Pointless dialogue versus "telling"

My characters are visiting Egypt, and the places they visit require some "telling" rather than "showing." I'm at a loss for how to describe what the characters see and the history of the Pyramids, Tut's Tomb, etc. without too much telling.

The best way seems to be to put as much as possible into dialogue, but that soon degenerates into a character reading the guidebook aloud, or their tour guide giving windy explanations. Is it better to do some telling here rather than pointless dialogue? And if so, what would be a good size keep the telling under? Maybe 500 word blocks with short dialogue (five or ten lines) connecting?

gothicangel said:

This reminds me of reading Tess Gerittsen's latest. She went off on a spiel about Egyptian mummification techniques.

I left it there, I didn't care who 'dunnit' after that.

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Thanks for the reminder! Dennis L. McKiernan (one of my favorite writers) went into painful depth on dog sledding, which was interesting in itself but tedious to the story.

Perhaps an example would help

With dialogue to break up description:

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The bus labored as it climbed the tarmac road and stopped between the two largest pyramids; Khufu’s to the right and Khafre’s to the left. With a hiss of airbrakes the bus doors opened and the passengers poured out.

Ricky could taste the perfume from the blue-haired old ladies as he and the other three stepped off the bus. Immediately the tourists were barraged with offers of donkey and camel rides, bargains on guide books, or even personal tours by locals who knew the area and everything about it.

“Oh, my God, they’re huge!” Tracy chattered excitedly as she shaded her eyes to look up.

“Aren’t they though?” Derek replied, snapping pictures.

Ricky was momentarily intoxicated; the realization of where he was, the sights, the shouted touts and the incessant sunshine that penetrated deep into his skin. Peter snapped some pictures as well, trying to look aloof and failing at it.

“Let’s go in,” Derek said, pointing to the ticket line.

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And without:

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The bus labored slightly as it climbed the tarmac road to the base of the two largest pyramids; Khufu’s to the right and Khafre’s to the left. From this angle, Ricky could not see the top of either pyramid, as massive as they were.

With a hiss of airbrakes the bus stopped and let the passengers off. Ricky could taste the perfume from the blue-haired old ladies as he stepped off the bus. Immediately the tourists were barraged with offers of donkey and camel rides, bargains on guide books, or even personal tours by locals who knew the area and everything about it.

Derek and Tracy chattered excitedly to each other, snapping pictures and pointing. Ricky was intoxicated with the knowledge of where he was; the sights around him, the shouted touts and the incessant sunshine that penetrated deep into his skin. Peter looked around, seemingly trying to remain aloof but obviously impressed nonetheless.

Because only a limited number of tickets for Khufu’s pyramid were sold each day, they got in that line first. They were eventually successful, but not until after a long wait in the rapidly warming sunshine. An unexpected benefit was that the ticket vendor accepted Peter’s and Tracy’s student IDs for a discount on the tickets.

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Great comments all.

Thanks, that helps

My book has a word count problem, and cutting description is the easiest way to remove large blocks of "telling" text. Perhaps the example I posted wasn't very good, as in other places I do explain how things were built. I try to keep such explanations to under 500 words, but there is a lot of Africa to describe!

Jamesaritchie said:

Now, personally, I prefer it when writers do go into such things as mummification techniques and history. Without it, the book usually bores me to tears, and tells me the writer probably did his research with a map and a tourist guide, and may as well be setting the story in Peduka.

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I agree. In the shortened version, I feel like I've cut out the feeling of "having been there." I can have a beautiful, realistic book or I can have a published book. At 200K words, those are my options.

lucidzfl said:

Holy DAMN! 200K words?

I'd think about if you really need that much plot to be honest. Unless you're rambling on like Marion Zimmer Bradley for pages and pages describing a mountain, maybe too much shit happens in your book?

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Now you see why I'm wanting to cut as much as I can

They go too many places. They start in Egypt and continue south to Johannesburg. I'm halfway through Sudan and have cut about 15K of description and incidental scenes, and I have several more that I will cut when I get to them. I'm hoping someone will bite if I get it below 150K, although that's still about twice a typical first novel. The last resort is a radical restructuring, and it looks like it might come to that.