I have a scene in a script where a girl who has just been "turned" by a vampire, and she's changing. At the same time, I want to intercut those shots with the sire's memories. How do I format that?
Have a question about formatting...
- Thread starter gophergrrrl
- Start date
You could do flashbacks, dream sequences, intercuts, there are all sorts of ways, or you could just do scene cuts by doing the scene headings with the years so they get the impressions. Read Underworld, it has this exact sort of thing happen. Highlander might be good too because it often does the look backs, especially in the later ones.
AUDRA falls back, shaken. (Insert a bit of her change here - this isn't really my genre and I have no idea what you have in mind, so I'm not going to try!)
IN DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE, Dracula and Audra meet on a lonely bridge, the city lights glowing behind them. (Or whatever - again, I have no idea what kind of memories you're thinking of.)
AUDRA clutches her face, shaking. She looks up at him in horror. Her teeth are growing.
IN DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE, he and Audra drink burgundy in a lavish but deserted restaurant.
Just a thought - I think it's what I'd do. But I'm no pro.
Or you could try
INT. A DESERTED RESTAURANT (DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE)
IN DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE, Dracula and Audra meet on a lonely bridge, the city lights glowing behind them. (Or whatever - again, I have no idea what kind of memories you're thinking of.)
AUDRA clutches her face, shaking. She looks up at him in horror. Her teeth are growing.
IN DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE, he and Audra drink burgundy in a lavish but deserted restaurant.
Just a thought - I think it's what I'd do. But I'm no pro.
Or you could try
INT. A DESERTED RESTAURANT (DRACULA'S MIND'S EYE)
Why don't you post the scene and we can all have a stab at what you a trying to achieve.
But from a purely technical point of view the "Memories" should be scripted as separate scenes because ultimately that is how they will need to be filmed. But I know that this can really disturb the flow of the story - one way I've seen this type of thing done it to script the memories as a montage sequence...
IE:
The SIRE pulls away from the GIRL and remembers...
CUT TO:
I/E SIRE'S MEMORIES, MONTAGE SEQUENCE - NIGHT
The SIRE is turned by HIS SIRE, his eyes fluttering as the blood drains from his body...
The SIRE'S 1st VICTIM lies dead in a tangle of white sheets...
The SIRE'S 2nd VICTIM gasps as the life is drained from her body...
CUT BACK TO:
The scene where the girl is being turned and whatever happens next.
This way the director can select the moments from scenes he has already shot or if these memories are not already part of the story then these shots can play as mini scenes that will need to be filmed individually.
But from a purely technical point of view the "Memories" should be scripted as separate scenes because ultimately that is how they will need to be filmed. But I know that this can really disturb the flow of the story - one way I've seen this type of thing done it to script the memories as a montage sequence...
IE:
The SIRE pulls away from the GIRL and remembers...
CUT TO:
I/E SIRE'S MEMORIES, MONTAGE SEQUENCE - NIGHT
The SIRE is turned by HIS SIRE, his eyes fluttering as the blood drains from his body...
The SIRE'S 1st VICTIM lies dead in a tangle of white sheets...
The SIRE'S 2nd VICTIM gasps as the life is drained from her body...
CUT BACK TO:
The scene where the girl is being turned and whatever happens next.
This way the director can select the moments from scenes he has already shot or if these memories are not already part of the story then these shots can play as mini scenes that will need to be filmed individually.
For a spec script, I think the following works.
INT. GIRL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Some preliminary action and dialogue then
The sire stares at the girl, does its vampire mojo. The girl's eyes flutter.
INT. SIRE'S CABIN - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
The SIRE is turned by HIS SIRE, his eyes fluttering as the blood drains from his body...
INTERCUT
GIRLS' BEDROOM - Blah, Blah
SIRE'S CABIN - Blah
GIRL'S BEDROOM - Blah
SIRE'S CABIN - Blah
RETURN TO SCENE
The girl is now one fine vampire. Her fangs sparkle.
