Subject and Predicates

Status
Not open for further replies.
maestrowork

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
43,746
Reaction score
8,654
Location
Los Angeles
Website
www.amazon.com
ARGH!

I'm editing something and I swear, 8 out of 10 times the writers do it wrong. Here are two examples (and I'm not even halfway done with the edit):

"Sporting a pearl necklace and harness, I photographed this cute pug sitting on the lawn." (is it the pug or the photographer who is wearing the harness?)

"Knowing that there would be many submissions, a question was posed..." (the question is a very smart person)

And these are PROFESSIONAL writers!


/end venting
 
backslashbaby

backslashbaby

~~~~*~~~~
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
12,635
Reaction score
1,605
Location
NC
I have one!

Am I doing it here?

It reminded her of lying in the back of her parents' car driving to Myrtle Beach before the sun came up, one back tire thumping a hypnotic rhythm.
 
dpaterso

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 12, 2005
Messages
18,805
Reaction score
4,600
Location
Caledonia
Website
derekpaterson.net
backslashbaby said:
It reminded her of lying in the back of her parents' car driving to Myrtle Beach before the sun came up, one back tire thumping a hypnotic rhythm.
Click to expand...
I do not believe that you are! A busy sentence perhaps, but I didn't lose track of the POV subject. Mayhap if a comma had slipped in after "car" I might have been confused over how she could be lying in the back of the car while driving.

-Derek
 
Izz

Izz

Doing the Space Operatic
Kind Benefactor
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 8, 2008
Messages
8,657
Reaction score
2,857
Location
NZ
Website
www.justgoodfiction.com
Hmmm... i think i have this problem too. For me, it comes from attempting to vary sentence structure, though i don't think i've ever written one this bad:

"Sporting a pearl necklace and harness, I photographed this cute pug sitting on the lawn."
Click to expand...

Oh dear. Now i have a compulsive need to go back through all my writing that's out on sub and check.
 
maestrowork

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 11, 2005
Messages
43,746
Reaction score
8,654
Location
Los Angeles
Website
www.amazon.com
backslashbaby said:
I have one!

Am I doing it here?

It reminded her of lying in the back of her parents' car driving to Myrtle Beach before the sun came up, one back tire thumping a hypnotic rhythm.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily, but it's convoluted. In context we know the back tire refers to the car, but you followed that with a few more things: Myrtle Beach and the sun. It's probably better to rearrange the sentence for clarity:

It reminded her of lying in the back of her parents' car, one back tire thumping a hypnotic rhythm, driving to Myrtle Beach before the sun came up.
Click to expand...
 
StoryG27

StoryG27

Miss Behave
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 2, 2005
Messages
10,394
Reaction score
4,062
Location
TN
maestrowork said:
"Sporting a pearl necklace and harness, I photographed this cute pug sitting on the lawn." (is it the pug or the photographer who is wearing the harness?)
Click to expand...
I think the pug is wearing the pearls, and the photographer is wearing the harness.

I know if I had a pug, it would wear pearls. And if I had a harness. . .Well, that is probably a topic for another day.
 

Jamesaritchie

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Feb 13, 2005
Messages
27,863
Reaction score
2,313
In that first example, I don't even know which one is sitting on the lawn.
 
StoryG27

StoryG27

Miss Behave
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Aug 2, 2005
Messages
10,394
Reaction score
4,062
Location
TN
The Lonely One said:
My Flash Fiction professor was considering giving this test to his freshman comp students :evil
Click to expand...
If I was given this test when I was in college, I would have fainted. That would just be so cruel. Funny, but cruel.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.