The Most Incredible Journey

Jacob Fox · Sep 14, 2005

Well, I am going to go ahead and do something I have been avoiding for a LONG time. I am going to submit a short story to a magazine. Short stories have never been my specialty, but I know that they work very well in telling horror.

I am going to wait and give myself about two weeks to edit and rewrite this story, but if anyone can read it and give me feedback, I would appreciate it. So far everyone has told me it was really creepy, but I would rather get feedback from people I don't know.

Just go to the below link. Feel free to message me feedback or put it right here. If anyone has the time to help out, I would appreciate it GREATLY! Thanks so much!

Jacob

http://www.jacobfox.com/journey.html

preyer · Sep 14, 2005

well, there goes your electronic first rights editors want. oops.

The Numinous One · Sep 16, 2005

If you publicly post it on the internet, it's already considered published - in which case, most magazines won't want it.

Jacob Fox · Sep 16, 2005

Actually, after the first response, I emailed the magazine I want to submit it to and they said it was not a problem. So if anyone can give me feedback not related to this fact, I would appreciate it.

Jamesaritchie · Sep 16, 2005

Markets

Jacob Fox said:
Actually, after the first response, I emailed the magazine I want to submit it to and they said it was not a problem. So if anyone can give me feedback not related to this fact, I would appreciate it.

That editor might not mind, but many other editors care very much about having material posted online. You greatly limit markets when you do this. It's a bad idea in every way to post stories on a website that you want to sell.

As for the story itself, well, it needs some work. It is hard to tell whether or not some things are mistakes or typos, but some, such as

"Your normal eleven year old boy generally had their own problems with going to bed. They wanted to stay up and watch TV or play video games.ormal eleven year old boy generally had their own problems"

is likely a mistake, rather than a typo. The first sentence talks about a singular boy, but uses the word "their," which is plural. The second sentence also uses the word "they" which is plural. Overall, the story needs edited for tense and minor grammar problems.

The big disappointment for me is the ending. We don't get to see what happens in the bedroom.

I do think the story is salvagble, but it needs some work.going to bed. They wanted to stay up and watch TV or play video games.

Jacob Fox · Sep 16, 2005

Well, thanks and I will keep that in mind for the future. But as for this particular magazine I am working with, they said it was no big deal. I will take the advice in the future, though.

Well, I just posted the story there as a rough draft, actually, because that's how I wanted to get the feedback. And the "Your normal eleven year old boy" should have said 'boys,' so that was a typo and not a grammatical mistake. It's a rough story and it needs work, which I already knew when I posted it. It's the reason I did post it for suggestions.

So thanks for the feedback on the ending. I agree that I didn't really like the way the ending went. I have an idea about the direction I want it to go.

Thanks for reading it and being honest.

The Most Incredible Journey

Jacob Fox

preyer

excessively spartan

The Numinous One

Jacob Fox

Jamesaritchie

Jacob Fox