Please Help A Confused Memoirist!

Writer-2-Author · Mar 6, 2011

Hi All,
I really need some serious feedback on a memoir I've been writing for two years now. I got involuntarily involved in a neighbor's divorce and custody battle and the main focus of the book was supposed to be how the wife lied and manipulated me into believing her life was in danger and that her husband was abusing her and possibly their oldest child. I bought it all and did nothing to tell the father of his wife's plans. After she sets him up for domestic abuse and takes the children and leaves the county to file for divorce, he provides me with black and white proof of her lies. Together, I help him fight to bring his children back home.

I've gotten 3 critiques on the story at writers conferences by published authors. One said, great story, timely, believable characters, etc. The second said "only a religious extremest would believe this." (After being told that the wife/mother was a drug-addicted lesbian, I advised the father to still fight for his wife and bring her back home after she'd left him for three weeks.) The third one said I was a "fluent and natural writer but your strength might also be your weakness." While that was nice to hear, it doesn't help me to know what to do.

During a memoir workshop with 11 other writers, 10 of whom are writing their first book, I was told that my story doesn't ring clear unless I write more of me into it. For example, because I told this husband to fight for his wife-they said it was crazy, no one would do that, and it's not believable. When I explained that I was given "away" (up for adoption) at 7 years old, I'd lost my family and therefore family means everything to me and I needed to do whatever I could to help this family stay together.

Before this workshop (in January) I knew what my story was about-my involvement in helping this father regain custody of his children. But now, I'm lost, confused, and down right frustrated in trying figure out what the reader is going to want to know about me. I mean, can I write the story as planned with little snippets of my childhood or do I need to write mostly my childhood with snippets of the divorce???

Several people have asked me, "Is this your story or his?" No matter which way I write it, it is still my story of my involvement in their divorce.......See, I'm a confused memoirist! LOL!!!

Thanks,
Robin

frimble3 · Mar 6, 2011

Well, it's a memoir, so it's basically about you. If not, it's just another of those 'spouse grabs kids and flees, other parent has long struggle to get them back' stories. Judging solely from your post, you're going to have to put in a lot more about yourself to explain how/why you got so involved in this mess.
First, you totally believed her story, then you believed his story so much so that you joined in his fight to get the kids back. (What was that, guilt over your previous actions?) At the end of your post you explain that it was your own childhood that drove you to the automatic 'save the family at all costs' reaction. 'Cause I think most people would say, fine, get the kids back, but not her.
"Together, I help him fight to bring his children back home." This almost sounds like you are a couple, which adds a whole 'nother vibe to the 'how involved I got in their divorce/custody trainwreck'.
So I think, yeah, you're going to have to have a bigger slice of 'you' explaining why you responded the way you did.

conspicuouschick · Mar 6, 2011

The NY Times recently ran an op-ed written by a guy who eviscerated three recently released memoirs. The one he praised was described as a revolving around a woman whose parents engaged in a suicide pact and ended their own lives. The author (their daughter) interviewed people who knew her parents to understand who they were and why they made this decision.

To me, this sounded more like a biography of her parents than a memoir. "Annie's Ghosts" by Steve Luxenberg, which I did read, struck me very much the same way.

I think it's important to keep the manuscript firmly rooted in you so it doesn't stray into biography territory. Think of your back cover blurb in terms of suspense and mystery - an unsuspecting knock catapults the narrator into a whirlwind of violence, lies, etc... The idea that no one can really know what goes on in someone's marriage... Perceptions and how they can change... I suspect that if you treat it like a thriller mystery and keep the reader guessing about who is telling the truth about what (much how you felt while it was happening), you'll end up with an intriguing story.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Hi Frimble3,

Well, it's a memoir, so it's basically about you. If not, it's just another of those 'spouse grabs kids and flees, other parent has long struggle to get them back' stories. Judging solely from your post, you're going to have to put in a lot more about yourself to explain how/why you got so involved in this mess.
First, you totally believed her story, then you believed his story so much so that you joined in his fight to get the kids back. (What was that, guilt over your previous actions?) At the end of your post you explain that it was your own childhood that drove you to the automatic 'save the family at all costs' reaction. 'Cause I think most people would say, fine, get the kids back, but not her.
"Together, I help him fight to bring his children back home." This almost sounds like you are a couple, which adds a whole 'nother vibe to the 'how involved I got in their divorce/custody trainwreck'.
So I think, yeah, you're going to have to have a bigger slice of 'you' explaining why you responded the way you did.

