.

He ~~belatedly~~ ~~answered the question~~ paused. "xxxxxx," he said.

She ~~slowly~~ answered.

Some variation on the preceding suggestion.

She answered, leaving space between each word.

Worse.

Let your dialogue and narrative action convey the sense of timing. You don't need to be explicit about every little action. Readers like to engage and fill in the blanks; they don't need to be dragged through your story by a leash.

caw

trumpetology · Feb 29, 2012

ok. what about frequency words? Is that a stage directing issue as well? words like "usually, occasionally and often"

Andrea_James · Mar 1, 2012

It's all in how you use them, of course, but adverbs of frequency--like -ly adverbs in moderation (!)--can convey crucial info. For example, "He never drinks in the afternoon, but it's quarter to three and he's on his fifth Jack and Coke." The adverb of frequency (never) lets us know that something is out of the ordinary here. Just don't overdo it.

Bufty · Mar 1, 2012

You may think words like 'soon', 'quickly' and 'slowly' clarify, but if you stop and think about it they (and other similar words) are vague and don't really cover the passage of time with any degree of accuracy.

Unless the passage of a precise amount of time is important - and it usually isn't - don't worry about it.

Cyia · Mar 1, 2012

You're forcing the description, so it's not coming off as natural.

She answered, leaving space between each word.

^^^ people don't talk like this, so it won't read write as narration.

Depending on the reason she's answering slowly:

She chose her words carefully, afraid of implying something she didn't mean at all.

Every word came with a pause, as though she were weighing the implication of each before it came out of her mouth.

She'd waited so long to say those words, they tripped off her tongue, afraid it wasn't truly time to be heard.

(Not the greatest examples, but hopefully they help.)

Andrea_James · Mar 1, 2012

Bufty said:
You may think words like 'soon', 'quickly' and 'slowly' clarify, but if you stop and think about it they (and other similar words) are vague and don't really cover the passage of time with any degree of accuracy.

Unless the passage of a precise amount of time is important - and it usually isn't - don't worry about it.

Everything in moderation and good taste! I don't like rules about words I can and can't use. Case in point: "'Drink this,' he said, and I had downed half of it before he even had the chance to say, 'Slowly.'" Maybe I'm wrong, but I think the word adds meaning.

Bufty · Mar 1, 2012

The context adds the meaning - not the word.

Andrea_James said:
Everything in moderation and good taste! I don't like rules about words I can and can't use. Case in point: "'Drink this,' he said, and I had downed half of it before he even had the chance to say, 'Slowly.'" Maybe I'm wrong, but I think the word adds meaning.

Jamesaritchie · Mar 1, 2012

Adverbs can be deadly, but they can also be useful. Use them, but test the sentence without them. If it withstands the test, leave the adverb out.

Sometimes only an adverb can give the meaning you want. There's a big difference between saying, "You're weird", and saying "You're wonderfully weird."

You can, of course, write, "You're weird in a wonderful sort of way", but which would someone actually say?

Erin Kelly · Mar 1, 2012

In some cases, I feel that adverbs are okay, but most of the time they should raise a red flag, alerting you to an opportunity for showing rather than telling. A good example is:

He belatedly answered the question

Instead of telling us that the answer was belated, have your character doing something that shows us WHY it's belated. Is he nervous about answering the question? Have him fidget or look away. Is he unsure of his answer? Have him furrow his brow or concentrate on something in the room as he's thinking.

Instead of My legs quickly give way, show us: Have his legs buckling under him, having him crumpling to the floor, or grabbing a chair for balance.

Instead of She slowly answered, insert vocalized pauses, like 'um' or 'er,' or have her swallowing or shifting between her feet.

Not only does this get rid of pesky adverbs, it enriches the scene immensely. [ oops-there's an adverb!

]

BrumBall · Mar 1, 2012

Jamesaritchie said:
Adverbs can be deadly, but they can also be useful. Use them, but test the sentence without them. If it withstands the test, leave the adverb out.

Sometimes only an adverb can give the meaning you want. There's a big difference between saying, "You're weird", and saying "You're wonderfully weird."

You can, of course, write, "You're weird in a wonderful sort of way", but which would someone actually say?

