Funniest Lines in Movies/TV

sspunisher · Aug 24, 2005

I was watching Roseanne, and for those of you who've watched it before, we all know there's 2 different Beckys. Well Roseanne was in a room, and the original Becky made her return after a long absence in this particular episode, which prompted the response:

ROSEANNE
Well where the hell have you been?

I thought it was classic, and my stomach still hurts. What is everyone else's favorites?

Cabinscribe · Aug 24, 2005

I remember an episode of Frasier, where Martin, the father of Frasier and Niles, has a new girlfriend, played by Marsha Mason.

Her character is a little on the sleazy side. I can't remember how it comes up in conversation, but they are discussing getting over bad relationships.

She says,

"My mother always said, the best way to get over a man is to get under another one!"

Niles looks at Frasier and says,

"I didn't know Mae West had children."

Perks · Aug 24, 2005

For some reason the first thing that came to mind was a line from Psycho III. As I remember it, this was a fairly fun romp in a familiar old playground. Anthony Perkins directed it. Anyway, Norman Bates has been released from the nuthouse and is holed-up back at the motel as a reformed citizen. He tidies up and reopens and one of his first customers, Diana Scarwid, tries to commit suicide by slashing her wrists in the tub of room #1 and Norman ends up saving her.

When he visits her in the hospital, she apologizes and comments that she, "must have left the bathroom a terrible mess."

Norman swallows with difficulty, "I've seen it worse."

gp101 · Aug 25, 2005

"You need a bigger boat."

-JAWS

preyer · Aug 25, 2005

indiana jones: 'trust me.' never fails to make me smile.

homer simpson to mr. burns while both are trapped under an avalanche in a cabin, homer envisioning burns' imagary army ready to attack: 'i've got powers!'

SNL as 'ted koppel' is interviewing the real steve forbes and reading excerpts from a book written by a mysterious author, the last quote being babble which i can't remember except it had, for no reason, 'boba fett' in it.

from 'vampire assassin,' the MC's v.o. at the end: 'i have become what i hate. i'm no longer a vampire hunter. i am a vampire assassin.' funny for all the wrong reasons.

Pat~ · Aug 25, 2005

"Does your duggy bit?" (The Pink Panther)

Joe Calabrese · Aug 25, 2005

"Okay. So... She's a dog."

StoryG27 · Aug 25, 2005

pb10220 said:
"Does your duggy bit?" (The Pink Panther)

*Inspector pets dog, dog chomps down on hand*
"I thought you said your dog does not bite."
*Man looks at Inspector and shrugs*
"That is not my dog."

LOL! I love this movie and this is my favorite part, though I don't know if I got the quotes exactly right. It's been ages since I lasted watched it.

PattiTheWicked · Aug 25, 2005

One of my Shows I Gotta Watch is Rescue Me on FX. It's not for the squeamish or the easily offended, but I love it and it gives me my weekly Denis Leary fix. Some of the best lines I've ever heard are on this show:

Dumb rookie: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Seasoned Firefighter: Well, knowing you, the odds are only about 50/50, but we'll give it a chance and see how it goes.

Most of the rest are too profane to repeat here, but damn, they're funny.

preyer · Aug 25, 2005

ash in 'army of darkness,' forgetting the lines to the spell: 'nikto clattu... brabrbrbebrus.'

funny to me.

bear in mind i also think 'come on, eileen' by dexy's midnight runners is one of the most brilliant pop songs ever made.

Pat~ · Aug 25, 2005

storygirl said:
*Inspector pets dog, dog chomps down on hand*
"I thought you said your dog does not bite."
*Man looks at Inspector and shrugs*
"That is not my dog."

LOL! I love this movie and this is my favorite part, though I don't know if I got the quotes exactly right. It's been ages since I lasted watched it.

Thank you! I'd almost forgotten the funnies that followed! (Love that movie...)

dragonjax · Aug 25, 2005

Joe Calabrese said:
"Okay. So... She's a dog."

God bless Bill Murray and GHOSTBUSTERS. My personal favorites from this movie alone:

"Where do these stairs go?"
"They go up."

--

"When someone asks if you're a god, you say yes!"

--

"Listen! Smell something?"

preyer · Aug 26, 2005

ah, yes, ghostbusters. love that movie.

'maybe we should split up.'

'you're right, we can cause more damage that way.'

scripter1 · Aug 26, 2005

Monty Python

The Holy Grail

"I'm not dead yet!"

"What is the flight velocity of a sparrow?
African or European?
Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

royalguardian · Aug 31, 2005

Muppet treasure island:

Captain Abraham Smollett: Who hired this crew? This is undoubtedly the seediest bunch of cutthroats, villains and scoundrels I have ever seen, so who hired them?
[Everyone points at Young Squire Trelawney, who in turn points at his finger]
Captain Abraham Smollett: Your finger hired the crew?
Squire Trelawney: No, that's silly. The man who *lives* in my finger hired the crew.
-----------

Spa'am: Hmm... we see you have boom-boom sticks... bye bye.
------
Rizzo: What's wrong?
Gonzo: It just feels so weird.
Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You and your hobbies.

:Clap:

Gonzo rockz.,mmkay

bluejester12 · Aug 31, 2005

sspunisher said:
Here's one that gave me a killer ab workout.

I was watching Roseanne, and for those of you who've watched it before, we all know there's 2 different Beckys. Well Roseanne was in a room, and the original Becky made her return after a long absence in this particular episode, which prompted the response:

ROSEANNE
Well where the hell have you been?

I thought it was classic, and my stomach still hurts. What is everyone else's favorites?

On Fresh Prince of Bel Air they got a new person to play Will Smith's aunt during the 3rd season. When his friend sees him the 1st episode of the next season he asks "Who's playing the mother this year?

triceretops · Sep 2, 2005

Joe Dirt had the best lines I've ever seen in any movie.

"Are you kidding, I'm going to let this go all the way--I'm a roast, baste me." (Something like that)

"You know I'd like to kick your azz up and down this place but I gotta go back to work."

"Awe, poor little guy...you want some french cries with that? How bout' a wineaken?"

"Goat-roper"

"Pig-licker!"

"Why don't you go practice spittin' out teeth.

"You had my back meteror."

(Sorry if they're not dead on quotes)

Tri

Lord_Galvatron · Sep 2, 2005

"Hey, Ripley, chek it out... I'm the ultimate badass!"

Funniest Lines in Movies/TV

sspunisher

Cabinscribe

Often ignored by muses

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower

gp101

preyer

excessively spartan

Pat~

Luftmensch Emeritus, A.D.D.

Joe Calabrese

StoryG27

Miss Behave

PattiTheWicked

Unleashing Hell.

preyer

excessively spartan

Pat~

Luftmensch Emeritus, A.D.D.

dragonjax

I write stuff and break boards.

preyer

excessively spartan

scripter1

Article Queen

royalguardian

bluejester12

I write and I wrong

triceretops

Lord_Galvatron