Thank you so much for your advice. Yes, I'm seeing that it is an absolute requirement to put more of myself into the story. This father and I are not a couple-LOL!!! I have been married to my husband for 22 years and we have 3 children. The way the book is written, it does make this clear. But I enjoyed the laugh! LOL!!!

Yes I believed her first. While she lived with me and after she moved out, she told me some pretty horrible things about her husband, and I bought it all. I told her, "I just want to go shake him and tell him to knock it off." She told me, "You can't! If he finds out I've talked to you, he will kill me!" I believed her and stood by while she put her plans in motion.

After she moved out and took the children with her, the husband brought me black and white proof of her lies about numerous things including her telling me he was convicted of domestic abuse in another county. I verified this myself, afterwords, and found another lie she'd told me.

The guilt of telling him to take her back in the first place kills me. When she told me of her plans and I did nothing to tell him, oh my gosh, I feel so stupid! I joined "forces" with him in order to get those children back home where they belong. The boy is home. The daughter is not. It's been a real tough pill to swallow as they say. My guilt is what drives me even when my husband and this father tell me I have nothing to feel guilty about. This is all in the book as well.

Thanks,
Robin

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Hi Conspicuouschick,

The NY Times recently ran an op-ed written by a guy who eviscerated three recently released memoirs. The one he praised was described as a revolving around a woman whose parents engaged in a suicide pact and ended their own lives. The author (their daughter) interviewed people who knew her parents to understand who they were and why they made this decision.

Yes, I've actually read that article and found the author to be very harsh, but I did understand most of his comments. Everyone I've talked to about my book has told me, "Divorce books are a dime a dozen and won't sell." However, they all then told me, "Because it's not your divorce, you got pulled into it, and the fact that you are a woman, wife, and mother writing a father's rights book, that is your selling point." So that is what I'm holding onto. I do see that I have to make sure it's written all from my POV and I have to answer the readers' question of why I got so involved in the first place as well as why I gave him the answers that I did.

To me, this sounded more like a biography of her parents than a memoir. "Annie's Ghosts" by Steve Luxenberg, which I did read, struck me very much the same way.

Agreed, these seem to be more about fuller lives rather than "a block of time."

I think it's important to keep the manuscript firmly rooted in you so it doesn't stray into biography territory. Think of your back cover blurb in terms of suspense and mystery - an unsuspecting knock catapults the narrator into a whirlwind of violence, lies, etc... The idea that no one can really know what goes on in someone's marriage... Perceptions and how they can change... I suspect that if you treat it like a thriller mystery and keep the reader guessing about who is telling the truth about what (much how you felt while it was happening), you'll end up with an intriguing story.

Thank you so much for the advice! I don't want this book to be about my childhood (that's a whole other book!), but I understand that I have to tell the reader the WHY of my decisions. I like the idea of keeping it all a mystery/thriller.....hmm, might have to consider that!

Thanks,
Robin

Purple Rose · Mar 7, 2011

Hi Robin, I agree about the need to be clear about whether this is a memoir (your story, about YOU) or a work of non-fiction (about someone else, written from your first-hand experience). You have received positive comments so I'd say keep writing but first decide what this is going to be. Maybe it is as simple as the book being your neighbour's story. Not a memoir, not quite a biography I suppose but a really good true story. All the best!

PinkAmy · Mar 7, 2011

Piggybacking on Purple Rose's comments, I think you need to figure out WHY you're writing the book and WHAT about the story makes it marketable to help you figure out the genre. If you're writing the book to assuage your guilt for giving your neighbor the best advice you had at the time and you're going to focus on your own personal experiences--then you've got a memoir. If you aren't the major character in the book, it's probably not a memoir in a true sense of the word.