I don't think the 'rule' applies in dialogue because, as you say, you have to use the words that the character would use. It's more of a problem in description.

brianjanuary · Mar 1, 2012

"To never use adverbs" is just bad advice. But "to never overuse adverbs" is excellent advice. Sometimes an adverb succintly fills the bill--which is why the English language abounds with them--while others, like "really" or "incredibly" are just empty fillers, which don't add much to your story. I like to vary my sentence structure by sometimes choosing a powerful verb and sometimes using a modifying adverb.

The Lonely One · Mar 1, 2012

Still adverbs. And a lot of it is fine. But for the first example, you could say "my legs collapse." The other two examples of the first set seem to be more based on a colloquial way of speaking. I think "soon" is fine in that context, however "belated" sounds odd. "Slowly" sounds better to me, and cut "the question" IMO (since I'll assume the answer follows a question, pointing this out would be redundant to the reader).

Adverbs aren't wrong. The idea is to have a tighter vocabulary, so that there aren't two words doing the work that one is better capable of doing. However, they're often useful and exist to serve a function. Time is certainly one function.

EDIT: despite what others are saying I don't mind cues like "slowly" or "quickly" because what those words translate to in my reader's mind is "this character is doing something quicker or slower than the current pace of everything else in the narrative." This detail could be important, potentially. The measurable amount of speed doesn't matter, though, unless that is mentioned.

trumpetology said:
Hi,

I'm working on using strong verbs in place of adverbs when appropriate, but what about when they detail time? For example:

My legs quickly give way
She soon noticed the kids pointing at her.
He belatedly answered the question

Are these still adverbs? Are there good ways to state these concepts that I'm overlooking?

Similarly, what about change the action in a way that is difficult to do otherwise:

She slowly answered.

Or does,

She answered, leaving space between each word.

paint a better picture?

Thanks,

Nick

trumpetology · Mar 1, 2012

Thank you all for a lively discussion. Some great examples and things I'll consider as I edit.

I have a question on the dialogue front:

As BrumBall notes, the rules are different in dialogue. How do people feel that translates to memoir writing? (I mentioned this in another recent thread). Is there more leeway for adverbs and the like because the entire thing is essentially a monologue? I've read some famous ones that are full of "I actually said" and the like, which I won't add in mine. I do talk that way at times, but I believe in the "either you said it or you didn't" approach in that case.

hmmm.

The Lonely One · Mar 1, 2012

trumpetology said:
Thank you all for a lively discussion. Some great examples and things I'll consider as I edit.

I have a question on the dialogue front:

As BrumBall notes, the rules are different in dialogue. How do people feel that translates to memoir writing? (I mentioned this in another recent thread). Is there more leeway for adverbs and the like because the entire thing is essentially a monologue? I've read some famous ones that are full of "I actually said" and the like, which I won't add in mine. I do talk that way at times, but I believe in the "either you said it or you didn't" approach in that case.

hmmm.

Creative non-fic gives you leeway to use your own speaking voice, sure. But I still think there's a degree of heavy editing as there is in any writing. You can still get across a voice while at the same time tightening your prose style.

I don't think I've read a memoir that reads strictly like unconsidered or unedited speech patterns, if that's what you're asking.

trumpetology · Mar 1, 2012

That's a scary avatar, Lonely One!

No, not unedited speech. I'm all for tight editing. Just wondering if there's a little more leeway in style, as you suggest there might be. I know it's dangerous to pick and choose examples from published material, as there is plenty of good and bad of all kinds out in the market.

Thanks for the feedback.

Jamesaritchie · Mar 1, 2012

trumpetology said:
How do people feel that translates to memoir writing?
hmmm.

I write a lot of first person, and novel or memoir, first person is really all dialogue, and should be treated as such.

Adverbs addressing time

trumpetology

poetinahat

Numbers are beautiful

blacbird

trumpetology

Andrea_James

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny

Andrea_James

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Jamesaritchie

Erin Kelly

Writer

BrumBall

Keep Right On

brianjanuary

The Lonely One

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

trumpetology

The Lonely One

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

trumpetology

Jamesaritchie