Odd guidelines from DAW

Nangleator · May 26, 2005

Good gracious! This page suggests I print my ms. out on 8" x 11" paper. Don't they mean letter size? 8.5"? Or will I have to strip a half inch off of a ream of paper? I'm not that accurate with scissors.

ChunkyC · May 26, 2005

So that's why they rejected me!

Jamesaritchie · May 26, 2005

Paper

Nangleator said:
Good gracious! This page suggests I print my ms. out on 8" x 11" paper. Don't they mean letter size? 8.5"? Or will I have to strip a half inch off of a ream of paper? I'm not that accurate with scissors.

Hmmm, maybe that's what so many new writers have been doing wrong. They do mean 8x11, of course, and all the pro writers I know always trim their paper before submitting stories.

MacAllister · May 26, 2005

James, that's just wicked. :ROFL:

Jamesaritchie · May 26, 2005

Paper

MacAllister said:
James, that's just wicked.

Wicked? Don't you think new writers have the right to know such things? I don't think new writers should be rejected unread just because they submit on paper that's half an inch too wide for the editor's inbox.

James D. Macdonald · May 26, 2005

The real secret to getting published is to type the cover letter in red ink.

You remember how typewriter ribbons used to be half red and half black? Did you ever wonder what the red half was used for?

That was so the Real writers could signal the editors.

The other part of the secret was to include a tin of sardines along with the submission.

Now you know.

MacAllister · May 26, 2005

You guys aren't going to go ahead and tell 'em the trick about turning page 27 upside down? So that if you get it back you know whether the editor read that far?

Or sending it certified?

Zane Curtis · May 26, 2005

What? You guys use "letter" size paper?

Wow.

I don't think I've ever even seen a sheet of that in my entirely life.

Liam Jackson · May 26, 2005

A friend gave me the heads-up on the sardines just before I submitted my first novel. Really saved the day for me. (I already knew about trimming off the half-inch.)

What I really need now is the link for that magazine that carries all those guaranteed story ideas.

Nangleator · May 26, 2005

MacAllister said:
...the trick about turning page 27 upside down...

Ah... So much simpler than my elaborate pattern of dandruff betwixt 89 and 90.

But as every newbie knows, editors read as handily upside down as right side up. That way, they can read valuable bits from the slushpile of other editors they conveniently visit during the day.

As for the paper, perhaps I can hold my manuscript out the car door to grind off that pesky half inch on the way to the Post Office.

awatkins · May 26, 2005

This is where those paper cutters really come in handy. You just have to be careful not to get your fingers in the way when the blade comes down. Office Max carries'em.

Oh, and always send your manuscript certified. That way the editor will know you take things seriously. Thanks for the reminder, Mac.

MacAllister · May 26, 2005

So much simpler than my elaborate pattern of dandruff betwixt 89 and 90.

page 89 and 90!

God, to have that kind of confidence...

Jamesaritchie · May 26, 2005

Magazine

LiamJackson said:
What I really need now is the link for that magazine that carries all those guaranteed story ideas.

Now you're getting into stuff that's real and serious. I assume you're talking about "Ideas Monthly: The Magazine for Professional Writers."

I guess it's all right to talk about it since Stephen King pretty much let the cat out of the bag after thanking them when he won the National Book Award.

But it won't do new writers any good. You have to be a pro writer with at least three short stories in national magazines, or one novel sale to a mainstream publisher (And the novel must earn out its advance.) before you can get a subscription.

And at $995 per year, it's pretty steep, even for pro writers. But Stephen King did say three of his top novels came about directly because of "Ideas Monthly." John Grisham claims two of his novels came from feature ideas found there.

I know there are those who think it's unfair for pro writers to have access to such a magazine when new writers could probably use it more, but some things have to be earned, and rightfully so. Darned near every selling idea I've had came from "Ideas Monthly," though most of mine come from the "Tidbits & Treasures" section in the back, rather than the fetaures idea section.

They don't have a website, of course, but now that Stephen King broke the news, they aren't trying to keep quite such a low profile, and may well start a website early next year.

pianoman5 · May 26, 2005

An old hand in the business once told me that perfumed paper really does the trick, especially with so many readers these days being female. They just love fragrant text.

Oh, and a few stick-on smilies on your synopsis also usually improves their disposition.

brokenfingers · May 26, 2005

Is it true that they prefer it if you hand deliver your manuscript to them?

I'm anticipating my novel to be complete in the fall of 2005 and I'm already practicing a grand song and dance routine guaranteed to impress the editor when I slap my manuscript down on her desk.

Do you guys think I should bring musicians with me or just tote my boombox into the editor's office with me?

James D. Macdonald · May 26, 2005

Make sure you include a bunch of that "pixie dust" glitter in the envelope with your manuscript. Really brings a smile to those jaded ol' editors' faces.

MacAllister · May 26, 2005

And you can have custom color cartridges made, for your print out. I usually use a deep burgundy text on sort of metallic-flecked mustard-color paper.

Stands out better in the slush pile, that way.

Maybe the boombox, BF--just in case the editor's office was once a small closet...hate to make the musicians stand out in the hall.

sgtsdaughter · May 26, 2005

Dude . . . you guys are weaklings. I always stick a 20 in after page 30. All my editors must read that far because I've never gotten the 20 back.

James D. Macdonald · May 26, 2005

brokenfingers said:
Is it true that they prefer it if you hand deliver your manuscript to them?

Absolutely!

Live music is always best.

=============

Oh, and if you can't afford a subscription to Ideas Magazine, pick up a used copy of Plotto by William Wallace Cook. It'll run you around $150 a copy or more, but worth every dime.

Liam Jackson · May 26, 2005

Ideas Monthly. Didn't want to use the name of the rag, here. Yeah, King blew the lid off that one, didn't he? The bastid.

The price is steep, but what the hey! Comes with a money back guarantee! I've been selling aluminum cans to raise the $995, so shoot me the link when you have time, please.

Deleted member 42 · May 26, 2005

Jamesaritchie said:
Hmmm, maybe that's what so many new writers have been doing wrong. They do mean 8x11, of course, and all the pro writers I know always trim their paper before submitting stories.

Well, duh, why do they think printers talk about trim size?

Liam Jackson · May 26, 2005

sgtsdaughter said:
Dude . . . you guys are weaklings. I always stick a 20 in after page 30. All my editors must read that far because I've never gotten the 20 back.

Can't always depend on that one. St. Martin's has a slush pile shaker-table.

reph · May 26, 2005

pianoman5 said:
...a few stick-on smilies on your synopsis also usually improves their disposition.

If this is your first contact with the editor, though, it's safer to avoid hackneyed designs like flowers and kittens. I prefer either nudes or religious symbols.

sgtsdaughter · May 26, 2005

Nudes in general, or nudes of the author?

reph · May 26, 2005

sgtsdaughter said:
Nudes in general, or nudes of the author?

The best choice is nudes of the editor's spouse. They show that you're not just sending your manuscript around randomly: you've done your homework. And it's such a personal touch!

Odd guidelines from DAW

Rep Point Whore

It's hard being green

Tired and worried.

Your Genial Uncle

Tired and worried.

Dried Frog Pill Dispenser

Heathen Horde Elder

Rep Point Whore

Not harboring illegal parrot

Tired and worried.

Means well

Walkin' That Road

Your Genial Uncle

Tired and worried.

Nearing the end of an era

Your Genial Uncle

Heathen Horde Elder

Deleted member 42

Heathen Horde Elder

Fig of authority

Nearing the end of an era

Fig of authority