The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Ken Hoss · May 15, 2013

Love the rewrite, kkbe, draws me in.

Three.

Wait, what happened to two?

Yeah, what happened to two?

JWNelson, welcome to the LOD thread. :welcome:

No judgement or crits here. Of course if you like the lines posted by others, you're more than free to comment.

I was flying solo and Nixon was still president and I’d just wasted two hours surrounded by lonely old bags and drunken businessmen, plus four bucks on watery rum and Cokes.

Sounds like a flight I was on once, heading from Dallas to Atlanta, right down to the watery drinks. :tongue

Didn't get a lot yesterday, between the day job and this current scene. Trying to push through it, but it's tough. Kevin is in the hospital, near death after being kidnapped by the Cartel. To show you what I'm facing, here is the latest line.

Kelli stood there, frozen, the panic rising in her throat. She wanted to run back into the room, beat on Kevin’s chest, and beg him not to die. A third nurse came around the corner, pushing a large cart and brushed past Kelli and into the room. She watched, helpless, as they frantically worked on Kevin, the doctor shouting out orders, picking up the paddles. “Clear.”

Mr Mitchell · May 15, 2013

I sat on the edge of the bed and drank the drink, closed my eyes and then horrible memorizes cumulated in my mind.

IAMWRITER · May 15, 2013

Casey's mother has just been killed and Kevin fears for both of them...

“I’m not asking you.” He felt his voice catching. He got to his feet and stood over her. “Look at what this man has done to you…your mother. He’s not going to stop and I fear that if we stay here, something bad is going to happen again.”

Nothing. No sound or movement. She just stared into the distance.

“I’m not going to let that happen. I’m not going to lose you.”

Introversion · May 15, 2013

This is going to leave one person disappointed, and the other damaged.

He rocked, stunned, nearly fell to the ground, caught himself, dazed, shook his head to clear it.

“Yield?”

He screamed, wordless, spray of bloody spittle, tensed to spring. I pushed back into Quick. Something in me wanted this, was gleeful, hadn’t wanted him to yield. I kicked him in the mid-section, and again. Slapped him in the head with the side of my blade, Maylee screaming through the air, branding him, bloody bruise-print. I punched him, and again, and again. I felt the ground lifting, tilting towards him, my feet slipping, pushing me towards him, me scrambling to pull back, to stop beating him, vision hazing, but something singing, in me, alive, wanting this, wanting this so badly, going faster, over a cliff, falling, losing control, of me.

Ken Hoss · May 16, 2013

Love the lines!

From today. Larsen, Kelli and Eric are talking to Ivan Buryakov, one of the bad guys, who is now in protective custody at Rikers. Larsen is trying to persuade him to wear a wire and get the big boss to talk about the crimes he's committed.

“Easy, you’re going to meet with him and you’re going to get him to talk,” he said and grinned.

Buryakov leaned back in his chair, his eyes wide. “You are soomashyedshiy*, crazy. He is knowing that I have talked, and he is wanting me dead.”

* adj. lunatic, crazy, insane; not mentally sound; of or for the insane

n. madman, lunatic, maniac, one who is mentally deranged

WriterTrek · May 16, 2013

Well, it's not from today, but figured I'd participate as well. I'm working on revising this scene after a few weeks of distraction due to RL circumstances:

I enjoyed a few blissful seconds of silence before a gigantic spider with black, spiky hair, red eyes, and a leg span over a foot long came scurrying in through the now open window.

@Ken -- I like the use of the word soomashyedshiy, it's interesting and somehow fits with the accent. Sounds like a neat scene as well.

Ken Hoss · May 16, 2013

WriterTrek said:
Well, it's not from today, but figured I'd participate as well. I'm working on revising this scene after a few weeks of distraction due to RL circumstances:

I enjoyed a few blissful seconds of silence before a gigantic spider with black, spiky hair, red eyes, and a leg span over a foot long came scurrying in through the now open window.

@Ken -- I like the use of the word soomashyedshiy*, it's interesting and somehow fits with the accent. Sounds like a neat scene as well.

Welcome to the LOD thread, WriterTrek! :welcome:

Don't think I want to meet your spider here. Wow!

Well, this scene is relatively tame compared to others, but thanks. I'm having fun with this one, mostly because I'm getting to brush up on my Russian and Spanish. Not to mention all of the great research I get to do.

* сумасшедший

IAMWRITER · May 16, 2013

Tully offers Casey protection but she is not too keen...

“For God’s sake, Desmond. Just say it. You’re placing me into witness protection.”

“Would you rather be their next victim?”

“I’d rather they’d be my next victim,” she muttered, picking away at a cuticle. “But no doubt, I don’t have a say in the matter and, as of this minute, my name is Mary Pickler who owns a cow ranch in Texas.”

Ken Hoss · May 17, 2013

“I’d rather they’d be my next victim,” she muttered, picking away at a cuticle. “But no doubt, I don’t have a say in the matter and, as of this minute, my name is Mary Pickler who owns a cow ranch in Texas.”

IAMWRITER, I think I know her. She has a little spread just outside of Waco. Or maybe I'm thinking of the Mary Pickler who has the ranch north of Houston. ??? :tongue

Well, just started on the last chapter of this one, and not sure if I'm happy or sad. I do still get to do the edits and revisions though. In honor of the last chapter, here is the first line. Kelli, Larsen and FBI Special Agent Petrov are sitting in a surveillance van down the street from a Russian restaruant, waiting to nab one of the bad guys.

The surveillance van was a little too crowded for her liking, and she was still curious why Greg had invited Jacob Petrov along for the show.

Mr Mitchell · May 17, 2013

This is fresh of the boat:

I hear the bus revving up but the pipes exhaust of the bus crackling and the engine goes into a mode of shutdown.

