Do you ever feel like you are waiting for Parole?

Every day, unpublished authors peer through the bars of the cell, awaiting a word from the Wardon that your request to go before the publisher's Parole Board has been heard.

The mail comes and goes, and no word from your lawyer, your friends, or relatives. And finally, in desperation, you feel like screaming, "Someone get me out of this unpublished pit!"

Like Tom Hanks, on a deserted Island with only a soccer ball, we're trapped in our imaginations, wondering if anyone will see that message in the bottle. "Please read my query, someone rescue me. I beg of you...just get me off this non-published Island."

No, I've never been shipwrecked, or imprisoned, but I've seen the Shawshank Redemption and Cast Away, although it's been so long ago, I'm not sure I spelled it right.

Was it June, or July, that I happily responded to the request of two agents to contact them? Well, I expected to hear back from them right away. (Ralphie from The Christmas Story-imagination kicks in) "O, Nate...please, please sign with us...and of course, the Publisher will want to put your book on the fast track, so you don't have to wait that year or two from signing! In fact, forget those revisions on books two through whatever, we'll do those for you...sit back, eat grapes. You've made it. Did you know you're only two steps from Oprah now?"

Reality: The Final Jeopardy clock begins to tick. Do do do do, do do do, do do do do...but it keeps going and going, and still no answer!

More time elapses. Hours turn to days, days to weeks, and weeks into disillusionment. I start having these imaginary conversations, "I didn't send enough of my story for them to know I suck. They couldn't have guessed that without the full mss. I really didn't think they'd realize what a phony I was this soon and they have to want more!

Could they actually tell I'm a horrid little writing hack from that brief outline of my story?"

Of course, they are agents, and they just know. Karnack the Great (If you are old enough to remember Johnny Carson, this will make sense) holds the summary of your story in an envelope next to his turban, and without even opening it, he tosses it into the rejection pile.

Enough melodrama; I finally heard back from one of the agents, and fortunately they want more. Nate presses his face up against the cell bars again,

"At least they didn't deny my pardon outright. There's no contract offer yet. But in this long drawn out process, any news, any ray of hope, is welcome."

So, now I hurry up and wait again. Speaks to self, "SASE, Don't forget the SASE...Don't forget the SASE."

storygirl said:

LOL! I think most of us vary between these two extremes as we wait on daggers and swords (pins and needles just isn't strong enough).

At least the request is sort of like getting your hearing. I've had a couple of those in my time, and to stick with your Shawshank analogy, I'm like Red, and believe my hearings are nothing more than torture just to give me empty hope. Yes, I've grown bitter...but dang...still so hopeful. I'm starting to wonder how much sewage I really will have to crawl through before taking a deep breath of 'published author.'

Oh well, we can handle it. Writers are insane. We have to be in order to put ourselves through what we do.

Good luck with those MSs you've sent out! Let us know the what the good word is when you hear it (yes, I believe you will hear good news back and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you)!

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For me, this whole process is like the Never Ending Story. I've got so sick of hearing, "How's your book coming along?" Well, in my imaginary world, it's coming along just fine. I'm well into book three of the series, but I haven't gotten an agent for book one yet, so nothing's published, and I still go to work every day.

I should just carry a poster saying, "Same, nothing new, don't ask! Technically, I'm still a hack. "

If I knew what a long tedious process this was, I'd never have told anyone I was writing a book until book two was coming out. Then I'd say, "Oh, by the way, I've been writing..." Heck, my friends are more delusional than I am. They were thinking my book should be a movie by now.

arrowqueen said:

Look on the bright side - it may feel like prison, but at least the only publisher who actually bends you over your bunk and buggers you, is PA.

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LOL, I'm so sorry for people who've been down that road. And I'm very thankful to the people here who've shed so much light on the POD/vanity publisher market, or perhaps I'd have been tempted to go down that road, especially when I realized what odds I was up against.

JANE007 said:

Ha ha ha!! That was hillarious. BTW, I think the ball was a Volleyball (Wilson), but you could befriend a soccer ball and that would work just as well. I feel for you, I am still writing and am nowhere near sending anything out, but I can imagine how painful the process is.

I fear for my sanity when it comes time to send out my submissions... I had better go and buy a ball for myself!! Maybe I'll buy a dodgeball... seems appropriate.

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Writing the story has actually been the hardest part. (So far) It was fun until I started editing and revising. I'm convinced the first step of becoming a writier is entering a semi-delusional state. You picture all the fun you are going to have.