If you're going to focus on the WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY AND HOWS of what happened, and make yourself a minor character in your neighbors' messy divorce--that's non-fiction. Since you weren't involved in the marriage, but only involved as someone who offered housing and advice-- you might have a more marketable story--but your internal motivation and guilt would then be secondary. You can write from your POV and the husband's, but not the mother since she's not a participant in the book and her POV would be seen through your eyes and your interpretation, not hers. It's all quite confusing, isn't it?

Not a memoir, not quite a biography I suppose but a really good true story.

I like her suggestion--but you have to decide how this will be marketable. Which section would this be in the bookstore? This will help you find an agent and help your agent know how to pitch your MS.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Hi Purple Rose,

Hi Robin, I agree about the need to be clear about whether this is a memoir (your story, about YOU) or a work of non-fiction (about someone else, written from your first-hand experience). You have received positive comments so I'd say keep writing but first decide what this is going to be. Maybe it is as simple as the book being your neighbour's story. Not a memoir, not quite a biography I suppose but a really good true story. All the best!

Good point. It has been suggested to me to write it as a novel, but based on a true story. I guess I thought that would still be considered a memoir....hmmm. I know it's not a biography simply because I'm only writing about my involvement in their divorce. I am not going back into their marriage or how they met or anything like that. If I make it a novel, that would go under the nonfiction section?

Thanks,
Robin

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Hi PinkAmy,

Piggybacking on Purple Rose's comments, I think you need to figure out WHY you're writing the book and WHAT about the story makes it marketable to help you figure out the genre. If you're writing the book to assuage your guilt for giving your neighbor the best advice you had at the time and you're going to focus on your own personal experiences--then you've got a memoir. If you aren't the major character in the book, it's probably not a memoir in a true sense of the word.

Yes, the book is being written about my guilt and why I got so involved in a mess that didn't belong to me. I am the main character writing about their divorce and how they pulled me into it. Is that a memoir or a novel based on a true story? Forgive the new gal, but what is the difference?

If you're going to focus on the WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY AND HOWS of what happened, and make yourself a minor character in your neighbors' messy divorce--that's non-fiction. Since you weren't involved in the marriage, but only involved as someone who offered housing and advice-- you might have a more marketable story--but your internal motivation and guilt would then be secondary. You can write from your POV and the husband's, but not the mother since she's not a participant in the book and her POV would be seen through your eyes and your interpretation, not hers. It's all quite confusing, isn't it?

I am the main character writing from my POV, but also share things the father is "feeding" me, including affidavits, lawyer talks, emails, police records and transcripts, etc. Yes, very confusing so I have to write it in a way that it won't be confusing for the reader...............

I like her suggestion--but you have to decide how this will be marketable. Which section would this be in the bookstore? This will help you find an agent and help your agent know how to pitch your MS.

When I went into my local B & N store, I asked where I would find memoirs on divorce. I was led to the Law Section, not the memoir section. There were only a handful of books from personal experiences there. While one might consider this as "just another divorce book," I'm hoping my involvement in it is what makes it different and marketable. Not to mention it's being written by a woman who's advocating for father's rights. You've given me a lot to think about-thank you!

Thanks,
Robin

PinkAmy · Mar 7, 2011

ROF said:
Hi PinkAmy,

Yes, the book is being written about my guilt and why I got so involved in a mess that didn't belong to me. I am the main character writing about their divorce and how they pulled me into it. Is that a memoir or a novel based on a true story? Forgive the new gal, but what is the difference?

So the focus of the memoir is about your misplaced guilt for involving yourself in your neighbors' divorce. I say misplaced because you didn't force anyone to do anything and yo supported these narcissists in the best way you knew how. They had access to lawyers and therapists, and may have made similar decisions if not for your intervention, but you still feel guilty. (tell me if I have this conceptualized wrongly). You'll talk about your internal motivations, things in your past etc. that caused you to become over-involved and an analysis of how you've become more insightful and developed better boundaries? The way I see it, you downplay the specific incidents of the divorce (even if they seem sensational and crazy) because people will be buying the book to read about your emotional journey and your growth.
The down-side of this approach would be if you don't have enough of your own story (you probably do).