IAMWRITER · May 17, 2013

I'm thinking this may be the opener for my follow-up WIP...

It had been eight nights since the last night she had cried herself to sleep.

Mr Mitchell · May 18, 2013

Here is my line of the day:

A great man who is from New York had hitch up here before and see the preceding dangers, which falls almost every damn night because there are these rustlers and even people in the cars that could be in a gang or is a serial killer, you can never be so sure.

Ken Hoss · May 20, 2013

No words this weekend, so close to the end that I think I'm procrastinating on purpose. Do have words today though. Just wrote this. Kelli, Greg and FBI Special Agent Jacob Petrov are working to bust Andropov, the BIG boss. Unfortunately, it doesn't go as planned. Their snitch/bait doesn't fare too well.

Petrov came jogging up behind her and stopped, eyeing Andropov and trying to catch his breath. He leaned in, close to her ear. “Found him in the men’s room, in a stall, ice pick stuck into his right ear,” he said and winched. “Not a pretty sight.”

gcsalamon · May 20, 2013

Finally writing again and having a ball.

CHAPTER 1

He had murder on his mind. Not the quick, bang bang you’re dead kind of killing, either, but the slow, torturous, painful kind. The kind meant to make your victim beg for mercy.

Introversion · May 20, 2013

Ew.

The sight of another person here, on this night of all nights, was like lifting a welcome mug of cold spring water and finding a turd in it.

kkbe · May 21, 2013

gcsalamon said:
He had murder on his mind.

I really like that as a first line. Glad you're having a blast, btw.

onesecondglance · May 21, 2013

One from tonight's wordage. The detectives are in the evil security company's offices, and the staff are feeling a bit jumpy (probably caused by the bodies the real bad guy left behind).

There was an odd atmosphere hanging around the place. Not the sort of thing she could put in a report, or even explain if anyone asked, but it tripped her nerves. Ever so gentle, like fingers sliding down the strings of a guitar. The staff were feeling it too, whatever it was. A couple of them stole glances at Sel and the others, but it seemed more like they were watching the guards. Perhaps it was easier to deal with the idea of Panopticon when it wasn't sticking a gun in your face and telling you to stay quiet.

Ken Hoss · May 21, 2013

No LOD, almost finished with the first draft. Just wanted to say, I LOVE THIS THREAD! Awesome lines, all!

Ken Hoss · May 22, 2013

Okay, so this is from yesterday, and near the end of the book. Kelli and Greg Larsen are discussing how the State Department screwed up and let Andropov walk. Kelli is just a little left of pissed.

****Language****

Kelli looked at him and shook her head. “Fidiots,”* she said and sighed.

Greg gave her a puzzled look. “What’d you say? Fidiots*? What the hell is that?”

“It’s just a word I made up by combining fucking and idiot, or fidiot*. Just easier to say, at least for me.”

* Registered/Copyrighted 2010

Yes, I invented this word.

(Driving home one evening in rush hour traffic.)

Mr Mitchell · May 22, 2013

Here's mine. This time Porter is going about his business crazily. Lots of dialogue and it starts with a cop that's not Porter:

“Yes, sadly you were. But we want you to help. Let say bygone be bygone, what do you say?” he reply with his very own question.

“No. Because I am my very own man and I do things my way. I will take this case myself after I get a license for my private investigator agency.”

“That’s fine. But guess what? We won’t be helping you.”

“Good, as I don’t want your help. I am more capable finding it out and making a case of this. I bet you now that when I start running my business and start working on this case, I find more things then you have done in space of what? Two weeks?”

“We will see, Mr. Porter.”

Introversion · May 22, 2013

Emotional hangovers can be bad too.

Old Lome awoke before dawn of the next day. He lay quietly on his side, eyes closed, on his cot in the dark, waiting for the sun. Once speaking to Travelers had felt good; had purged him, had scrubbed his mood raw and pink with tingling relief. In recent years, the compulsion was an outpouring of himself, and what remained was increasingly ringing hollow. More than once, he’d wondered if he should continue the vigils. More than once, he’d wondered whether he had a choice.

IAMWRITER · May 22, 2013

Casey is talking about her "funeral" to her old buddy Riggs...

“No. Apart from being incredibly suspicious and morbid to go to my own funeral, it was also geographically impossible – I spent a month in Edinburgh.”

“Damn, girl. You know how much people would kill to go to their own service…find out who’s mourning you and who’s dancing on your fresh grave.”

gcsalamon · May 22, 2013

A touch from today's work:

_____________________________________

The clerk was most definitely d-e-a-d dead. And if Ava knew anything about the proper way to kill a man, he’d died instantly. That was usually the way of things when half your face had been blown off.

gcsalamon · May 23, 2013

It's late at night. Ava stops at an out of the way convenience store - totally unaware that she is about to discovery a dead body. Again!

_________________________________________________________

A bell above the door jingled as she entered. From somewhere overhead came the voice of Freddie Mercury singing about Another One Bites the Dust. Without conscious thought, Ava began bouncing to the beat and humming along.

Ken Hoss · May 24, 2013

Love the lines, GC. (Now I have that song stuck in my head! :tongue

)

From the new WIP, The River Walk Murders. This is in the killers POV.

The girl was quiet now, a glistening pool of red the only evidence that she had once been alive. He sat on his haunches a few feet away, arms wrapped around his body, slowly rocking back and forth. The adrenaline still coursed through him, heightened his senses, and he loved every second of it.

The Line of the Day--NO CRITTING

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

QWERTY!!!

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

QWERTY!!!

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

QWERTY!!!

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Gina

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!

Huh.

pretending to be awake

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel

Pie aren't squared, pie are round!

QWERTY!!!

Gina

Gina

Storm Rising A Kelli Storm Novel