Continue with action and dialogue in bedroom.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
Ok, here goes. Below is a copy and pasted excerpt from my (finished) script. I'm combing through it for anything that needs to be taken out, re-edited, filled it, etc., as this is the script that I'm currently using in my query letters. I want it to be in best possible condition, so I felt that adding in this flashback scene gave it a little something extra. However, upon doing so, I also discovered that I didn't really know how to format such a scene. The actual material is a bit weak, as I'm only WORKING on this scene right now, so it's subject to change in the near future. My only question is about the formatting. As always, any help is truly appreciated! =o] Here we go...
(Disclaimer: These scenes are NOT formatted. I'll put them in correct format when I put the scene into the script. Also, there are probably typos and such.)
Sarah reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a bejeweled thumb cast with a sharp claw on the end, she slides the cast onto her thumb. She pulls up the sleeve of her coat and runs her fingers across the vein in her wrist, which is now blue and swollen with anticipation. SLICE. Winching but a little, Sarah lays open her wrist with the silver claw. She brings the bleeding wrist to Marla's lips. A single drop of blood falls into Marla's mouth. A RAPID FIRE MONTAGE of imagery and pieces of Sarah's memory INTER CUT with Marla as she writhes and lashes in the bed as she turns.
INTERCUT:
EXT. THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Roman soldiers accost Jesus. He doesn't struggle, but bows his head and goes peacefully.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAYSVILLE, OHIO - SHIP HARBOR - MORNING - FLASHBACK
Slaves are whipped, shoved and dragged from a crowded slave ship like cattle. White men load them into concrete cells that line the floodwalls of the Ohio River. White men are grabbing and taunting at several black women, and yanking their screaming children from their arms.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla THROWS herself, violently, in the bed, screaming. Sarah winces as she watches Marla turn.
CUT TO:
EXT. GERMANY - EVENING - FLASHBACK
German Nazis herd Jewish families into the streets, marching them to boot camp. They beat a man to the ground. His family watches in horror.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla raises up in the bed, her eyes roll back in her head and she moans.
CUT TO:
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Jesus lowers his tired head on the cross.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
FOCUS ON:Marla's fangs emerge from her mouth.
CUT TO:
EXT. JAPAN - DAY - FLASHBACK
A fighter jet zooms through the sky. A JAPANESE MAN looks up to see the circling jet. A beat. The jet circles past again and deploys a bomb.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla gasps, soaked with sweat and, exhausted, she falls backwards into the bed.
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Mary cries at Jesus' feet.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla's eyes snap open. She gasps. Her pupils dilate.
CUT TO:
(Disclaimer: These scenes are NOT formatted. I'll put them in correct format when I put the scene into the script. Also, there are probably typos and such.)
Sarah reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a bejeweled thumb cast with a sharp claw on the end, she slides the cast onto her thumb. She pulls up the sleeve of her coat and runs her fingers across the vein in her wrist, which is now blue and swollen with anticipation. SLICE. Winching but a little, Sarah lays open her wrist with the silver claw. She brings the bleeding wrist to Marla's lips. A single drop of blood falls into Marla's mouth. A RAPID FIRE MONTAGE of imagery and pieces of Sarah's memory INTER CUT with Marla as she writhes and lashes in the bed as she turns.
INTERCUT:
EXT. THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Roman soldiers accost Jesus. He doesn't struggle, but bows his head and goes peacefully.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAYSVILLE, OHIO - SHIP HARBOR - MORNING - FLASHBACK
Slaves are whipped, shoved and dragged from a crowded slave ship like cattle. White men load them into concrete cells that line the floodwalls of the Ohio River. White men are grabbing and taunting at several black women, and yanking their screaming children from their arms.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla THROWS herself, violently, in the bed, screaming. Sarah winces as she watches Marla turn.
