Gullible writer needs help with Greedy neighbor

Hi All,

I don't know if this is the right place to ask this question or not, but I am extremely upset right now and no longer know what to do. I have been helping a neighbor with his marriage that turned into a divorce and custody battle for the past three years. He asked me to write his story and I agreed. Not as a ghostwriter. No, I've never been published. He just asked and I agreed. No terms were discussed. I helped him regain custody of his youngest child.

After speaking with two different lawyers, speaking with agents at writers conferences, and doing a memoir workshop with 11 other writers who were writing memoirs, they ALL told me that divorce books will never sale because they're a dime a dozen. They ALL said the fact that I was a woman, a wife, and a mother-I was the selling point. They also told me that it was MY memoir and therefore I had to add me into it.

So my part of the book is about my childhood of abuse, neglect, and rejection by my birth-parents, foster parents, and adoptive parents. Again, as they stand alone I imagine these are a dime a dozen too.

Putting them together into one book, I used his divorce issues and how they triggered events from my childhood.

A month ago I sent the neighbor a "permission/release" form asking him to sign that he won't sue me for content, right to privacy, and right to story since he'd given me this verbally. However, I wrote that there would be no compensation for him. Today, he said he doesn't know if he will sign it because of the no money.

It's MY story because I'm the one who's been writing this thing for two years now. His compensation is that had I not been involved, he would not have his youngest child anymore. He'd probably be in jail for domestic abuse.

Ok, so to the point of my venting: Can I write, or rather I should say sell, a memoir/autobiography about an abusive childhood that deals with 3 sets of abusive parents that continues into adulthood? I can't, can I.............it won't sell because they're a dime a dozen.......................

Just needed to vent I guess since I've just wasted the last three years of my life for a person who was never a friend................

Hi All,

Please don't get me wrong, everything I did was for their children! I do not have any regrets at all in that essence. I do believe the youngest child is with the right parent and I still hope the oldest one comes around.

I'm referring to the two years I've spent writing this story and all the chocolate I've eating and all the long island teas I've drunk............LOL!!! Seriously, I know it's a cliche, but I've really put my blood (paper cuts), sweat (venting outrageous events), and tears (buckets upon buckets) into this book. I had his verbal and written permission to write the story.

The problem came about when he realized he wouldn't get any money from it. Maybe I'm being the greedy one here??? Without me he wouldn't have youngest child and he would literally be in prison! For real! His wife set him up big time, but she made the mistake in telling me.

But I don't see why I owe him anything since I'm the one who's done all the work.

Ok, so you suggest that I still have a book without him, but in all honesty, do you really think so? I mean everything I've been told is like, "so what-you were abused. so were many people. what makes your story any different?" Nothing I suppose. I have multiple facets, but I don't know if that's enough.................???

You know, I never thought of the fact that the children could sue me or that I couldn't write about them. So far there is no gag order and the records haven't been sealed. I will check into that further. Thank you!!!

Thanks,
Robin

When he approached me with the idea of being "his ghostwriter," I told him then I'd think about it since I had already started the book on my own. He has been wishy-washy throughout this as one day he'd tell me to forget the book. Then he'd tell me, "we need to write this book." Then he'd tell me I'm going to hire a college student to write it. I told him, "go ahead; I'm still writing mine." Then he'd say, "We need to start writing this book." I'd tell him, "I already am." Then he'd say, "Forget the book. I need to write a screenplay."

I started this book in January of 2009 and he didn't talk to me about writing anything until the summer of 2009.

But that's not my problem. I get what you're saying though, I'm the greedy one. When he came to my house to tell me all about his wife leaving him, etc. etc. etc. neither one of us had any idea of how things were going to turn out. Ok, enough-I have no book whether he signs or not because of the children. I never thought of that........

To write just my story, I don't think it will sell because there are enough stories of abuse out there. I honestly don't know what would make my story any different.

Thank you all for your thoughts, advice, and opinions!!! You have given me a lot to think about.

Thanks,
Robin

Hi Squibnocket,

I don't see it as solely a profit issue but one of privacy as well. It's his personal life (and that of his children and family) that's being exploited for your gain. I fully understand any reservation, financial or otherwise, for not wanting one's personal business on display by a third party.

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Forgive my confusing everyone: While I had already begun the book before he asked me to write it, he did ask. He knew I was writing the book and I had his complete permission. He has supplied me with much information for the sole purpose of writing the book. We had never discussed money. The way I saw it, I'm the one writing it. When a writer only makes approximately 70 cents per book, I wasn't expecting much.

What I did discuss with him this morning is that the book is mine since I've done all the work, but IF it should ever become a movie, (LMN is my lifelong dream!) then absolutely there would be a percentage given to him. But, I never thought of the children and their privacy. That's a whole new ballgame of stuff to think about.

Could you include your involvement with him in a less personally-identifying manner? Perhaps something like "As I helped a friend through a messy divorce and custody battle, I found my own way through my years of abuse, neglect, etc."? Does his story have to be central to your own?

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The reason his story was central to my story was because first the wife left him and their children; my birth-parents gave me away after keeping me for seven years. She accused him of abuse; I have lots of abuse. She accused him of sexual abuse; I was sexually abused. Etc. and so on and so on. Everything about his story is what stirred up my story and the desire to finally write about it.

My husband has suggested that as well. I still want to tell my story, I just don't know if it would sell since there are so many books out there already on abuse. I'm tossing around writing it as a novel, based on a true story. That might be workable. The children are central to the core because they are the reason I got so involved and why I kept fighting and eventually helped to bring one home.

Thanks,
Robin

Hi Thothguard51,

It has already been suggested but ROF has her mind dead set its this or nothing, as is her right.

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I am so sorry if I've given you or anyone else the impression that this is an all or nothing thing for me. I turned to AW for advice because I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've been tossing around several ideas and you and others have given me great suggestions and I appreciate every one of them.

Yes, I'm even considering a percentage to the father. But, if I can't write HIS part of the story because of the children, it may be a mute subject anyway.

Thanks,
Robin

Hi Ruth2,

If you go ahead with the memoir as it is now written and you offer your neighbor a percentage of the profits, I suggest you get a written agreement stating how much he is to receive and both of you sign it in the presence of a notary. Otherwise it's going to be a real problem for you.

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That is a great idea, thank you! I still need to check into the children though. If the records are sealed, then it won't matter. I'm still checking into things. Thank you!
Thanks,
Robin

Hi Thothguard51,

You are right and have raised very valid questions. I guess I'd always hoped that the oldest child would come around asking questions and I'd be able to answer them for her. She's already asked me once, but I told her I had to wait until the case was over. I think she would believe me because her mom lived with me for awhile and we'd become friends, on my part anyway. The mom is looking at a strong chance of going to prison for fraud. I figured the children would want to know and wouldn't want to hear it from their father. It wouldn't be a he said/she said thing with me as it would between their parents. Naive on my part I suppose.

The last thing I want to do is cause more pain for them. I will scrap the whole thing in order to save them further pain. I will find a different way to tell my story even if it means not telling it at all. I never took the children into consideration and I thank you and everyone else for bringing that to my attention!

Thanks,
Robin

Hi All,

I just wanted to say thank you for all of your suggestions, opinions, and advice. I had never thought of the children's feeling and you shed some light on the subject for me. I have decided to change the whole book and make it a novel based on a true story. Since this changes everything for me, I have lots of work to do.

Thanks,
Robin

Hi Remlig,

Thank you for your words of encouragement. Today was a rough one for me and your words are appreciated.

Thanks,
Robin