Memoirs Dealing With Sexual Abuse

I recently worked with an author writing a memoir that includes similar circumstances. This author doesn't have a relationship with the abuser because, while the actual abuse may have stopped, the toxicity of the relationship never did. Part of moving on and having a different family dynamic in their own family now meant separating from that.

Sorry about your unfortunate circumstances, but hope better days lay ahead. When I was doing social-work years ago, I encountered a few instances of battered spouses, and though it wasn't exactly what you experienced, there are some common themes in play. I learned that these women found safety, solace and support in the comfort of the supportive safe haven shelters I was able to link them to. So, you may find some insights by sharing/ cross referencing with some of these courageous women types. Please remember, it's NOT your fault. Good Luck!

Writer-2-Author said:

Hi All,

I'm writing a memoir that involves sexual abuse by my father. I'm wondering how many others writing memoirs on this subject have maintained a relationship with their abuser.

If you do, what do you tell yourself to make it ok for you to still be around him as an adult?

If you don't have a relationship, why have you made that decision?

W2A

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It's really hard to publish a memoir about sexual abuse. You've got to have a story that's different than any other memoir already out there on the topic.
I am currently in the querying process for mine and I do have legal components that haven't been written about.
I do not have a relationship with my abusers because they never acknowledged their crimes and misdemeanors, but for even more of a reason, because of how they behaved when I was an adult. I started planning my break from my parents when I was 12, so when I finally said goodbye forever at 22, it was something I awaited for a decade. It was a very easy decision.
With lots of therapy I could have probably gotten over the abuse enough to have a cordial relationship--birthday cards, bumping into them at family functions, but there was never a real, healthy, loving relationship to "rebuild" and I had no desire to start from step one with people who had a track record as bad as they did/do. It would have been so unhealthy and I couldn't have accomplished all I did with that kind of baggage.

Sue William Silverman wrote about this

For a whole education about memoirs on this subject, read "I remember terror father, because I remember you." In addition to writing this excellent memoir, Sue William Silverman wrote a book about writing memoirs, Fearless Confessions. She is accessible, and has several very helpful interviews posted on line, including for example on my blog:

Jerry

I don't know if this will help because it's not my own experience. But I know a guy who stayed in contact with his abuser. This guy was repeatedly abused by a female cousin from ages 8 to 12 (she was seven years older than him). He had a lot of anger toward her until he was about 15 and learned what she had been through and I guess he didn't completely blame her after that. They are not extremely close or anything, but they are occasionally in contact.

I once (about 20 years ago) went to a workshop by a couple called Simon and Suzanne Simon. They were brilliant. Suzanne had been abused by her father as a 6 yo child. She learn to heal herself, and later heal him too. She was quite extraordinary. Googling them, I found they had written a book together called Forgiveness:: How to make Peace with your past and get on with your life.
Suzanne works as a councellor. She is truly incredible.