Adjectives and Adverbs

laboi_22 · Jun 29, 2005

Many contemporary writing advice manuals tell us to avoid adverbs and their dubious conspirators, adjectives. Certainly, overuse of adverbs and adjectives make writing unnecessarily verbose and flowery. Often, the use of an adverb or adjective is unnecessary, or even worst, masks an ineffectual verb or noun. We cannot, however, strip our writing completely of these ubiquitous modifiers. How, then, can we achieve and effective balance between our use--on the one hand--nouns and verbs, and--on the other--adverbs and adjectives.

zarch · Jun 29, 2005

Choose nouns and verbs that don't need help. Instead of saying "he quickly ran out the door" say "he sprinted." Instead of saying "My sister, the forever ugly witch, ratted me out again" say "My sister, the beast, ratted me out again." .....or whatever.

Perks · Jun 29, 2005

One of my big editing projects for my ms was to do a string search for the letters 'ly' (I know that not all adverbs end in 'ly,' but you can splat a lot of flies with that swatter.) When I encountered an adverb, I'd see if I could write it out. For example:

She crossed the lawn slowly.

I would look at that sentence and think, "Okay, what else would convey that it took some considerable time for her to get from one side of the yard to the other."

She strolled the length of the yard, amused by the spectcle of her piebald cat arbitrating a dispute between two wrens squabbling over rights to the birdbath.

(This is a quick and clumsy example, but hopefully, you can see what I'm saying. You can tell that she wasn't in a hurry and that she was in a good enough mood to be amused by her cat's adventures. I think it conjures a nice summer day.)

It was an enormous undertaking, but I would say I improved my story by 75% in one pass.

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

Or simply:

She strolled across the lawn.

stranger · Jun 29, 2005

I think this is an overused piece of advice. I read my favourite books and look at the adjectives and adverbs they use. They use plenty of them. Would the book be better without most of them-- no, I don't think so. Would most beginners' writings be better off without the adverbs/adjectives-- maybe, that's a different story.

I accept that:
She strolled across the lawn
is much better than:
She crossed the lawn slowly
but not all adverbs and adjectives can be removed so easily.

Also genre and style can effect the number of adverbs/adjectives in a piece of writing.

Trust your ear not 'the rules'.

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

I will contest, though, that most adverbs can be replaced if we just try a little harder. Not too much.

Let's do an experiment. Pick out one of your favorite books (say, Harry Potter series) and post a few "-ly" phrases (Rowling uses a lot). See if we can change them for the better in just 2 minutes...

Roger J Carlson · Jun 29, 2005

stranger said:
. I read my favourite books and look at the adjectives and adverbs they use. They use plenty of them.

How many of these were published recently? If editors and agents believe the "very few adverbs" line, then your work with plenty of adverbs won't even see the light of day to prove the advice wrong. Writing styles change with time. This is one of those changes.

stranger · Jun 29, 2005

Roger J Carlson said:
How many of these were published recently? If editors and agents believe the "very few adverbs" line, then your work with plenty of adverbs won't even see the light of day to prove the advice wrong. Writing styles change with time. This is one of those changes.

The book I'm (re)reading at the moment is George RR Martin's Song of Fire and Ice series. Big thick fantasy. Crammed with adjectives. Not as many adverbs but there's a scattering of them. Maestro mentioned JK Rowling uses many adverbs. I recently read the assassin's apprentice series by Robin Hobb. Crammed with adverbs. (I read the first book before I heard of this no adverbs rule and only noticed all the adverbs in the second book because I was looking for them) All these authors were published and are very successful.

I have no idea if editors and agents believe the "very few adverbs" line, but I imagine that most of them are looking for a good well-written story which is what a reader will be looking for. I remember reading that the second agent JK Rowling applied to picked her up. Could the first agent have read the chapters, seen the adverbs, and dismissed the book?

An example I remember from a book of a very good use of an abverb. And to tag dialogue. Criminal. (I can't remember it exactly but it went something like this)

Scene with a husband and wife. Husband was with ex-girlfriend for years but hasn't spoken to her in a long time. He just gets off the phone.
"Who was that?" asked Mary.
"My ex-girlfriend. I told you about her. Susan. Our cat died. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the pet cemetery with her."
"Are you going over," she said flatly.
"I suppose I should."

