"X & Y exchange a Z glance..."

Hang of Thursdays · Jun 10, 2009

I'm doing this a lot -- two characters responding wordlessly to something that's just happened or something that another character's said.

I'm doing it so much, in fact, that it seems obvious this is a bad thing. Should I try for more adjectives: "doubtful glance", "amused glance", et al, or is there another way to handle this that I'm not thinking of?

Cyia · Jun 10, 2009

It sounds like you're directing the actors. Most of those little pauses for answer are things the actor does on his own, not things that are scripted. They're nuance. Maybe once or twice, "silence" can be an active response to something, but more than that and you're pushing it.

Ask yourself if the look is vital to the plot.

Are X&Y conspiring together? The shared look would be a necessity to show they're in agreement (if a bit obvious).

Hang of Thursdays · Jun 10, 2009

Cyia said:
It sounds like you're directing the actors. Most of those little pauses for answer are things the actor does on his own, not things that are scripted. They're nuance. Maybe once or twice, "silence" can be an active response to something, but more than that and you're pushing it.

Ask yourself if the look is vital to the plot.

Are X&Y conspiring together? The shared look would be a necessity to show they're in agreement (if a bit obvious).

That's an excellent point. I thought I was doing good just not using parentheticals

. If the dialogue's strong enough, and the subtext easily understandable, it won't be necessary.

Cool. Thanks Cy. This was exactly the outside perspective I was looking for.

Kosh · Jun 10, 2009

Hang of Thursdays said:
I'm doing this a lot -- two characters responding wordlessly to something that's just happened or something that another character's said.

I'm doing it so much, in fact, that it seems obvious this is a bad thing. Should I try for more adjectives: "doubtful glance", "amused glance", et al, or is there another way to handle this that I'm not thinking of?

I'm guilty of the same. I end up taking them out or replacing them with gestures I know the actor will ignore, but get the point.

Hang of Thursdays · Jun 10, 2009

Kosh said:
I'm guilty of the same. I end up taking them out or replacing them with gestures I know the actor will ignore, but get the point.

Right, I try and do the same. But even the shrugs and arched eyebrows pile up after a while.

Team 2012 · Jun 10, 2009

Disagree. Wordless communication between the characters is as important as verbal communication.

There are as many ways to do this as there are individual styles. You can be subtle:

Bill catches Mary's eye. She nods.

Rocco and Dom shoot each other a look.

There's nothing wrong with that. And no need for eyebrows and shrugs. All you have to indicate that they exchange non-verbal concensus.

We've got a script here that goes like:

CANDY
You see my situation here?

Ryan and Justin's eyes meet. Whew.

Another example:

JUSTIN
Hell with this. Let's go back to my place.

Candy smirks at Ryan. Eat your heart out, baby.

The blankness of the first examples, the direct content of the last ones tell what's going on, but don't tell the director or actors what to do about it.
Also, they make a script easier and less boring on the reader than all the flatness they see so much of.

Hang of Thursdays · Jun 11, 2009

Team 2012 said:
Disagree. Wordless communication between the characters is as important as verbal communication.

There are as many ways to do this as there are individual styles. You can be subtle:

Bill catches Mary's eye. She nods.

Rocco and Dom shoot each other a look.

There's nothing wrong with that. And no need for eyebrows and shrugs. All you have to indicate that they exchange non-verbal concensus.

We've got a script here that goes like:

CANDY
You see my situation here?

Ryan and Justin's eyes meet. Whew.

Another example:

JUSTIN
Hell with this. Let's go back to my place.

Candy smirks at Ryan. Eat your heart out, baby.

The blankness of the first examples, the direct content of the last ones tell what's going on, but don't tell the director or actors what to do about it.
Also, they make a script easier and less boring on the reader than all the flatness they see so much of.

I like that, thanks. Looking back through, I see I've done that at least once, but was worried if it might be too informal, almost 4th wall-breaking. But it works here.

RainbowDragon · Jun 12, 2009

If they give the same look each time, just give the look a name or series of words and it'll read fast without sounding forced.

Will and Ned share a look. Excellent!

Jill and Fred make eye contact. Bogus.

Make it distinctive. Make it memorable. It sounds like important character development that they're close enough to understand each other non-verbally like that. Use it to your script's advantage.

"X & Y exchange a Z glance..."

Hang of Thursdays

useless info sponge

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny

Hang of Thursdays

useless info sponge

Kosh

Will Write for Food

Hang of Thursdays

useless info sponge

Team 2012

Hang of Thursdays

useless info sponge

RainbowDragon

Perpetuous Revisasaurus