Boosting a Young Writer's Confidence

Maybe give her some new books to read, which might inspire her.

But, probably just having someone (you) tell her they think she's talented will probably help as much as anything. Being appreciated for something works wonders at that age. Then just let time take its course.

A TEN-YEAR old losing confidence? When I was Ten I was going to the first person to go to Mars, the next James Bond, get an A in Math for peats sake. When a Ten-year old loses confidence, what is this sick world coming to?

Tell her to wait a decade or two before she starts to doubt herself.

My guess is someone important to her has told her she sucks and/or will never be published.

If she's anything like I was at ten...

Tell her she doesn't suck. Tell her she's really good, actually. Don't say "for your age" because that never goes over well.

Point out exactly where you think her writing is going right. If she doesn't seem to bite, tell her you're not blind to any faults in her writing, and perhaps give a (very minor, very clearly defined) criticism, then return to the praise.

And tell her that it's a lot of work, and that you yourself have to do that hard work as well, and if you didn't think she was worth it, you wouldn't be encouraging her. You're not so mean as to set someone up for failure, and more practically speaking, you're not going to waste time you could be spending working on your own writing helping someone with no talent.

But that's a lot of assuming on my part.

I don't really "get" kids either, so I understand your problem. This was what I came up with:

How about you share some of your work with her, and ask her for her feedback?
I know it sounds weird, but I remember when I was ten, how happy I was to have a grown-up treat me like an equal.
Maybe you can write a short story (even one with her age group in mind) and ask her to read it and give her own thoughts/critiques. You might like to give her prompt questions, like: which character did you like best? Why? How can I make this story more exciting? If it were your story, what ending would you write?

And then - my theory is - it will spark a feeling of ownership in the craft of writing, and rekindle her confidence a bit.

Just a thought

It's really hard to say as I don't know this person. How you respond to this will largely depend on what kind of a person she is. Does she respond well to praise? Does she respond well to constructive criticism? Does she completely clam up if anyone even slightly mentions she might need to improve?

One thing I would probably do is ask about a specific story, perhaps one she hasn't finished and ask her what she's going to do with it next.

Another possibility is to talk about your own writing, times when you've felt inadequate, so she can see she's not the only one out there. Pull out one of your early pieces, perhaps take the time to mark it with red ink and point out where you started and where you are now. If you turn the focus away from her, she might be able to see through it.

Another possibility is talk about writing for the love of writing.

Whatever you do, tailor it to her. Good luck, confidence is a slippery thing that can be shattered at someone elses whim, but it can be put back together and built stronger than ever.

My troubles were always in plot, all through high school and college. Now I'm all about plot, and skim over the other stuff. I took a 13 year break from writing fiction, and exclusively wrote poetry before returning.

Tell this kid that there's a lot to learn, and if she loves it, then she should do it.

"You do what you are." -Alex Cross, Along Came a Spider.

A writer gets to create worlds; who else gets to do that?! We give life to the little people in our heads! They do things of their own volition, and live and breathe through us.

Even better, the worlds we create make others reconsider their preconceptions. We can change lives.

The word "author" is the root word for "authority."

Books have changed the world, changed public policy, and changed societal awareness. Whether it be via making people laugh and escape from opressive circumstances, invoking debate, or informing, writers play a key role in the human experience.

Ritalin!

She's hit rock bottom at ten huh?

She'll get over it. Just be there for her when she does.

A ten-year-old losing confidence is a sign of greater problems - possible pathologies, overall self-esteem issues, and behavioral abnormalities. Not to freak you out, but that's something to be aware of when interacting with the little girl.

My best advice is to not push her toward writing. Instead, read to her, talk about stories, have her tell you her thoughts, dreams, ideas, and so on. Go for walks, play games, see new things, make up jokes, make up new words. You get the gist - involve her in fun and engaging activities that allow her creativity to emerge on its own.

I've had significant academic and practical experience working with gifted children, so if you need any specific references, send me a message and I'll be happy to assist.

Riley said:

My neighbor's ten-year-old daughter is a writer. This daughter wants to stop writing because she's lost confidence in herself for reasons she won't divulge.

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Frankly, I wouldn't encourage anyone to write unless they were both brilliant and self-motivated. There's no way to be a success at it otherwise, unless you have a connection to someone famous.

Julie Worth said:

Frankly, I wouldn't encourage anyone to write unless they were both brilliant and self-motivated. There's no way to be a success at it otherwise, unless you have a connection to someone famous.

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I don't think that applies to children. Writing is an important skill, and publication is not always the ultimate purpose. It can be a good creative outlet for children, and a good way to develop language arts skills, which will be necessary throughout their academic careers.

Riley said:

My neighbor's ten-year-old daughter is a writer. This daughter wants to stop writing because she's lost confidence in herself for reasons she won't divulge.

But here's the thing. For a ten-year-old, she is AMAZING. It's been a long time since I've seen someone that young have near-perfect grammar and spelling. She can't characterize to save her life, but she has some neat stories overall. (My favorite was one about a trumpet that, when its owner tried to burn it, turned into a brass dragon.)