KatieMac has three questions that need to be addressed about the MC (you in your memoir) for queries and to frame books.

If you were going to use the scenario of your guilt, I'll put what you might answer.

What does the MC want? To stop feeling guilty and undo the damage you believe you caused. (digging deeper would be to avoid similar situations, to be more at peace with your past, to develop realization that your guilt is misplaced, to avoid repeating the same mistake)
How are you going to get it? Helping the father. (more insight is needed- one way would be to develop better emotional boundaries)
What happens if you don't get it (stakes)? You end up feeling worse?
(you need better stakes and I'm sure you have them)

If you've gone this root, you no longer have a divorce story, you have a memoir and your neighbor's divorce was the event that cuased you to realize XYZ about yourself and heal your past (or whatever).

Less legal risk and worries about inadvertently harming the kids. But then you've lost the divorce angle.

I do not believe you can write a novel about something that actually happened unless it's fictionalized.

Think about your biggest goal for the book? If it's to help the kids by giving them the truth as you've experienced it, then you're not writing a memoir, you're writing a nonfiction book because the kids don't really care about your guilt-- they care about their parents and their lives.

If you want to write a best seller, a helpful book about divorce or a book that will have long standing in the market for people getting divorced-- you're also not writing a memoir, since that population isn't going to be focused on your emotional growth or guilt.

If you want to write for therapeutic reasons and to tell a cautionary tale about when good intentions and poor boundaries go awry-- you have a wonderful memoir.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Wow PinkAmy, you have me pegged! LOL!!!

So the focus of the memoir is about your misplaced guilt for involving yourself in your neighbors' divorce. I say misplaced because you didn't force anyone to do anything and yo supported these narcissists in the best way you knew how. They had access to lawyers and therapists, and may have made similar decisions if not for your intervention, but you still feel guilty. (tell me if I have this conceptualized wrongly).

Yes, it is my misplaced guilt. I know that externally because many people have told me so, including my husband and the husband in the story. But internally is where it gets sticky. The husband told me he would have taken her back whether I had agreed with him or not. But I knew of her plans to take the children and run and I did nothing. If I had, he'd still have money and most likely joint custody with both children. While yes, I helped him get the youngest child, the oldest one is lost to him at this time. It may take years for her to come around.

KatieMac has three questions that need to be addressed about the MC (you in your memoir) for queries and to frame books.

If you were going to use the scenario of your guilt, I'll put what you might answer.

What does the MC want? To stop feeling guilty and undo the damage you believe you caused. (digging deeper would be to avoid similar situations, to be more at peace with your past, to develop realization that your guilt is misplaced, to avoid repeating the same mistake)
How are you going to get it? Helping the father. (more insight is needed- one way would be to develop better emotional boundaries)
What happens if you don't get it (stakes)? You end up feeling worse?
(you need better stakes and I'm sure you have them)

If you've gone this root, you no longer have a divorce story, you have a memoir and your neighbor's divorce was the event that cuased you to realize XYZ about yourself and heal your past (or whatever).

Yes I believe this is the route I should go. I'll have to spend some time trying to figure out the answer to these three questions for my query. You haven't even met me and you've got me pegged! LOL! Are you a psychologist by chance? LOL!!!

I do not believe you can write a novel about something that actually happened unless it's fictionalized.

Well, then I think I'd better stick to the memoir and make sure it's clear that it is being told from my POV and involvement and why I did what I did.

Think about your biggest goal for the book? If it's to help the kids by giving them the truth as you've experienced it, then you're not writing a memoir, you're writing a nonfiction book because the kids don't really care about your guilt-- they care about their parents and their lives.

Probably true, but before the mom took the kids, I was very close with them, especially after moving their mom into my home. I am hoping the oldest child will appreciate my take on the events and what took place and why I got involved. They're good kids no matter what has happened and I'm hoping they will trust my take on things. Maybe that's magical thinking.........

If you want to write a best seller, a helpful book about divorce or a book that will have long standing in the market for people getting divorced-- you're also not writing a memoir, since that population isn't going to be focused on your emotional growth or guilt.

If you want to write for therapeutic reasons and to tell a cautionary tale about when good intentions and poor boundaries go awry-- you have a wonderful memoir.

