Beginning Sentence fragment....wrong?

miss_red87 · Nov 30, 2009

It was a cold dark December night

this is the first few words of my current WIP. Is this the wrong way to start the book? I think it shows more than telling but I need your advice guys!

Libbie · Nov 30, 2009

It's the right way to start your book if you make it work.

I know that sounds like a facetious answer, but it's really not.

katiemac · Nov 30, 2009

It's not a sentence fragment.

And it's more telling than showing (which is what I think you meant), but whether it is wrong I can't say. That depends entirely on your book and what works for your story.

Is this the best opening line you can have, or the closest you can get to the best right now?

If not, that's okay. You can always edit later.

Welcome to AW!

colealpaugh · Nov 30, 2009

I love big font and fast cars.

James D. Macdonald · Nov 30, 2009

Write the rest of the book. By the time you reach The End you'll know the answer to your question.

folkchick · Nov 30, 2009

You could say, It was a freezing, dark night in December . . .

James D. Macdonald · Nov 30, 2009

'Twas a cold an' dreary mornin' in December, (December)
An' all of me money it was spent (it was spent),
Where it went to Lord I can't remember (remember),
So down to the shippin' office went, (went, went),

Maxinquaye · Nov 30, 2009

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

The Lonely One · Nov 30, 2009

miss_red87 said:
It was a cold dark December night

this is the first few words of my current WIP. Is this the wrong way to start the book? I think it shows more than telling but I need your advice guys!

Not a fragment. But it could work. It seems like the kind of line which immediately compliments a more specific line right after. I've seen that sort of thing before, where the first line isn't a 'zinger' as far as totally grounding us, but it shades the line that does as a precursor. Something like:

It was a cold dark December night. (Character does or thinks X.)

Dunno if this is helpful or even right, just my inclination.

blacbird · Nov 30, 2009

It's not a sentence fragment, and you'll do yourself a favor by reducing your font preference to the standard normally used here.

caw

djf881 · Dec 1, 2009

Most likely, you want to start with people and conflict, and not setting, and your first line should arouse the reader's curiosity.

You're dangerously close to "It was a dark and stormy night..."

Misa Buckley · Dec 1, 2009

Maxinquaye said:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Now that is how you build atmosphere. I do love that poem

trocadero · Dec 1, 2009

My concern is that it brings to mind 'It was a dark and stormy night,' frequently written by Snoopy in Peanuts, and now the tag of the quite famous Edward Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which contestants must write the WORST first line for a novel. Just letting you know! I am extremely proud of the fact that I was a awarded a Dishonorable Mention one year.

Kalyke · Dec 1, 2009

It's not a fragment. It has a subject, verb, and object.

I don't usually begin a book or even a short story at the beginning page. I don't even quite know where the beginning is until the rough draft is written and even revised a few times.

I don't think a writer needs to have each and every sentance okayed by a group of people online, since in your writing you will probably change a lot of things. Why not write a chapter or two (not just the first line) and post them in share your work?

cwfgal · Dec 1, 2009

I might be wrong but I think the "fragment" the OP mentioned meant that those words are the first part of her first sentence, IOW, a fragment of her first sentence (hence the lack of a period).

Beth

DeadlyAccurate · Dec 1, 2009

Not a fragment, but not a sentence that makes your reader sit up and pay attention either. But if you don't end up rewriting your first sentence half a dozen times (if not your first chapter) after you finish the book, I'll be really surprised.

Lady Ice · Dec 1, 2009

miss_red87 said:
It was a cold dark December night

this is the first few words of my current WIP. Is this the wrong way to start the book? I think it shows more than telling but I need your advice guys!

It's a bit cheesy and bland. The first line should give a flavour of your novel, your style. Show us more of yourself in it (metaphorically).

Charlie Horse · Dec 1, 2009

Not wrong, just not very compelling writing I'm afraid. Personally, I try to avoid the word 'was' anywhere near the first paragraph. Just a personal quirk of mine. Then there's the problem with stringing adjectives together. Maybe it's just me, but something else I usually try to avoid, especially in the opening.

Slushie · Dec 1, 2009

Everything is wrong when it's in that size font.

It's one sentence. Probably don't want to get hung up on just one sentence. But, 'dark' and 'night' seem redundant. 'night' implies darkness, even in the winter. Now, 'a bright December night' could be interesting.

Maxinquaye · Dec 1, 2009

Well, we can all get into a discussion about the precision of writing sans adverbs and adjectives then

Write what you mean, and write exactly what you mean.

So, if it a very dark night in december, and it's important, shouldn't we say it?

Not even the streetlights on Main Street dispelled the dark of this december night when Jim got into his car drunk at Moe's Tavern and drove off.

gothicangel · Dec 1, 2009

If writing fragments is wrong, someone should have told Angela Carter! :tongue

miss_red87 · Dec 1, 2009

blacbird said:
It's not a sentence fragment, and you'll do yourself a favor by reducing your font preference to the standard normally used here.

caw

that was just the font I was writing in on the word, sorry about that.

miss_red87 · Dec 1, 2009

cwfgal said:
I might be wrong but I think the "fragment" the OP mentioned meant that those words are the first part of her first sentence, IOW, a fragment of her first sentence (hence the lack of a period).

Beth

EXACTLY! Atleast someone understands me!

miss_red87 · Dec 1, 2009

Thanks for the advice guys. I appreciate it. I was wondering about the whole "dangerously close to -It was a darka nd stormy night-" that was why I asked the opinion. I am reinforcing the sentence after but this is a flash back kind of moment. I needed to know if it would be too close to Snoopy or if it would be a little more interesting than that.

Slushie · Dec 1, 2009

Maxinquaye said:
Well, we can all get into a discussion about the precision of writing sans adverbs and adjectives then

Write what you mean, and write exactly what you mean. So, if it a very dark night in december, and it's important, shouldn't we say it?

It was a cold dark December night, darker than most nights when Niungailela would sit by the window and ponder life while eating her banana yogurt.

Beginning Sentence fragment....wrong?

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