How can I write this without making it seem offensive?

Basically, if you take a gay guy, have him closet himself and get with someone he isn't really attracted to, and you show this as a good thing...it won't be taken seriously. People stay in the closet and deny their sexuality all the time, and it's pretty bad for the soul. It's not a happily-ever-after scenario.

On the other hand, if he's openly gay but he falls in love with a woman, he would probably be really weirded out about it. I can't tell which it is from your description. There was a british tv show with this premise a few years ago called Bob and Rose. Bob totally freaked out when he realized he was in love with a woman. The show did get some criticism, but it was made by a gay guy based on real life events. http://www.guardian.co.uk/theobserver/2001/sep/02/features.review67

PS Stereotypes are not very good or interesting. Some people are campy, but that doesn't mean they have to be a stereotype.

One of my friends at work, she describes her boyfirend as gay even though he obviously isn't because they are truly madly deeply in a hetero relatioship.

But he's got that 'thing' going for him where he can wear certain things and behave in a certain way and pull it off. He's not Uber-male like he has something to prove, it's just the way he is, he's happy with it and people like him.

You can do it. Even without coming accross as shallow and offensive. Just add a few lines of description, maybe another characters thoughts of him (whether it be a thought process or dialogue) that justifies his character whilst not being judgemental or derogatory.

Rob.

I'd suggest you write it as well as you possibly can in the way that feels right to you and don't worry about whether or not people will be offended.

I think it could work quite well as humor, especially if you can have another character telling him "Wtf are you doing with that woman, you're supposed to be gay." and the campy guy strikes a girly pose and gushes, innocently "But I like her! She's so pretty and blah blah blah..." Other character rubs his temples, and huffs "Well fine, be all backwards if you want, just shut up already!."

When you say he's "presumed" to be gay, who is making the assumption? I ask because I think there's a difference between the character himself presuming he's gay and falling for a woman, vs. another character presuming he's gay and being wrong. Really, either scenario can work well. But people aren't always as good as "labeling" people as they think they are-- homosexuals are mistaken for heterosexuals, heterosexuals mistaken for homosexuals.

This is a pretty complicated subject, and even causes some arguments in LGBT circles.

The sexuality scale, according to Kinsey and refined by later studies, seems to be "completely heterosexual - mostly heterosexual - somewhat heterosexual - bisexual - somewhat homosexual - mostly homosexual - completely homosexual." So, the only one of those categories the character couldn't fit is "completely homosexual."

Of course, many people think the scale is simply "straight - bisexual - gay," (or even worse, "straight - gay"; check 'bisexual erasure' on Wikipedia.) That often confuses people, and could confuse the character.

Oh, and if the character is transgender, there's plenty of reason for confusion on their part. I used to wonder if I was gay, and other people seemed to have that impression as well. So, yeah, it can happen.

EDIT: If you want to avoid being offensive, mainly don't present homosexuality or bisexuality as being "weak" or "unnatural." Also, if you make it clear that while this particular character was mistaken, you're not saying that all gay people are mistaken about their sexuality, that should be helpful. As a writer, you're not obligated to avoid being offensive, so it's cool that you care.

Also, it's not really about offensiveness as much as cheesy cliched writing, but try not to fall into the trap of "gay characters are always comic relief." If your character acts campy, that's fine and plausible, but try to explain why. "Camp" is mostly a cultural trait.

Lady Ice said:

I suppose if it's possible for someone heterosexual to fall in love with someone of their own gender, than the same might be true of someone who is homosexual.

He's intended to start off as a stereotype. The strange thing about the fantasy world is that the characters have been created as stereotypes and they have to struggle to move beyond them.

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To me, you can have the characters do whatever is in their nature to do. the part I believe you have to write well is the part I've bolded. if it is known that he was just (as Jessica Rabbit would say, "I'm just drawn that way) drawn that way and he knows (or will learn) he is drawn that way, then what you have him do to liberate himself from how he's drawn is half the fun of the story, yes?

Let it be known he was intended to be a stereotype (as well as everyone else) as part of this fantasy world. Let the breaking out of it be your character's arc. I don't see what would be offensive about having someone break free from something he/she is not.

