When personal problems get in the way

DamaNegra said:

Have you ever had personal problems get in the way of your writing? If so, how did you manage to overcome it and keep on writing? Did it somehow affect the quality of what you wrote?

I'm having some personal problems right now, and am always too weary to write. Also, my writing suffers terribly from those problems, it gets pathetic when I force myself to write when I have stuff going on. Am I the only one?

Click to expand...

I was about 60,000 words into a novel last year when my Brother-in-law was killed in a car crash - this was just a year after my Dad died. I don't know how I managed it, but I continued working on the story and got it finished shortly afterwards. I don't think anything suffered, but it was actually nice to escape into the "world" in the story and get away from reality! (Even though it was a horror story.)

That reminds me, must have a re-read of it and see what it's like. I've not looked at it for a year!

Dama Negra, I am not exaggerating when I say my life is a series of "personal problems". I do my best to go with the flow and I am thankful when that flow translates into good writing.

I do a lot of personal journaling as well and I believe it helps me because it keeps me writing and it helps keep issues from becoming overwhelming.

Prayer helps too.

Problems

DamaNegra said:

Have you ever had personal problems get in the way of your writing? If so, how did you manage to overcome it and keep on writing? Did it somehow affect the quality of what you wrote?

I'm having some personal problems right now, and am always too weary to write. Also, my writing suffers terribly from those problems, it gets pathetic when I force myself to write when I have stuff going on. Am I the only one?

Click to expand...

Severe health problems have affected my writing, but personal problems of other kinds haven't. When such problems come my way, what I want to do most is shut myself in my office and write. Writing makes the problems vanish, though some problems find a home in the fiction.

How do such problems affect my writing. Well, certainly not in any negative way. They may improve my writing, for all I know. I do know they make me write more often and more intensely.

Personal issues definitely play a role in my writers blocks. Sometimes its really hard. But sometimes writing can be theraputic too.

For me, it depends upon what stage I am at in my writing. If I am editing, or sometimes even re-writing, then they most definately distract me. I find that if I start something brand new, I can lose myself in it and put whatever issues are troubling me aside for a short time. Those issues tend, of course, to creep into the new work, which can be theraputic to a certain extent. At the very least, I end up using the issue that was blocking 1 piece constructively in another.

I'm not sure everyone can do this, but I use the energy, even the pain, to write.

I never get writer's block, in fact writing helps the other problems go away, to be honest. Sure, I have personal problems from time to time but my muse is good to me if I'm good to her. I look after the writing and the writing looks after me in return when I need to get away from it all.

One of the things that I am is a mother of a teenager with autism.

Last year, I had so many overwhelming things going on that I just couldn't concentrate enough to write, and so I didn't. For a whole year. I just couldn't stand the lifeless prose I had been writing.

I have the luxury of not having to earn my living by the pen, so I could afford to do that. But in retrospect, I wish I hadn't. I think it would have helped me to crawl around in a world full of my characters' problems instead of mine.

What I would do now, if I were to feel overwhelmed again, would be to lessen my self-imposed daily quota. (I make myself write two new pages daily. I write slowly, this takes time.) That way, I would not turn away from the habit of daily work, but I wouldn't feel so pressured.

SusanR

Like others here have mentioned, my writing in many ways is a coping mechanism, a way to escape the daily grind and problems. I learned to write through the hard times and still produce when I was making my living solely through my writing. I'm more inclined these days to take some time off, but it's not very long most of the time.

Beth

This is how I handle it:

• I will bury about half the people I know (though this proportion may shift as I grow older). If I stop writing every time anything bad happens, then I will never write.
• Writing is an alternative profession with a long lead-in time, not some narcissistic recreation. I would not stop my job each time tragedy strikes, so why stop my writing?
• Writing is therapy - not the wallowing in the psyche, but the soothing intellectual process of fixing plot and structure, and editing text.

I've gone through some very bad times since I've become serious about my writing. Things have been so bad that I've had days of mostly just crying. Still, I'd say I've missed writing at least a little bit on only ... oh... a dozen days, over the past three years.

What I try to do during bad times is reduce my goal to something manageable (as Susan said a few posts up). I used to try for 1000 words a day, come hell or high water. Mostly, I made it. During truly bad times, I lowered my word count. I would say, "OK, this is a bad time I'm going through. I'll be content with 500 words a day." Or 200. Or 100. Or 50. During other years I've used a time goal rather than a word goal -- 2 hours a day, or 3 hours a day. During those months, when truly bad things would happen I would reduce the time to whatever was manageable, even if it was only 15 minutes a day.

For me, the trick is to find out what's doable at a given period of my life, even if it's only 100 words or 15 minutes a day. I establish a baseline. Then I just do what I can every day to go the tiniest bit beyond that -- say 110 words, or 20 minutes.

For me I find that it's better to do some writing every day, even if I have to lower the 'some' to a nibble.

My first published novel was written through the worst time.
If you wait for life to be perfect (or at least, free of concerns) before you start writing you'll never start.

aruna said:

My first published novel was written through the worst time.
If you wait for life to be perfect (or at least, free of concerns) before you start writing you'll never start.

Click to expand...

I totally agree with that, Sharon.

Along with the usual aches and pains of growing older, I have a condition called endometriosis. Without getting into anything too technical (or gross), when it's that time of the month, instead of everything being flushed out of the system, little bits of that wedge themselves all over the place, mostly in the abdominal region, but in other places as well (like the bladder). What happens? Well, I bleed in the normal place but I bleed in other places, too, where I'm not supposed to. This has caused a lot of scar tissue, a lot of pain, and no kids (and since I'm in my 40s, I'm beyond that--sort of).