I think I'd like to stick to the latter because I don't want to write a how-to book with no credentials. So all in all, I've decided it needs to be written as a memoir, but mostly about me and why I made the decisions that I did.

Thank you so much!!!
Robin

thothguard51 · Mar 7, 2011

ROF,

Please take my comments with a grain of salt.

First, I have to be intrigued by the story that is going to be presented, even in a memoir. If I want to read about my neighbors and their problems, all I have to do ask the wife whats going on. I can give you ten sad examples of friends of mine in the past dozen years who have gone through similar events as you have listed.

When I read a memoir, its usually about something that interest me, or has been brought to my attention and peaked my interest enough to read on.

Several years ago, I was given the memoir about Jenna Jameson. Now I am not into porn, but I also don't belittle those in the industry. I was not sure I wanted to read this, but after the first chapter I was interested in this woman's life and why she made the decisions she did. In other words, her lifestyle was so different from mine that I wanted to know what she had to say.

This is the type of memoir that draws me to purchase a book, not the everyday stuff that I can read in the newspapers or get from the local neighborhood gossip. And trust me, every neighborhood has this type of story.

So, the question is, what makes your memoir different? What would make me want to purchase this book? Are you going to name names, places and events that can be verified? For me, an outside observer, it still sounds like a lot of he said she said with your feelings mixed in the middle of it.

In other words, what is the point of this memoir for you, because the readers will make their own judgements on its merits.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Hi Thothguard51,

Please take my comments with a grain of salt.

I will take all the advice I can get and appreciate what you've written here.

So, the question is, what makes your memoir different? What would make me want to purchase this book? Are you going to name names, places and events that can be verified? For me, an outside observer, it still sounds like a lot of he said she said with your feelings mixed in the middle of it.

In other words, what is the point of this memoir for you, because the readers will make their own judgments on its merits.

Very good questions that I will have to give more thought to-thank you for asking them. I don't want it to be "just another divorce book." My point in writing it, I guess, is to explain why I got so involved. My other neighbors don't understand, family and friends don't understand, I'm sure outsiders (readers) might not understand either. Unless I tell them about me.

I believe their are lots of kids whose parents gave them "away" when they were older. I have never understood or gotten past the fact that my birth-parents kept me for seven years and then just gave me away. Up for adoption they call it. I was abused, neglected, and rejected by several foster homes and my new adoptive home. I have been on a continual search my whole life trying to find a family that will accept me, love me unconditionally, and not leave. Again, I'm sure that this has happened for others as well.

So what makes me and my story any different? I gave this husband/father guidance from my own personal drama. I didn't think about the fact that his wife was a drug addict who'd had two affairs and left him for another woman. The first affair was a man. I didn't care about the affairs or the drugs because all that mattered to me was those children. They needed their family to stay together. My family didn't stay together and so I had to do whatever I could to keep their family together. I know this probably still makes no sense to the general public/reader, but it made and still makes perfect sense to me.

I even moved the wife into my home-another thing that drove the neighbors crazy because they don't know ME, if you know what I mean. Even though child protective services said she had to leave the home for her children to be able to come home, I had to do what I could for those children. Again, I had to keep their family together. I believed the lies my husband and I were told.

After she had him arrested, took the kids, and filed for divorce, I learned the truth through black and white proof that everything she'd told me was a lie. I HAD to do everything I could to right the wrong I'd done.

Is this an every neighborhood story? Probably the divorce part, but I'm not so sure about the ME part of it. No I won't be using real names, except my own. I still have to protect the children and myself from being sued.

Why would you want to buy this book? I suppose if you wanted to know what happens to children who've been given up for adoption as older children, then this would give you a good picture. I'll have to think harder on these questions for my own self.

Thank you,
Robin

thothguard51 · Mar 7, 2011

So the story is more about this event with the neighbor triggering a lot of internal conflicts with you and that in my opinion is the story, which is far different than a general divorce story.

But that is just my humble opinion.

Good luck with this and I wish you success...

Ruth2 · Mar 7, 2011

I think thothguard nailed it ---that's your story.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 7, 2011

Thank you everyone for your input and advice!!!