Then you realize if you spent as much time at the check out of a Wendies, as you are spending at this work in progress, pounding away on a keyboard in a half-lit room, and invested that money, you'd be making far more than you are likely to make as a writer. Still, if I'm going to dream, I might as well dream big, and expect to be one of the few who actually gets out of debt before they die. Oh, and I'll have a whirlpool tub too. And someday they can bury me in it! "There's the tub that Nate's book bought him! He wanted to be burried in it!"

storygirl said:

AMEN!!!!!!
My friends and family are worse. They always wonder why it is taking me so long to DO anything with my books. I swear I could just strangle them sometimes. I don't want it to take a long time, but they don't understand the process, so they think I should just give Oprah a call and have her make my book famous.
My manuscripts are pretty thick...do you think it's ok to start hitting people over their heads with them when they suggest and ask stupid things?

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I let out an inadvertant "Woo Hoo" at work, when I got the email from the agent. I'd written them off, and thought my material had accidently fallen into a vault that they never open. But, then I made the mistake of explaining why I "Woo Hooed", and the first comment came, "Can I have a free autographed copy?" If I give out free autographed copies to everyone who asked for them, I'd have a best seller, but I'd be the only buyer. Isn't that kind of like spending more than I'm making?

I forwarded the email to my wife, and evidently she told all these people. "Hey, wife, they didn't send me a contract, and even when they do (hopeful, there's still that little diddy about finding a publisher."

So, you tend to get prematurely congratulated, and then you deal with another year, of "So, how's the book coming along?"

I should just pretend I'm really Uncle Jim, and say, "Well, I used a Pseudonym." Of course, when they come to me to autograph it, I think that constitutes a Federal Offence, but hey, they'd be off my back, and as long as Uncle Jim keeps pumping them out, or until they arrest me for fraud, I can pretend I'm a successful writer.

Mistook said:

That's priceless!

But congratulations are in order You may be stuck in pergatory, but having an agent ask for more material is a big step! And don't be too disheartened. June wasn't that long ago.

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As for people asking "how's the book coming?" nobody even bothers with me. They're all done with being interested in my little projects. I spent 8 years going nowhere in a band. I spent another five years recording home-made albums of my solo music. I had a few "fans" left in those days, but the last "album" took two years to record, and ended up sounding too experimental for their tastes. It was my Edsel.

When I mentioned to people I was writing a novel, it was met with a universal reply of "Yeah, whatever."

Twenty one months later, I'm only half through the first draft. I'm a veteran of years long projects, but this one really takes the cake. Honestly, when it's time to submit to agents, I'll be glad to be rid of the thing and not have to think about it again for the eternity it will take to get a fish on the line.

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Ah, but I love you guy, and think you are very tallented. Great art, smart ideas, and you are very good at offering advice.

fallenangelwriter said:

with writing like your firts post, Nate, i wouldn't worry.

it really made my day.

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Thanks.

JANE007 said:

Ha ha ha!! That was hillarious. BTW, I think the ball was a Volleyball (Wilson), but you could befriend a soccer ball and that would work just as well. I feel for you, I am still writing and am nowhere near sending anything out, but I can imagine how painful the process is.

I fear for my sanity when it comes time to send out my submissions... I had better go and buy a ball for myself!! Maybe I'll buy a dodgeball... seems appropriate.

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Your angst story sounds pretty interesting. And you happen to have that kind of sideways sardonic sense of humor that a certain audience enjoys. (I saw your website) A little of Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday, meets Mae West, meets a young aspiring mother/writer. I think it will work.

sunandshadow said:

Maybe I should consider myself fortunate I haven't tried to get anything published yet. But I feel the same way about trying to get a job. I'm unemployed currently. I moved to Pittsburgh in May, and since then I've had three job interviews. The first one only bothered to inform me after the interview "Oh, we don't hire anyone who doesn't have a master's degree or 5 years of industry experience." The second one, I spent about 5 hours working up a proposed curriculum for the guy who offered to hire me. He thought they were great, and submitted them to the partner organization which advertises the courses. They vetoed all but one (without giving any reasons why or any opportunity to resubmit) and the only one they didn't veto was the only one intended to be taught by the staff they already had rather than me. Then the third one, their first response was, "Oh, we'll definintely need you, but not until August, get back to us then." Well, it's August, and I got back to them, but they're not responding to my emails.

People critcize me for being a mooch and goofing around with writing rather than getting a job, but how the heck am I supposed to be come a self-supporting 'adult' if no one will hire me? Is it any wonder I've come to hate capitalism with a passion...

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That sounds frustrating. Moving is stressful enough, but adding a job search is even more stressful. I hope and pray that things turn around soon for you.

Nate