Avoiding use of "I" in first person while maintaining a child's voice...

zeppelin123 · Mar 9, 2009

I'm working on an upper MG project. I'm writing from the first person POV of my 13-year-old MC. People on AW have pointed out that I overuse "I." It would be easy to reword most of these sentences, but it wouldn't sound like a youngster telling the story anymore. Any suggestions for keeping the voice with the age of the character without overusing "I"? If I cannot find a solution, I may leave it to keep the dialect natural. The link to ch1 of my project is here:

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=133673

Thank you for any suggestions,
-Laura

blacbird · Mar 9, 2009

zeppelin123 said:
I'm working on an upper MG project. I'm writing from the first person POV of my 13-year-old MC. People on AW have pointed out that I overuse "I." It would be easy to reword most of these sentences, but it wouldn't sound like a youngster telling the story anymore.

I don't quite understand the why of your contention that you wouldn't sound like a youngster narrating without the "I"s. If your sentences involve a lot of "I saw the cat run across the room" kinds of things, those are the easiest things to fix: "The cat ran across the room." The "I saw" is presumed by the reader in first person POV narration, and a change like that doesn't alter the reader's perception of the narrator at all.

caw

Angela_785 · Mar 9, 2009

I agree with blabird. I think there's lots of ways around the 'I' thing. The trick is to get out of the "I did this. Then I did that." structure. Use description to break the action bits up.

In first person, almost all instances of I saw/heard/felt/knew/etc are not needed. First person is direct, and we understand what is being seen, heard, etc is coming through the eyes of the FP Character.

smoothseas · Mar 9, 2009

zeppelin123 said:
I'm working on an upper MG project. I'm writing from the first person POV of my 13-year-old MC. People on AW have pointed out that I overuse "I." It would be easy to reword most of these sentences, but it wouldn't sound like a youngster telling the story anymore. Any suggestions for keeping the voice with the age of the character without overusing "I"? If I cannot find a solution, I may leave it to keep the dialect natural.

I’ve read a few of the things that you’ve posted and I’ve come away with the impression that you mc is articulate for her age. Why not let that shine through with some verbal acuity? Besides, young readers are savvier than we think*.

I can commiserate with you, though. I’m currently struggling with a first-person pov exercise and it’s in the present tense to boot. Now, I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that I learn something while laboring over it.

I have learned one thing, though, writing is hard work.

*I’m basing that opinion on my ten-year-old grand-godson and his fellow band of miscreants. He continually amazes me.

zeppelin123 · Mar 9, 2009

Thanks for these suggestions. When I finish my first draft and am doing editing, I will look through my project for instances like the ones you described above.

anne_marie · Mar 9, 2009

Just a suggestion but a 13 year old is not really all that young. I think you could get away with having a 13 year old character and not making them sound like a child. IMO, hat is an age when you might be going through a lot of emotional turbulence both physically and mentally.

Avoiding use of "I" in first person while maintaining a child's voice...

zeppelin123

blacbird

Angela_785

smoothseas

Life sucks... Then ya die...

zeppelin123

anne_marie