The word 'flatly' here indicates the wife's silent disapproval. Eloquently.

azbikergirl · Jun 29, 2005

I've been reading Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy, in which she makes abundant use of strong nouns, adjectives, strong verbs and adverbs. She also Tells a lot, and includes an occasional POV shift (which we can accept as the narrator's supposition of what someone else thought or felt).

Returning to my favorite carpentry metaphor, how fine a piece of furniture can a beginner make if he limits his tools to a hammer and screwdriver? A master craftsman allows himself an entire toolchestful; why can't I? My conclusion is that once we master the hammer and screwdriver, it's time to begin allowing ourselves some of the other tools, but only to supplement the basics, never to replace them.

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

Occasional use of abverbs, in cases where the dialogue alone can't be sufficient enough to indicate the tone of voice, is okay. In the above example, "flatly" is fine. One can argue if another way is better to show her disapproval (such as an action or some other words she could say). But "flatly" is quick and easy.

Now, if you do this, I will have to smack you:

"Who was that?" asked Mary coldly.
"My ex-girlfriend," he said bluntly. "I told you about her. Susan. Our cat died. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the pet cemetery with her."
"Are you going over," she said flatly.
"I suppose I should," he said happily.

laboi_22 · Jun 29, 2005

Wow very good response guys. Thanks for all the advice. I do agree that ly is a problem. My writing uses lots of adverds and everyone tells me its crap so I'm just looking for ways to change. Also whats the deal with showing not telling. Hell the whole point of writing a book is to tell a story. Whats the diffrence

His face turned red with anxiety

v/s

His cheeks burned red like fire before he could write his name on the top of his examination.

Writing is so fickle is'nt it. LOL. Thanks again guys

Justin

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

Justin, I think you have the "show vs. tell" confused. It's not about saying the same thing with 20 more words.

Tell:

He was angry.

Show:

He clenched his fists and pounded on the window and screamed at the top of his lungs.

Perks · Jun 29, 2005

maestrowork said:
Occasional use of abverbs, in cases where the dialogue alone can't be sufficient enough to indicate the tone of voice, is okay. In the above example, "flatly" is fine. One can argue if another way is better to show her disapproval (such as an action or some other words she could say). But "flatly" is quick and easy.

Now, if you do this, I will have to smack you:

"Who was that?" asked Mary coldly.
"My ex-girlfriend," he said bluntly. "I told you about her. Susan. Our cat died. She wanted to know if I wanted to go to the pet cemetery with her."
"Are you going over," she said flatly.
"I suppose I should," he said happily.

Hee hee! That reminds me of one of my pet peeves. He said/she said:

"That was Sue on the phone," he said.
"She shouldn't call here," she said.
"She was sad about the cat, our cat. It died, give her a break," he said.
"Oh, I'll give her a break alright," she said.
"Don't get bitchy," he said.

I know that 'he said' or 'she said' is very expedient. But in a dialogue driven piece, it can be a millstone. I love writing dialogue, so I found that describing what the speaker is doing while speaking will release you from having to identify the speaker at every full stop. It's also a great way to show not tell, at least in characterization.

laboi_22 · Jun 29, 2005

Ok I think I've got it:

instead of writing: The dog restlessly waited by the door.

You could write: The dog, waiting by the door, jumped up and down and looked towards his ower back and forth.

This would mean that the dog was restless or nervous without using that adverb. If I'm right then by golly I've got it. And would I be write in saying that I've show instead of told?

Thanks again. I think I've got it.

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

By George I think he's got it!

laboi_22 · Jun 29, 2005

Thanks so much you guys don't know how much that helped me!

trebuchet · Jun 29, 2005

Perks said:
I know that 'he said' or 'she said' is very expedient. But in a dialogue driven piece, it can be a millstone. I love writing dialogue, so I found that describing what the speaker is doing while speaking will release you from having to identify the speaker at every full stop. It's also a great way to show not tell, at least in characterization.

I agree. Dialog tags, with or without adverbs, at the end of every statement can bog things down. They suck away at the power of the words. Well-written dialog should, well, speak for itself.

laboi_22 · Jun 29, 2005

So now that I have figured it out someone please read over this and tell me if I've used to many adverbs or adjectives for that matter. Thanks

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14837

jules · Jun 29, 2005

azbikergirl said:
I've been reading Robin Hobb's Farseer Trilogy, in which she makes abundant use of strong nouns, adjectives, strong verbs and adverbs. She also Tells a lot, and includes an occasional POV shift (which we can accept as the narrator's supposition of what someone else thought or felt).