CUT TO:
EXT. GERMANY - EVENING - FLASHBACK
German Nazis herd Jewish families into the streets, marching them to boot camp. They beat a man to the ground. His family watches in horror.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla raises up in the bed, her eyes roll back in her head and she moans.
CUT TO:
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Jesus lowers his tired head on the cross.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
FOCUS ON:Marla's fangs emerge from her mouth.
CUT TO:
EXT. JAPAN - DAY - FLASHBACK
A fighter jet zooms through the sky. A JAPANESE MAN looks up to see the circling jet. A beat. The jet circles past again and deploys a bomb.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla gasps, soaked with sweat and, exhausted, she falls backwards into the bed.
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Mary cries at Jesus' feet.
CUT TO:
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla's eyes snap open. She gasps. Her pupils dilate.
CUT TO:
OH! Also, I forgot to add; I had trouble picking out some severe points of history to use for the flashbacks. I wanted to use all actual events of atrocities throughout the existance of man, but quite frankly, I'm just not much of a history buff. I had planned to do more research and find a greater variety of events that tied together a little better, as these seemed to have a bit of an awkward flow to me. I'll accept suggests on that if anyone has any. =o]
So, just kind of take that excerpt as an example if you find it awkward as well. I plan to do a lot more work on it to make it smoother. Thanks for listening guys. =o]
So, just kind of take that excerpt as an example if you find it awkward as well. I plan to do a lot more work on it to make it smoother. Thanks for listening guys. =o]
It looks cluttered with the unnecessary CUT TO: between scenes.
Also, since you'er beginng each flashback with a scene heading, you don't need to INTERCUT. Intercut is used when you have established two locations, as in a phone conversation, and you move between the locations without repeating the scene headings.
Finally that last sentence in the first action/description block is redundant.
No need to tell the reader what is comming. You can easily transition into the first flashback.
For example:
. . . She brings the bleeding wrist to Marla's lips. She stares at a drop of blood falling into Marla's mouth.
EXT. THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Roman soldiers accost Jesus. He doesn't struggle, but bows his head and goes peacefully.
EXT. MAYSVILLE, OHIO - SHIP HARBOR - MORNING - FLASHBACK
Slaves are whipped, shoved and dragged from a crowded slave ship like cattle. White men load them into concrete cells that line the floodwalls of the Ohio River. White men are grabbing and taunting at several black women, and yanking their screaming children from their arms.
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla THROWS herself, violently, in the bed, screaming. Sarah winces as she watches Marla turn.
EXT. GERMANY - EVENING - FLASHBACK
German Nazis herd Jewish families into the streets, marching them to boot camp. They beat a man to the ground. His family watches in horror.
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla raises up in the bed, her eyes roll back in her head and she moans.
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Jesus lowers his tired head on the cross.
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
FOCUS ON:Marla's fangs emerge from her mouth.
EXT. JAPAN - DAY - FLASHBACK
A fighter jet zooms through the sky. A JAPANESE MAN looks up to see the circling jet. A beat. The jet circles past again and deploys a bomb.
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla gasps, soaked with sweat and, exhausted, she falls backwards into the bed.
EXT. A MOUNTAIN - EVENING - FLASHBACK
Mary cries at Jesus' feet.
INT. THE COVEN - MARLA'S ROOM - NEAR MORNING
Marla's eyes snap open. She gasps. Her pupils dilate.
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Just note that this is a shooting script and CUT TO: is not used in a spec script.
The Hollywood Standard.
As close as anything comes to the last word on the subject of script format.
It's a good idea to know this stuff cold before you start contacting agents.
As close as anything comes to the last word on the subject of script format.
It's a good idea to know this stuff cold before you start contacting agents.
There's a similar montage to this in "The Fifth Element" (Directed by Luc Besson) near the end of the movie where Lilo learns about W on the computer... I tried to find it in one of the drafts of the script that I have but its different in the actual film... May be worth checking out.