Favorite line???

David McAfee · Aug 13, 2005

I saw a post where someone was asking the members here what their opening lines are. So I thought I would ask what is your favorite line from your current WIP.

Mine is this one:

“Anna,” he said, giving the thing a name and a gender in two syllables, “Has all been explained to you?”

I dunno why, exactly. I just really like it.

alaskamatt17 · Aug 13, 2005

Here's my favorite from my first book:

Just before he fell asleep he heard the distant flutter of a bird's wings, followed shortly by a predator's call.

From my second book:

"It felt strange to taste your blood. I have never allowed myself to wonder what the taste of human was. I am relieved to find it bitter."

azbikergirl · Aug 13, 2005

Said by my female lead: "Unlike yours, Cirang, my mouth and my arse have different functions."

scribbler1382 · Aug 13, 2005

After my hero kicks down the door to my villain's lair:

It was the other stench that was making Frank wish he could bore into the door and get down with the roaches. Death.

loquax · Aug 13, 2005

After a compelling pep speech from my antag:

Then, instead of words, there came from his mouth a vibrant burst of crimson, for he had been shot in the back of the head.

cattywampus · Aug 13, 2005

Alaska, you've made leaps of improvement in the second one. And I love the "mouth and arse" one - talk about setting the tone for the story! That's really excellent, though the odd name stops the flow short.

I have several WsIP going, but my favorite opening line is from my fantasy for youth (principally girls), CHILD OF THE CLOVEN HOOF:

"It began the day Misty took her little brother out into the woods to get rid of him."

My favorite opening line from another's works is from an Ian Fleming "novel":

"The last camel died at noon."

What a wealth of information is packed into that line! The more meaning you can pack into a few words, the better. The book instantly gains depth that way.

Akuma · Aug 13, 2005

Zalman had always been a quiet boy.

Gripping, I know.

Carlene · Aug 13, 2005

"It was that one perfect time to visit Minnesota - after the last snowfall, but before the first mosquito attack."

From my mystery, "One by One".

Carlene
www.crdater.com

BlueTexas · Aug 13, 2005

I'm defining 'favorite' as 'hasn't been altered'. Not many of those in my WIP.

"The oars cut trails from the water into the wet sand, tracing more shifting permanence."

maestrowork · Aug 13, 2005

"Caffeine is good for the empty soul."

triceretops · Aug 13, 2005

Sorry, it's a dialogue passage:

“That’s a damn cheap shot coming from you, Ms. Dog faced boy, who can’t even count up the facts of what’s going on here. I suppose you’ll just swing those big tits of yours and we’ll all stand behind you for protection.”

Tri

JAlpha · Aug 13, 2005

If Jack listened to her—really listened—she wouldn’t feel the need to blather 15,000 more words per day then he does.

Mistook · Aug 13, 2005

My PI, to her client:

“Your life is very likely in danger... dumb-a$$!”

My evil villain to his newly hired bounty hunter:

“Consider it a deal. Oh, and if you wouldn’t mind killing the dog on your way out?”

alaskamatt17 · Aug 14, 2005

From a short story:

They would go to the crab farms: crabs do not care whether their food is alive or dead.

From the same story:

He remained hopeful that some sea beast would rise up and swallow him.

I don't know why, but I just like both of those.

KimJo · Aug 15, 2005

From my YA WIP, a force of light to a teenage guy:

"I'll stop calling you Zeke when you stop calling me Clyde."

three seven · Aug 15, 2005

loquax said:
Then, instead of words, there came from his mouth a vibrant burst of crimson, for he had been shot in the back of the head.

This is quite possibly the finest sentence ever committed to paper.

loquax · Aug 15, 2005

Why thank you. Go Britain.

Garpy · Aug 15, 2005

'Crud that's harsh....every little creature deserves at least one anus.'

I should clarify, the character is discussing a genetically engineered household pet.....taken from my YA-scifi novel.

NeuroFizz · Aug 15, 2005

My one-sentence summary of a marriage:

"I'll learn to fold the towels in thirds when you learn to roll up the extension cord without any goddamn kinks."

Mac H. · Aug 15, 2005

"But now my memory is failing, and one day soon I'll forget for the last time. Then all of those friends who still live on in my memory will be lost"

loquax · Aug 15, 2005

These are our favourite lines from our WIPs. They're all in context. You've posted on the wrong thread - there's one for first lines, too.

cattywampus · Aug 15, 2005

Oh, my gosh. Thank you for the heads up. I am getting too old, it looks like.

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse · Aug 15, 2005

From my my first (and last) short historical sci-fi time travel thriller/romance -

They had tried operations, hypnotism and even harsh tugging, but there was no denying it - his genetalia was indeed the spitting image of one Adolf Hitler.

scfirenice · Aug 15, 2005

"You taste as if your heart is breaking"

JC to AB

cattywampus · Aug 15, 2005

Nique, I hope you don't mind my saying a couple of things (yeah, SURE!) about your opening line.

You are definitely moving in the right direction. Good work! But even this opening line can be improved. First, the last part, "...there was no denying it - his genetalia was indeed the spitting image of one Adolf Hitler," is strong enough to stand by itself (say less, mean more). The other part, "They had tried operations, hypnotism and even harsh tugging, but..." is superfluous, irrelevant and only gets in the way, delays and depletes the impact of the last part. You don't want to bore the reader unnecessarily, do you? Consider this:

"Despite all their efforts, despite everything they tried, there was no denying it: his genitalia still resembled Adolph Hitler."

This still delays the impact, but not too long. 19 words. You used 26. So I saved you 7 words! Always write as though you were only allotted so many words. Why? Because the fewer words you use, the more impact your statement delivers.
Thanks for reading.

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