Thanks,
Robin

frimble3 · Mar 7, 2011

I've heard so many people (usually women) empathising with someone because "I know how it is, I've been there" as though that were enough. It might be a really good thing to have a book out there that lays out the idea that "I shouldn't have judged by my experiences, because every situation is different".
Your book could be a lot more than 'just another divorce book'. But I think what makes it special is your story.

PinkAmy · Mar 8, 2011

ROF said:
Are you a psychologist by chance? LOL!!!

Yes, I'm a child psychologist and I worked with a lot of kids caught between two parents.

Probably true, but before the mom took the kids, I was very close with them, especially after moving their mom into my home. I am hoping the oldest child will appreciate my take on the events and what took place and why I got involved. They're good kids no matter what has happened and I'm hoping they will trust my take on things. Maybe that's magical thinking.........

Unfortunately, as much as you'd like to consider yourself unbiased--you're not. I don't think the kids will trust your take on things because their life experience has not been one of being able to trust adults. IF we go with your guilt that because you didn't tell anyone the mother was trying to leave, that caused much of the problems, then they would have no reason to trust you. I don't mean that harshly because I do not believe you are untrustworthy in their eyes, I'm talking about kids perspectives. You aren't unbiased, you want the mother to go to jail and for the father to get custody. That's okay. I would hate to see you set up false expectations and be hurt.

These children have spent the last years coming second to their parents narcissistic needs. While your intention is to be helpful, a part of you believes you'll feel absolution if they believe your version of events, heal their relationships with their father, and appreciate everything you've done. Having those thoughts isn't wrong, but acting on them probably isn't in their best interest. They will carry enough baggage into adulthood without yours. (I know you would never ask for their validation, but sometimes one's internal desires can be more evident to others than to oneself).

I still have to protect the children and myself from being sued.

More than anything, you have to protect the children from feeling emotionally exposed and used, even with different names, they will know the story is about them. The less you include them, the better.

"I shouldn't have judged by my experiences, because every situation is different".

Brilliant. That's relatable to lot's of folks.

Purple Rose · Mar 8, 2011

The plot thickens...Robin, you have plenty to go with from all the comments here and I have to say I find PinkAmy's comments to be exceptionally helpful and thought-provoking. Now to just think about what you want this book to be and where it should be placed in a bookstore. Not the law section, I'm sure. There's a book called Under The Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer (I think) and it is someone else's story (actually many people's stories) told by a writer. It's non-fiction and I have no idea in which section you would find it but books like that may help you narrow down your genre and skew you story accordingly. With a little more work and some focus, combined with help on AW, you should get your book in the right place

Writer-2-Author · Mar 8, 2011

Thank you Purple Rose and everyone here!!!

You have given me much to think about. I've reached my 50 posts and was ready to submit a pitch, query, or first chapter, but I want to take some time with all the great advice you've all given me. My first order is to be able answer KatieMac's three questions. I think I have to get more of a handle on how I want to write this............hmm.

A memoir for sure, but how much of my childhood to include. I'm not ready to tell MY story yet, so maybe just the parts about family since that's what this book is really about. It's about family and my drive to keep them together at all costs. I've grown up believing (wrongly, I know) that any family, even a bad one, is better than no family. Ok, got to go think now!!! LOL!

Thanks,
Robin

Ruth2 · Mar 8, 2011

Don't stay gone too long. We want to hear what you come up with.

)

Writer-2-Author · Mar 8, 2011

I have been working on this all last night and all morning so I will show you what I've come up with:

[FONT=Courier New, monospace][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What does the MC want:[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif][/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Robin is a stay-at-home mom with an admitted [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]mild[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] case of agoraphobia who has never gotten over the fact that her birth-parents gave her “away” when she was seven, so when Drake, a neighbor she barely knows, shows up on her doorstep and tells her his wife, Regina, left him and their children, it reopens old wounds from her own childhood that haven't healed causing her to fight to keep his family together, since hers did not.[/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]How are you going to get it: After encouraging Drake to take Regina back, Regina sets her plan in motion to set him up for domestic abuse, take the children and flee from the county that knows her, and file for divorce. After discovering the truth, ridden with guilt, Robin must leave the security of her home to right the wrongs she feels she made and join Drake in a legal battle throughout the justice, law, and social services to have the children returned to him. [/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What happens if you don't get it (stakes): Robin puts her own family in jeopardy as she struggles through the pain of her past while finally realizing in her present that the family she has always longed for, she already has, but could lose if she can't let go of her guilt over Drake's situation.[/FONT]

I hope this is ok, maybe I should post this in the SYW, but you have been the readers of this post so I wanted to share it with you first. If I shouldn't do this here then someone can always move it.

