Am I doing it right?

Rushie · Apr 24, 2009

I have bills to pay, I need to reschedule my neurology appointment, I need to call my dog's vet, and I need to plan dinner. Instead, I planted myself on the front porch with my Neo and wrote until I reached 2000 words and blew all the rest of it off.

I figure, eventually the power company will give me a "courtesy call" and warn me before they cut off the power, and then I'll hurry and pay the bill, I have until 48 hours before my neuro appointment to reschedule it, the dogs can wait another week to see the vet, and I can order pizza for dinner. But I can never get the day back to write my 2000 words and if I wait until the evening when I've done all the other stuff I will be tired and the family will be here interrupting me.

Do I finally "get it?"

scarletpeaches · Apr 24, 2009

Sounds just the ticket!

Bryan M Stephenson · Apr 24, 2009

Neo is rechargeable right?

I figure with a car charger you got a good week before you have to take care of the power bill.

Order 2 extra pizzas, you can write tomorrow too.

Neurologists are wicked smart, take the dogs with you, they can treat them too.

should net you another 10,000 words

Charlie Horse · Apr 24, 2009

Yes, and you should maintain that attitude daily forever and ever, amen. That's what you call passion.

James D. Macdonald · Apr 24, 2009

Do I finally "get it?"

No.

Crom's garters, chum! Reality always wins. Take care of the real world first.

jillianburks · Apr 24, 2009

I'm still a student, but I have seen authors who get lost inside their works. I love my made-up world and I could spend day after day in that world... but I know that while I'm writing, I'm also missing out on other things people my age are doing. I've heard of mothers/fathers working for months on a book and they rarely ever see their children. You've got to make sure your priorities are in the right order and give each thing you love an equal amount of time.

SarahMacManus · Apr 24, 2009

James D. Macdonald said:
No.

Crom's garters, chum! Reality always wins. Take care of the real world first.

I dunno - I tried taking care of the real world first and it took me over 14 months to get down a very rough first draft. When I ignored the real world, I got a good first draft down in 6 months.

Birol · Apr 24, 2009

I think there must be a balance. First, writing is part of the real world.

1) Take care of the neurology appointment. Sounds like you're avoiding it, but you have to take care of your brain. Without it, it's difficult to write.
2) Call the vet. It'll only take a moment and the critters are wholly dependent on you.
3) Bills add to the stress. Pay them. Hard to write without light. Can you write something that will help bring in money to help take care of them?
4) No need to worry too much about dinner. There's food in the house. Writing is work, too, and there's no reason the rest of the family can't help out with what is really a daily chore, including the kids. If they really, really can't, order a pizza, because, hey, you were busy working all day.

fringle · Apr 24, 2009

I dunno - I tried taking care of the real world first and it took me over 14 months to get down a very rough first draft. When I ignored the real world, I got a good first draft down in 6 months.

So long as your real world includes another person who's willing to keep you afloat, I see no harm in this. If not, well that's another matter.

scarletpeaches · Apr 24, 2009

Pfft. I prefer the voices in my head to the ones outside it.

Rushie · Apr 24, 2009

You are ALL right. I am enjoying your responses.

It occurs to me that I goof off to avoid both real life and writing. My problem isn't that real life prevents me from writing, or that writing takes me from my family... my problem is that I just goof off too much.....

Judg · Apr 24, 2009

Taking care of real life and writing 1500 words would have been a perfectly acceptable balancing of priorities.

Swordswoman · Apr 24, 2009

Yes, Rushie, I think you do 'get it' - and I remember exactly how it felt the first day it happened to me.

You can't always do it - sometimes the bills really have to be paid, the dogs really need the vet, and your family really deserve a home-cooked dinner - but it's frightening how often we kid ourselves that things 'need to be done' when actually they don't. I had things on my 'to-do' lists like 'hair-cut', and 'sort bedroom drawers', and didn't allow myself to write until those things were done. Errr - WTF? It's as if we see 'writing' as a hobby thing that always has to come last.

Well it isn't and it doesn't, and unless you're writing by numbers then whatever you write tomorrow just won't come out the same way as you'd write it today. Grab that moment.

I have a husband who would be seriously annoyed with me if I'd cooked a big roast but was depressed as hell because I hadn't been able to write when it was 'coming'. Usually I try to schedule so that I'm cooking and doing housework during 'thinking time' not 'writing time', but when it doesn't work that way, it just doesn't work. My husband comes home, I say 'sorry, that knot in chapter 10 just started to unravel, I had to write, can I get a pizza?' and he kisses me and says 'You stay right where you are, I'll get it myself'.

Sudden horrid thought: maybe I'm just a rotten cook...

Louise

scarletpeaches · Apr 24, 2009

I have no life, which is why I often write 5k+ in a day.

Actually scratch that. You want my honest opinion? Fine.

I don't like hearing that real life and writing have to be divided. They don't. Writing is my life, and I like it much better than I would like to have children or various other responsibilities.

I'll never have children but I would like to get married one day. But I would only marry (or live with) a man who gave me space to do my own thing. Of course, I would give him that same respect too. I'm not the sort of woman to live in someone's pocket and I don't like feeling smothered. (And I realise my use of the word 'smothered' says a lot about the men I've met up 'til now).

Writing's too important to me to have anyone or anything completely bleach it out. As important to me as your children are to you, or your job is to you, or your spouse is to you.

It was here first, so takes first place. Don't like it? Well don't ask me out, because that's the way it is.