Anything you write is certain to piss off somebody, regardless if you intended it that way or not, your rejection slips will help, but you'll probably want to develop some tough skin so you can just forget about the morons who will send e-mails decrying your story, or stories.
Of course, that's what agents are for, let them deal with the stupidly written e-mails.

There is a group, I've been informed by a fellow AWer, called Demisexual. that your character might fit into realistically.

Don't worry about it. Camp gay men do exist, and I've met my share of them. You see, sometimes individuals in minority groups adopt the mannerisms of a stereotype as a sort of subconscious protest.

Then you have the whole problem of internalised homophobia. If you grow up in an environment where everyone dislikes gays, you're going to have problems with your identity because through your environment you'll have got the view that homosexuality is wrong.

Not everyone will be able to free themselves of that. And some free themselves of that by becoming the stereotype.

quickWit said:

I'd suggest you write it as well as you possibly can in the way that feels right to you and don't worry about whether or not people will be offended.

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This.

So...he's metrosexual and someone told him he was gay, but he's not totally convinced?

I know a couple of guys who are often presumed to be gay by others because of certain mannerisms and a general creative, sensitive bent. But they aren't and get really tired of gays trying to pick them up. (I know both of these people very, very well.) They are very definitely hetero, but are miles away from the macho stereotypes. Mind you, neither one ever had any doubts about his own orientation.

So people like that definitely exist in real life.

As for not making it offensive, don't play the stereotypes too hard. Other characters could perhaps be surprised when he fails to conform to their own stereotypical expectations. Then your story, at least that part of it, becomes more a comment on the folly of typecasting people. But again, I wouldn't make his mannerisms too extreme.

Mara's post said it all for me!

i think its the 'he falls in love with the woman' that complicates it. It makes it sound like he made that choice. we can be with someone and not love them, just out of necessity or arrangement or maybe to hide(as your character might be doing)

rather than to set him in a sexual orientated selection, why not have him have no feelings for either side, get rid of the love, have him maybe appreciate things about her, have him 'make do' with the selection he has to choose from. non-sexual in nature.

sounds interesting this conflict of choices...good luck

Seams

Lady Ice said:

Because he behaves in a certain way, he feels as if he must be gay because of what he's been told about his behaviour.

It's a thread in the novel as opposed to the main story but I could easily trip up.

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See, this is what I'd have a problem with.

My sexuality doesn't depend on what other people tell me. I just look at the people I fancy and go, "Oh, I'd do him/her." That's what gives it away, not other people's opinions.

scarletpeaches said:

See, this is what I'd have a problem with.

My sexuality doesn't depend on what other people tell me. I just look at the people I fancy and go, "Oh, I'd do him/her." That's what gives it away, not other people's opinions.

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Yeah, but you don't seem particular reliant on other people's opinions, right? Whereas someone who is not very self-confident and/or easily manipulated might be in a different situation. (For example, many gay people have believed they were really heterosexual based on pressure and bad advice from others. It could work in reverse.)

For people who have sexual hang-ups of some kind, there can be a lot of extra doubt, and it makes us more vulnerable to suggestions that we're a different orientation than what we think.
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Again, happened to me. My sexual hang-up was that I was transgender and didn't understand it. I still liked women; I just didn't realize that I thought of myself as a woman as well. It made romance and intimacy awkward for me, and I didn't choose to give up my virginity until I was 25.

Until I figured it out, I thought maybe I was gay and ultra-repressed or something, and would only be able to have a real relationship if I started dating men, even though it didn't feel right. It didn't help that some of my ex-girlfriends honestly thought I might really be gay.

I imagine that if the guy is demisexual (or even "metrosexual," which is not about sexuality but often confused with it), he could have some doubts about himself. If other people reinforce those doubts...yeah, it's plausible for him to think he's gay.
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Also, some people aren't really up-to-date on terminology. For example, someone who doesn't know what a metrosexual is might say "I'm a gay man who only likes women." An occasional crossdressing fetishist might think they're transsexual. Etc.

EDIT: The point is that sexuality is really complex, and just about anything in a novel is believable for me at this point.

Yeah, identity is a real hornet's nest. Particularly if you're a person that other people have opinions about - such as your character.

so the sexuality is symbiotic, only what their peers expect? that would allow more freedom.

From what i've seen in the responses, many avenues were presented..lol now you have to put your own words around them, form them into your plot and character's emotions.

good luck and writing with your piece