These books are in 1st person, though, which gives you a lot more scope to play around with the language: it's like writing dialogue in a way; you're trying to emulate a style which your character might one day write an account of his story in. And while Fitz was well educated, he'd almost certainly never spent much time on the finer points of narrative style. It just wouldn't be necessary in his line of work.

I don't remember any POV shifting from the story, although it's worth noting that Fitz has a variety of telepathic abilities and does sometimes literally see things through other characters' eyes.

Mistook · Jun 29, 2005

trebuchet said:
I agree. Dialog tags, with or without adverbs, at the end of every statement can bog things down. They suck away at the power of the words. Well-written dialog should, well, speak for itself.

In two-party dialogue, I only use tags in the first few lines to establish the order and then go "tag-free" for as long as possible. When it comes time to tag the speaker, either to avoid confusion, or to indicate a reaction, I almost never use "said".

Flicking at his cigarette butt, he glanced toward the door. "The shipment should've come by now."

Or if it's two men talking, I might give a name, rather than "he".

When there are three or more people engrossed in the same conversation, I tend to use more name-tags to keep it clear who's speaking, but I've found that you can drop them completely if one speaker makes clear who will be next to speak:

Joe looked at Jane, "What do you mean?"
"The shipment never existed. You were conned!"
"Dammit!"
Lyle said, "Calm down. We're not beat yet."

But whenever I use tags, I put them at the front. It's a peeve of mine, but I hate reading a line of dialogue, assuming it's Mrs. Farnsworth, only to see at the end of the line that it's actually the gardener.

Perks · Jun 29, 2005

Mistook said:
In two-party dialogue, I only use tags in the first few lines to establish the order and then go "tag-free" for as long as possible. When it comes time to tag the speaker, either to avoid confusion, or to indicate a reaction, I almost never use "said".

Flicking at his cigarette butt, he glanced toward the door. "The shipment should've come by now."

Or if it's two men talking, I might give a name, rather than "he".

When there are three or more people engrossed in the same conversation, I tend to use more name-tags to keep it clear who's speaking, but I've found that you can drop them completely if one speaker makes clear who will be next to speak:

Joe looked at Jane, "What do you mean?"
"The shipment never existed. You were conned!"
"Dammit!"
Lyle said, "Calm down. We're not beat yet."

But whenever I use tags, I put them at the front. It's a peeve of mine, but I hate reading a line of dialogue, assuming it's Mrs. Farnsworth, only to see at the end of the line that it's actually the gardener.

So true. I love dialogue so much. I mean, honestly, life's plots are usually dialogue driven. If you can get it right it's such a gas. I really enjoy avoiding 'he said/she said.'

trebuchet · Jun 29, 2005

Me, too.

Jamesaritchie · Jun 29, 2005

A&A

The only thing I'd add is that the rules are different when writing primarily for children/young adults, as Rowling does. Adjectives & adverbs play much better with the younger crowd, and so does explaining the dialogue.

The young are less experienced readers, and often enjoy adjectives and adverbs that an adult would trip over. They also have less experience with dialogue, and sometimes need explanations that adults shun.

Exciting to a child often means dull to an adult, and overwritten to an adult often means just right to a child.

maestrowork · Jun 29, 2005

You're right, James. I don't usually read YA or children's books. I sometimes find Rowling's prose juvenile, even though I like her stories and characters. Then again, I am not a child...

ted_curtis · Jun 29, 2005

Jamesaritchie said:
The only thing I'd add is that the rules are different when writing primarily for children/young adults, as Rowling does. Adjectives & adverbs play much better with the younger crowd, and so does explaining the dialogue.

The young are less experienced readers, and often enjoy adjectives and adverbs that an adult would trip over. They also have less experience with dialogue, and sometimes need explanations that adults shun.

Exciting to a child often means dull to an adult, and overwritten to an adult often means just right to a child.

I'm not sure if I agree with this. Rowling, for example, is very popular with adults as well as children. And most picture books are bought by adults to be read aloud to kids, so they have to appeal to both audiences. Just like adult fiction, good verbs and nouns are preferable to weak ones -- sometimes more so because of the word restrictions.

Ted

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