Stijn Hommes · Apr 24, 2009

I find my health and that of my loved ones (including pets) more important than writing anyday. So I'd take care of the neuro and vet appointments first. Anything else can wait as long as you schedule them some other time before the deadline runs out.

Rushie · Apr 24, 2009

These are all such great perspectives. I love reading about how you all see this issue. I goof off so much because this is the first time in my life I've been free TO goof off. I've either worked or been raising kids all my life. I've been wife to my husband, mother to my kids and I guess Goddess to the dogs. Now that the kids are grown the pressure has eased off a lot. So I goof off... but I've decided to make writing my "job", so this is just transition for me. Finally I get to do the job I've always wanted to do, but I guess it will take a little self discipline and organizing to get everything into balance.

Birol · Apr 24, 2009

No. It takes a whole hell of a lot of self-discipline and organization to get everything to balance and you can't drop your guard for a minute.

DMarie84 · Apr 24, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
I have no life, which is why I often write 5k+ in a day.

Actually scratch that. You want my honest opinion? Fine.

I don't like hearing that real life and writing have to be divided. They don't. Writing is my life, and I like it much better than I would like to have children or various other responsibilities.

I'll never have children but I would like to get married one day. But I would only marry (or live with) a man who gave me space to do my own thing. Of course, I would give him that same respect too. I'm not the sort of woman to live in someone's pocket and I don't like feeling smothered. (And I realise my use of the word 'smothered' says a lot about the men I've met up 'til now).

Writing's too important to me to have anyone or anything completely bleach it out. As important to me as your children are to you, or your job is to you, or your spouse is to you.

It was here first, so takes first place. Don't like it? Well don't ask me out, because that's the way it is.

Exactly

I was incredibly blessed to find my husband--he gives me the space I need to write and will often pick up the slack if the house work is piling up. While I still have to balance things, it's nice to know that there's someone there to back me up.

The Lonely One · Apr 24, 2009

I think it's best to realize which priorities are excuses and which are vital to having a happy fam.

My priorities lie (lay?) with my wife, my dog and cat, because my moments with them I will never get back. Writing is a priority but if my family suffers I wouldn't think twice to drop it like a bad habit.

Ultimately, my future with the fam is my bliss. Writing, or music, or whatever else is a secondary happiness. My number one goal is to grow with my mate and have a daughter and go to bed every night with someone to hold.

Writing is writing. Not worth letting life pass by. Not worth sacrificing my relationship.

I think there's a happy medium in there, but when family tugs that's what gets my attention.

EDIT: this has no reflection on you or your post, just my perspective on the subject.

caitysdad · Apr 24, 2009

the family always is the priority. I try to keep my sanity by almost scheduling certain times to write and then take advantage of the unexpected opportunities. Monday nights are my night. I will watch football/baseball/wrestling or some combination or spend the whole night writing. My wife knows Mondays are mine, but she understands and I help her by giving her a night or two to do whatever she wants. Like one night I'll say "I've got the kids tonight you can do whatever. 1/2 an hour later the kids are sleeping, she's playing on-line and I write if I can resist the temptation for Grand Theft Auto IV.

And then I get time on weekends when I can. It's tough, but you have to want it. I want to be paid to make shit up so I make the time. 5 minutes here and there or staying up late. John Grisham was a lawyer with a house full of kids. The only time he had to write was getting up 5 o'clock in the morning. (I tried that, not a good idea)

I usually get three nights, sometimes four. I wish I could every day, but my reaility is that just isn't possible. No point in harping on it because that won't do any good. You just have roll with what you have and make the best of it because anything more will just distract you from your ultimate goal.

Dirtpoor · Apr 24, 2009

You only have one life, so you should 'do what pops your bubblewrap'.

Consequences should be considered though, such as: loneliness due to loss of spouse; children who don't visit you in the nursing home; those pathetic, soulful eyes of the dog as it lies on the vet table when it has to be put down.

Feeling guilty yet?

Rushie · Apr 24, 2009

Dirtpoor said:
You only have one life, so you should 'do what pops your bubblewrap'.

Consequences should be considered though, such as: loneliness due to loss of spouse; children who don't visit you in the nursing home; those pathetic, soulful eyes of the dog as it lies on the vet table when it has to be put down.

Feeling guilty yet?

Ha ha ha ha, no, it's not as bad as all that. The spouse is a hundred percent behind my writing; he's been trying to get me to do it for a decade. I think he wants me to publish a novel more than I do. The kids are grown and the dogs don't care; they're happy to lie there at my feet. Delaying their checkup one week isn't gonna kill them. Ha ha ha, I'm picturing the soulful eyes as they're being put down and the vet saying, "If only you'd brought them in LAST week... we would have caught it in time..."

Ken Schneider · Apr 25, 2009

Take care of real world business first.

If you have to get up from bed at 4 a.m. to write for a couple of hours,then do that.

Good luck.

JJ Cooper · Apr 25, 2009

Real life and writing have to be divided. Just like real life and a job have to be divided. Otherwise, life will pass you by.

JJ

Birol · Apr 25, 2009

Okay, let's stop referring to writing as a made up activity. That's the undercurrent of the mindset that makes it less of a priority in people's lives, that allows friends and family to dismiss it as something you can do "later." If you're serious about your writing, if you want to be a professional, if it's not a hobby, then it must be treated like a job or a career. It's just like everything else, though, it's only one component of the overall picture. You have to experience the world in order to write for it. It can't be all there is. There must be balance.

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