I know that she might return to writing later, but is there anything I can do to help her? I'm not so good with younger people so any suggestions are appreciated.

She's so good for her age, and I just don't want her to end up like me. Once you hit rock-bottom, it's almost too difficult to crawl up from it.

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Hey Riley. I would suggest talking to her and trying to find out why she lost confidence. When I was in grade 7 I had a teacher accuse me of plagiarism. I wasn't even sure what that meant. Our assignment was to write a poem and present it orally in front of the class. When I finished reading mine, the red faced teacher started screaming at me about plagiarism...sent me to the empty library to write another one, giving me 10 minutes. When she came to check on me she grabbed the piece of paper containing the new poem out of my hands, read the poem, crumpled it up and tossed it into the garbage. She then called me a plagiarist and a cheat again and told me to go back to class...and gave me a zero. I died a little that day. I don't think I wrote again for 4-5 years or more.

It doesn't take many words from an adult to throw a child off of something they truly love. I felt guilty and shamed for weeks over that incident. I certainly didn't want to try my hand at writing again...if though the night before I was practically dancing with excitement about reading my poem in front of the class the next day. It all came to a crashing end...I still hold that teacher in the highest contempt.

Get to the bottom of it...find out what made her lose her confidence. A few kind words of encouragement mind help to get her back on track.

Julie Worth said:

Frankly, I wouldn't encourage anyone to write unless they were both brilliant and self-motivated. There's no way to be a success at it otherwise, unless you have a connection to someone famous.

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That's certainly a devastatingly negative attitude. When you're 10 and you love writing and you're good at it...you should be encouraged. Brilliance will come later if we cultivate our loves early.

Salis said:

Ritalin!

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I do not see how this post is helpful. Nor is it funny. Shame on you.

I am astounded at the experience you had, KTC. I sit here wondering how I would have felt if my teacher in grade 6 had treated me that way. I most certainly would never have attempted anything again.


Riley, sometimes it just takes a word or two randomly to get a 10 year old girl to thinking about it again. Chances are, someone's made fun of her stories and even possibly her dreams.

My mother was the person who said things that devastated me as a young writer so I kept my writing hidden. Sometimes the people that should encouraging us are our harshest critics.

I would find a way to work it into the conversation about that trumpet turning into a dragon. The possibilities with that story alone are limitless.

I would encourage her to write privately for her own enjoyment for a while, and then be very selective about who is worthy of sharing her treasures. My 8 year old daughter has had her creativity crushed by teachers and peers who:
1) are perfectionist nit picks about handwriting or other irrelevant details and don't even seem to notice the content of her writing
2) don't like her songs -- that she composes on her own -- because they aren't as good as adult professionally composed and arranged music
3) wouldn't know a decent free verse poem if it bit them on the nose and try to cram her work into classic, stale ABAB iambic pentameter.

dempsey said:

My guess is someone important to her has told her she sucks and/or will never be published.

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This is my opinion as well. Kids are INCREDIBLY impressionable. If someone they respect tells them they suck, it can have a devastating impact.

Similarly, I think that her parents would be instrumental in fostering this talent. If she has parents that are supportive then great. If she has those passive-agressive parents that keep telling their kids that they will never amount to anything than that is the opposite of great. Hopefully she doesn't have those "sicky-sweet" parents who start with a compliment then end with a criticism.

You know something like, "This story you wrote would be great for kids who are stupid simpletons who don't understand anything. Good job sweetie."

Good I hate parents/people like that. Sicky-sweet passive agressive nips annoy me to no fcking end. But that is my own personal issue I guess.

sleepsheep said:

A ten-year-old losing confidence is a sign of greater problems - possible pathologies, overall self-esteem issues, and behavioral abnormalities. Not to freak you out, but that's something to be aware of when interacting with the little girl.

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Sorry, I think you are a bit off base here. Ten year olds go through a huge range of issues as they are struggling to develop their identities. Could she have the problems you listed above? Sure. But her 'symptoms' are incredibly typical of children. Especially depending on the type of parents she has and friends/people around her.

KTC said:

It doesn't take many words from an adult to throw a child off of something they truly love. I felt guilty and shamed for weeks over that incident. I certainly didn't want to try my hand at writing again...if though the night before I was practically dancing with excitement about reading my poem in front of the class the next day. It all came to a crashing end...I still hold that teacher in the highest contempt..

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That teacher should have been bullwhipped in front of a pay-per-view crowd. No child should ever suffer a humilation like that and I am genuinely sorry that you had to.

But I completely agree with you about how adults can influence children. She just needs to here from more and more people that she can do it.


Anyways, you've already gotten my advice several times over in this thread.

Question? Do you know her parents? What is the dynamic between her parents and her. Do they support the arts or are they the type of parents that regard the arts as silly and that she will need to focus on other 'important' matters, which would be a little heavy handed for a ten year old.

Mel...

Could her mother be talked into letting the daughter join AW (with Mom's supervision)? Nothing like finding a community that supports your dreams to build self-confidence and explore your possibilities.