How to write a fart (no, really!)

Pepper Jay · Jun 24, 2009

Yeah, yeah...

I know this is silly but I'm having a hard time coming up with a way to write out the sound of a fart.

The fart comes from a bulldog and I want it loud and strong. I think it would be more powerful if it had a sound rather than explaining it.

Any ideas?

Thanks!

dgrintalis · Jun 24, 2009

Blrrrrrrrrrrrrrt?

I think that's the first fart I've ever written.

LOG · Jun 24, 2009

You could just narrate that the bulldog farted, although if you use the word 'powerfully' as an adjective I'm going to start snickering.

C.bronco · Jun 24, 2009

It depends on the type:
Silent but deadly: poohft
Loud, yet non-smelly: PLBBBBBBGH!
Quick and excusable: bort!
Otherwise, blame it on the dog.

maestrowork · Jun 24, 2009

"The bulldog farted, loud and strong, like a trombone on a 1000 Watt amp with a side order fried eggs and two-day-old bacon."

Any question?

Srsly, writing out sounds is silly. Unless you're writing comic books.

Renee Collins · Jun 24, 2009

maestrowork said:
"The bulldog farted, loud and strong, like a trombone on a 1000 Watt amp with a side order fried eggs and two-day-old bacon."

Cybernaught · Jun 24, 2009

I must be eight years old, because this thread title made me crack up.

Chumplet · Jun 24, 2009

Personally, I like question mark farts. They start low, then twip upward toward the end. I guess it would sound like brrreeep? Dogs, however, let out sneaky hissy farts. It's easier to blame the stink on them.

bettielee · Jun 24, 2009

"He farted."

Dorian W. Gray · Jun 24, 2009

Have you read (suffered through) any books by Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'reilly, or Anne Coulter? If not, I would suggest that you suffer through them - suffer at least a chapter of each. Not only, you will learn how how to write a fart, you will learn how to write about different variations of the fart. Some variations were beautifuly spelled out by C. bronco, and others, above.

Gak

Don't look at me, it wasn't me!

Pepper · Jun 24, 2009

My uncle had a rottie who let one rip next to me. BWOP.

But seriously, I second what maestrowork said. On the (extremely) rare occassion I've read sound effects in a novel, it's always jumped off the page and given me the giggles.

poetinahat · Jun 24, 2009

We had a bulldog - he was an SBD dog. He'd sneak it out, glare at one of us, then leave the room in a huff... leaving a hefty huff behind.

dpaterso · Jun 25, 2009

PhrrrreeEEEEP! The unexpected sound made Bob and his mother look at Marcy. Without acknowledging their stares, Marcy picked up another Brussels sprout with her fork and popped it into her mouth.

-Derek

seun · Jun 25, 2009

My cats have been known to fart, then leave the room. Which doesn't answer the question, but I felt like sharing.

Admiral Snuggles · Jun 25, 2009

This is one of those things I LOVE to have the opportunity to write. So I would do the following:

Write out like 18 funny ways for this dog to fart and pick the best one.

Or, nondescriptly inform your friends and steal their ideas.

scarletpeaches · Jun 25, 2009

Onomatopoeia = bad.

poetinahat · Jun 25, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
Onomatopoeia = bad.

Wha... even Johnny Fartpants (there's always a commotion going on inside his trousers)?

/disillusioned/

You're... you're right, of course, Miss Scarlet.

maestrowork · Jun 25, 2009

She can spell onomatopoeia. I'm in :heart:

poetinahat · Jun 25, 2009

maestrowork said:
She can spell onomatopoeia. I'm in

True, man. That is soooo hot.

scarletpeaches · Jun 25, 2009

maestrowork said:
She can spell onomatopoeia. I'm in

poetinahat said:
True, man. That is soooo hot.

I could say something to you two guys that would get me banned, but it would so be worth it.

It's related to a conversation I had with Lori on MSN, so you do the math.

donroc · Jun 25, 2009

Read Twain's 1601 for soaring Shakespearian descriptions.

thethinker42 · Jun 25, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
I could say something to you two guys that would get me banned, but it would so be worth it.

It's related to a conversation I had with Lori on MSN, so you do the math.

Why do I always get dragged into this? Yeesh, now people are going to start speculating (probably correctly) about the things we talk about.

poetinahat · Jun 25, 2009

*ahem*

Sooo, back to the OP. I like Derek's approach, and maybe metaphors are another way of creating the, er, atmosphere?

thethinker42 · Jun 25, 2009

seun said:
My cats have been known to fart, then leave the room. Which doesn't answer the question, but I felt like sharing.

Mine will get in your lap, look you in the eye, cut one (audibly), and leave.

Damned cat...

scarletpeaches · Jun 25, 2009

DESCRIBE the fart, don't spell it out.

Make me inhale the methane. Present me with a page whiffing of sulphur, rotten eggs, decomposing rodent-flesh, the hum of flies, the moist wriggling of maggots in a three-day corpse...

Y'dig?

How to write a fart (no, really!)

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