Honest Words
- Thread starter moblues
- Start date
Things I am unsure of, so I will mention: hyphen for "steely-eyed"?
Would it be more effective to make "ego" a proper noun, to personify it more strongly "as" that monster? Just curious.
I am new here, so this next question is merely my ignorance: Is your lack of punctuation a general style for you, or does it serve a specific purpose in this poem?
Fair enough. However, "sits" may be a bit low-key for the sense of urgency you're trying to build by using the word "monster" to begin with. If you don't believe me, try replacing "sits" with "lounges", and you'll see that "sits" is only a short ladder step up from it. Perhaps a predatory crouching is required, such as "hulks".
at a timeSeems redundant, so that you are left with a blank line with which to run amok with!
with each
Sweet mother of sweetness! Where have those two words been for the past decade? (Sorry. I live in America where those words are anathema to business/elitist leadership.) I am reminded of Orwell's statement, "In an age of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
I like the poem, and any thoughts about specifics are already in the post! (Neat how that worked out!)
I'd ask if you were calling the monster's name out, but I've already seen this at the bottom of your other posts, so it would just be a lame joke I should keep to myself, which I've successfully done by posting it here. Go success!
You've been Shatnerized.