Anyway, the upshot of this is, I've actually used some of this pain in my writing, having characters spout off, etc. In fact, it was my depression over realizing I wasn't going to have kids that lead me to ideas for my 1st WIP.

Of course, the pain is sometimes overwhelming that I can't write - so I don't. But a lot of times I just push through it, because I'm sick of it - I can be strong willed.

Just thought you'd like to know that you can use the pain of personal problems for good in your writing - and now that I've joined a crit group (and am enjoying, and learning, critting other people's stories), I feel more strongly about my writing than I ever have.

Maybe I'll never make any money from this, but I'll be damned if I hold myself back anymore from trying!

~Nancy

I like to use emotions as fodder for intellectual drive. They're the furl that I convert into raw energy, that uncontrollable urge to write the way some people just hop into their cars and drive, anywhere, to burn off the frustration.

I have way too many problems to get hung up on personal ones.

Personal problems can deprive you from more than writing. Severe issues with partners, friends, children, and especially the death of a family member can do a lot of harm to how you deal with the day-to-day issues of just living. I can relate and know that I took a five year hiatus from writing because of personal issues. I just returned this year to finishing up my first novel and attempting to complete my next one.

Still, I find myself entangled in personal problems that leave me drained and unwilling to write. I understand how it feels when the will to write is lessoned by problems that stay (are burrowed deep) on your mind.

I don't know the solution, but I think it does help to resolve any personal conflicts or problems first before trying to engage in your writing. I can't image trying to think clearly when my thoughts return to some disturbing problem that won't go away.

Best,

Jon

My best friend had personal problems with a girl. So he used that energy and started writing a novel. I was shocked that it was so good (he had never written seriously before). I was dying to know what happens next. Then he got back together with the girl and now they're getting married and he hasn't touched it in a few years.

I have another friend who wrote the best songs but always during her (many) break-ups. But then she started dating a guy and 5 years (and no songs) later they're getting married.

Happiness killed my friends' creative drive.

I have a lot of health and mental problems. I am pretty lazy. I convince myself sometimes -- I'm in pain, so I'm going to sit right here. But I usually find that when I start writing it comes out good. I'm afraid it won't and the fear keeps me from writing. But the reality is it's all fine. Whenever I feel like my writing is suffering for whatever reason, I write a short story or something to get back into the flow so I'm not 'wrecking' my novel or other long form work. But you have to find what works for you...

Personal problems

In the end, I write more when personal problems arise, and the more serious the problem, the easier it is to deal with it by focusing on my writing.

It's the good times when I have to make myself stick to my schedule and write five hours per day.

I write more when I'm having any personal issues. Even more-so when I'm angry.

Heh. I hear that, Vanessa! Anger is a great motivator. Especially when it's of the "I'll show them!" sort.

It depends on the definition of 'personal problem'. It depends on how the personal problem affects the rest of your life.

Example: Both Person A and B (identical jobs in an identical location, with identical tenure and identical pay) get laid off, and they both have bills to pay. That's a problem.
If person A lives with mom or sis, is in perfect health, and had a couple thousand dollars in savings,then although that person has a problem, it is not overwhelming. I would assume that person would have the time motovation and energy to write.
Person B, however is married -with an unemployed spouse, sick parents, 4 kids, 3 cats, and their car just died, a tree fell on their house and they are behind on their mortgage....well there is a stress factor there that I think would inhibit creativity.

And it is not always possible for one to lock one's self away for 5 or 6 hours a day and immerse themselves in creativity; sometimes you have to plug the holes in the dike.

I agree that you shouldn't quit writing when something bad happens, but give yourself a break. Most everyone needs one. If your personal life has gone through major changes, give yourself a couple of days to adjust. I'm not saying to stop writing when something bad happens, I'm saying give yourself some time, or lower your daily personal quota like another poster mentioned. If you are forcing yourself to write, and you are aware you're writing stinks right now...what good is it to write more? Give yourself a day or two to catch your breath...a week if you need it, then get back on the comp and weave your brilliance.

Jaycinth said:

Person B, however is married -with an unemployed spouse, sick parents, 4 kids, 3 cats, and their car just died, a tree fell on their house and they are behind on their mortgage....well there is a stress factor there that I think would inhibit creativity.

And it is not always possible for one to lock one's self away for 5 or 6 hours a day and immerse themselves in creativity; sometimes you have to plug the holes in the dike.

Click to expand...

Such problems certainly can inhibit creativity. . .or enhance it. I suspect part of it depends on whether or not you're a selling writer or a new writer. I've been in a situation very similar to the one above, and I locked myself away for close to twelve hours per day, rather than five or six. I had a sick parent, no car, an unemployed wife, and we were months behind on every bill we had because I'd just gone through a long stretch where I was unable to work at all, including writng.

But in such situations you do whatever it takes to make money, and writing was the best chance of making money I had. So the moment I was physically able, I spent day after day locked away in a small room writing.

I'm not real big on such things as "inspiration," "creatvity," etc. Writing is something you either sit down and do, or someting you don't sit down and do. If you're able to go to a nine to five job each day, you're able to sit down and write each day. People rarely think about not going to work every day, no matter what personal problems they have. Writing is no different.

I might feel differently at a stage where I had no reason at all to believe I could make money by writing, but at whatever stage a writer is at, and whatever stage anyone is at with personal problems, nothing gets better unless you do something about it. Problems that paralyze you are probelms that aren't going away anytime soon. Doing something is always better than doing nothing, and just the act of intensely trying each and every day can make things better.