What's the best way to write, Eyes open wide.

Trish · May 30, 2008

I need some help, with wording a sentence to discribe someone who is shocked. eg:

Molly ran out to the garden and stopped in her tracks, she looked with wide open eyes at....

Is there a better way I could write this?

Than you, Trish.

Little Red Barn · May 30, 2008

Trish said:
I need some help, with wording a sentence to discribe someone who is shocked. eg:

Molly ran out to the garden and stopped in her tracks, she looked with wide open eyes at....

Is there a better way I could write this?

Than you, Trish.

Hey sweetie, give it a try if you don't mind.

Molly was running towards the garden, then stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes widened in disbelief. Sitting two feet away was a

Molly ran out towards the garden and suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes widened like milk saucers.

ETA: I'm using a s on toward as I figure you may use it over in Aussie.

Trish · May 30, 2008

Thanks Kimmi. That's right, she's looking at a big kangaroo.

That helps a lot. Thank you, that's great.

Little Red Barn · May 30, 2008

Well, I'm sure others will have some great ones for you too! Take care of my Godchild.

Toothpaste · May 30, 2008

There is also "she looked, wide eyed, at the whatever . . ."

Trish · May 30, 2008

Hey, thanks, Toothpaste. Why couldn't I see that with my eyes. Thats great!

Molly ran out to the garden and stopped in her tracks, she looked wide eyed at the....

I should have just written it like this in the first place. hehe Sometimes my brain dosen't work. That is so simple.

Kimi, Molly's still a brat! LOL.

Jeffery E Doherty · May 31, 2008

Her eyes were like ping-pong balls.

JED

Trish · May 31, 2008

That's a good one Jeff. I'll write that one down for future use.

MsJudy · May 31, 2008

Decisions, decisions!

If you don't want to draw attention to the phrase, Toothpaste's way is neat and to the point.

If you want the writing to sparkle a little more, JED's suggestion is the way to go. The stretch is finding your own, original way to compare it. Think of all the big, round things in the world: ping pong balls, gooseberries, fifty-cent jawbreakers... The thing you choose to compare her eyes to will color the way the reader sees the image.

Elvira stepped into the room and stopped, her eyes as big as leeches after a full meal....

Trish · May 31, 2008

Thanks, JudScotKev. I will use all of them at some stage. For this particular sentence I think Toothpaste's version suits. But, I have written down the other ones for the future.

Thank you, everyone.

What's the best way to write, Eyes open wide.

Trish

Little Red Barn

haz own threads

Trish

Little Red Barn

haz own threads

Toothpaste

THE RECKLESS RESCUE is out now!

Trish

Jeffery E Doherty

Trish

MsJudy

Trish