Synopsis

Mama Kin said:

What I would like is an opinion from all of you. Let me know if it made you want to read the script. Maybe tips on writing a better synopsis, as I've been finding out...everyone wants something different. It also could be that I'm looking in the wrong places.

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Mama - the answer to you question is No, i would not want to read the script based on this.

First of all your logline is not a logline - it's more like a movie ad tagline. A logline is supposed to let your reader know what your story is about.

A logline should tell about the character, plot and theme. Ideally someone should want to read your script based on the logline alone.

A short synopsis should give a little more info and detail than the logline and should also give a feel for tone and style - so a comedy synopsis should be written in a light, humorous tone (or dark humorous tone if the comedy is dark).

You say your script is a romantic comedy - but your synopsis does not give that impression at all - it sounds dramatic and heavy. Your synopsis also doesn't make your script sound very interesting.

What is Brad's goal?
What's in his way of him achieving his goal?
How must he change to get past the obstacle that is in his way?
What's the main conflict between Holly and Brad?
What's the theme?

Answer these questions then create a logline and synopsis that focuses on those answers.

romantic comedy?????

how is an alcoholic having meaningless flings with women funny?

and not only that:

Where Brad finds friendship with HOLLY, an answer he almost misses being hung up on the past.

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this sentence makes no sense

dude - you should have come here BEFORE you sent that email.
better luck next time

I agree, this sounds more like Leaving Las Vegas than Picture Perfect. Your logline should be peppier, more fun, if it's a romantic comedy. Right now it's dull - we get no sense of what the story is really about. And as has already been said, it's missing vital components like conflict and tone.

You should also work on the construction of your wording. Your current draft is a bit of a non sequitur. You tell us Brad is on a quest but that he's throwing himself into booze and promiscuity. Doesn't sound like much of a quest to me. At least not one an audience would want to get behind. Unless you mean he almost kills himself with drink, then goes on his quest. But if that's true, it's not clear. Anyway, we can assume that most characters in screenplays are on some kind of quest so you don't really need to tell us that.

Also, you don't need to mention Heather if it was a failed relationship. We know nothing about her, nor her contribution to the story which I suspect isn't much anyway so just call it what it is. "After a failed relationship, Brad decides blah blah..."

And as NikeeGoddess demonstrated, your last line isn't very clear. I had to read it a couple of times before I realised what you meant which I think is something like,

"Where Brad finds friendship with HOLLY, an answer he almost misses - (what with being hung up on the past and all.)"

A good starting point would be to answer the questions IWrite suggested and to take a look at the little blurbs on the back of DVD boxes that tell you about the film. Their purpose is to try to get you to rent/buy the film. Your purpose is to try to get someone to read your script. You have to sell your idea in a fresh and enticing way.

Mama Kin said:

I was looking through my books to find the appropriate length for both the tagline, logline and synopsis. However, the thirty or so places I've been looking at to submit to all have different requirements. What would you say the standard length should be? This is an open question to all.

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Mama - you should not be concerning yourself with a tagline - a tagline is one element of an overall marketing campaign to advertise a film to the public. Studios have marketing departments and ad agencies to handle that. Spec scripts do not need and should not have tag lines.

A logline should be a sentence. (in some cases 2).

As for the length of synopsis. A query letter normally includes a logline and then an additional short paragraph about the story.

A selling synopsis should be short as well - anywhere from a paragraph to a page.

A treatment is a more detailed telling of the entire story. Treatments can run anywhere from a couple of pages to as many as 40 depending upon how detailed the storytelling is. It should read like a short story being told in the present tense.

Never provide a treatment or synopsis unless specficially requested. The whole point of any submission is to get someone to want to read the script. The more you give someone before you get to that point, the more reasons you give them to say no before they get to that point.

No synopsis or treatment can over do justice to the script itself. But a logline and short synopsis should make someone want to read it.

If your synopsis is representative of your script you have a problem. First the writing is less than stellar on all levels - content, punctuation and sentence structure. I think your Word program made the "W" in where after N.Y.C. a capital when it should be lower case.

And usually when someone searches their soul they do it after they screwed up and then go on to make a better decision, not go off on a bender.

Lastly, your protagonist sounds like a loser with no redemption...not a good idea - especially in an R.C.

Anyone looking at your synopsis/query is looking at it not only for interest in the story but more importantly as a writing sample within itself. If it isn't well written you are killing your chances of getting to the next step.

The good news - you only sent it to one person. It's time to go back and take another look at your script and then rewrite your synopsis. If you know any pros it would be a good idea to have them check out your script and synopsis before you send out again.

Good luck!

Tell me something..Im a newbie too.
Would this be good logline.

Everyone says they would do anything to prove their love.
To die for love is one thing, but to kill for love, is another.

Is this a good LogLine?

I might not know how to write a good logline (check out other threads lol) but I thanks to the help of some folks here, I now know how NOT to write one...

...and that's not how to write one. Your logline, much like the one written earlier in this thread, is really a tagline. Check out this thread.

A lot of people confuse a tagline (what's on a poster) with a logline.

A logline is a nearly complete story with a character, goal and conflict in 25-35 words. Like:

Liar, Liar. "Forced by his 10 year old son's magical birthday wish, a lawyer must tell the truth for 24 hours."

or

A small seaside town's sheriff must get past his fear of water and opposition from the town's leaders to hunt down a killer shark before more are killed."

Hi Mama Kin,

Another symptom of your synopsis' problems is the way you keep referring to people's names. Why do that ?

For example, "After a failed relationship with HEATHER ..". You never refer to Heather again, so why mention her name? If you are trying to cut down on words, it would seem that the first step would to simply cut it to "After a failed relationship, he .."

Another thing to consider - Why did you CAPITALISE people's names ?

Ok, you want to emphasis them. But why do you want to emphasis HEATHER? As you admit, the story is about his life AFTER her - ie: She is NOT a major character with real screen time.

I realise that the synopsis has bigger problems that these, but I suspect that this may a symptom of a larger problem - uncertainty as to what the story really is about. If it's not really about HEATHER then don't mention her.

Consider a similar styled movie - "Along came Polly".

Here's a <100 word synopsis:

Reuben has made a life-and career-out of playing it safe. He’s a star risk assessor for a leading insurance firm, and an expert on minimising danger - nothing ventured, nothing lost.

Polly plays her life like a game of chance.

After a chance meeting, the recently (and extremely) jilted Reuben decides that for once, chance may just be on his side. Dating Polly might be the answer to getting his life back on track.

She's attractive, fresh, and funny, and after all, the two knew each other in seventh grade.

Just how much can a person change?

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(Pinched from the web - definitely not original)

OK, it's not a perfect synopsis, but we can see the difference between it and yours:

* Main characters clearly defined.
(Reuben & Polly) .v. (BRAD & HOLLY/HEATHER?)

* Goal clearly defined
(Reuben putting his life back on track) .v. (BRAD 'searches his soul'/'follows his dream'?)

etc - Look at IWrite's great list.

Another problem is that your story doesn't sound interesting.
In my mind, the synopsis makes me think the story is:
* Guy gets great girl, perfect life.
* .. but constantly whines about how the old girlfriend was better
* Girlfriend gets justifiably sick of him and dumps him
* Guy decides the Girlfriend is good after all, and begs to be taken back
* Girl takes Guy back

OK, that's probably not how it goes at all, and may be much better. But that's what the synopsis communicates to me.

Good luck with the changes,

Mac.