Thanks,
Robin

PinkAmy · Mar 8, 2011

GREAT!!!!!
I think what you've conceptualized is wonderful. I added a few things, to what you already have. I really like how you're framing this and I think you'll have an audience for people who find their past and their own issues clouding their behavior--the slow realization and the attempts to heal. I would bet after you finished writing this, you will have an entirely different perspective on the situation. I think you'll have a fresh perspective not burdened by unresolved interpersonal issues.
You've got a great project, in my opinion.

What does Robin want? To assuage her guilt and right wrongs she believes she is responsible for committing while understanding the effects that her past has on the decisions she made. She wants to avoid making the same mistakes again and heal her past pain.
How is Robin going to get it? What you have is good, but I think it's incomplete, because you're focusing on external actions to undo the mistake (undoing is one of psychoanalysis's defense mechanisms) and I think for a better memoir, there needs to be examination in to your own childhood wounds to learn and grow- whether that be therapy, a support group or 12-step program, bibliotherapy, journal writing etc.
What if Robin doesn't get it (stakes)? I like what you have, here are two other scenarios in addition to what you have: 1) what happens if all the court things go the way you want them to and you still feel guilty (indicating "it" was never about your neighbors, but you) or 2) things go awry and the father is in a worse position?

khobar · Mar 8, 2011

ROF said:
I have been working on this all last night and all morning so I will show you what I've come up with:

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What happens if you don't get it (stakes): Robin puts her own family in jeopardy as she struggles through the pain of her past while finally realizing in her present that the family she has always longed for, she already has, but could lose if she can't let go of her guilt over Drake's situation.[/FONT]

This is good. Does the story have a resolution? Do you finally choose to live in the present and let go of the past? Or are you still struggling with the past and you're hoping to resolve it before it's too late? You have to let go of the past - there has to be a clear resolution. That's your change. Once you do that your book will start to make a lot more sense as a book.

As for the manuscript - read it out loud with or without a recording device (I always use a recorder but never need it - I've gotten pretty good at catching caca on the fly). It may be technically very good but you may be surprised at what YOU can add to the story by hearing it.

Good luck.

Writer-2-Author · Mar 8, 2011

Ok, I'm going to try this again:
[FONT=Courier New, monospace][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What does the MC want: [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Robin is a stay-at-home mom with an admitted [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]mild[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] case of agoraphobia who has never gotten over the fact that her birth-parents gave her “away” when she was seven, so when Drake, a neighbor she barely knows, shows up on her doorstep and tells her his wife, Regina, left him and their children, it reopens old wounds from her own childhood that haven't healed which makes her want to help keep Drake's family together.[/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]How are you going to get it: After encouraging Drake to take Regina back, she learns Regina only came home for revenge forcing Robin to leave the security of her home to right the wrongs she feels she made and help Drake get his children back while at the same time attending therapy to finally deal with her birth-parent's rejection, her own misplaced guilt, and lack of boundaries so she can finally move on with her life, however, the biggest obstacle of all is Drake himself.
[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]What happens if you don't get it (stakes): Robin feels that if her efforts fail it could cost Drake his children while also affecting her emotional and mental sanity, her marriage, and Drake's children as she struggles through the pain of her past while finally realizing in her present that the family she's always longed for, she already has, but could lose if she can't let go of the guilt over decisions made that were completely out of her control.
[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Ok, let's try this again! Thanks for all of your help and support!!![/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Thanks,[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Robin
[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]
[/FONT]

Please Help A Confused Memoirist!

Writer-2-Author

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