Scenes from a hat!

Nymtoc · May 18, 2013

3. Katrina and the Warts

Zeddo · May 18, 2013

4. The Fatty Acids

Diver · May 20, 2013

5. Well, the glam group Screaming Hair's fame was short lived after they traded their tights for blue jeans and went from soprano to baritone.

Excuses not to sit down when you have hemorrhoids.

JoBird · May 20, 2013

1. Oh goodness. It seems like I pooped my pants, so I probably shouldn't sit down till I get it all cleaned up. Anyway, what were you saying?

iLion · May 20, 2013

2. I'm sorry, but I have severe knee problems. Once I sit, I can't get back up. Ever. Really.. ever.

JoBird · May 20, 2013

3. A seat? Oh, no, thank you, but no. You see, uhm, well, uh . . . I just got out of prison, and the inmates there gave me the worst going away gift ever. So I probably won't be sitting for like a week or more.

Phew. At least they don't know about my embarrassing hemrrhoids, I thought.

NathanBrazil · May 20, 2013

4.
-Sir I'm going to have to ask you to sit down, you're blocking the people behind you.
After a vigorous yoga workout, I'm suffering from severe ass sprain. Points to random patron close to him. Any further inquiries should be directed to my lawyer.

Defos · May 20, 2013

5. Practicing for the endurance surf championships so tell the guy behind if he wants to see the screen move his own ass.

The best excuse to give your mom for playing truant.

iLion · May 20, 2013

1. I was really planning on going... today was the school-wide "Share Your Family Stories" day in the gym, and I wanted to tell them all about those wild and crazy and stupid things you said you did in your hippie days - but I lost the paper I wrote about it and spent all day looking for it. Maybe next time, huh?

archerjoe · May 21, 2013

2. I went to the school of hard knocks, instead.

JoBird · May 21, 2013

3. "I learned it from watching you, Mom! I learned it from watching you!"

Jehhillenberg · May 21, 2013

4. Every single morning, I seem to miss the bus. It never fails. I set my alarm clock. I get out there, and the bus is driving away. It doesn't stop or turn back. There's no one else to catch a ride with either...because they're all on that school bus!

Zeddo · May 21, 2013

5. The school said they didn't have the resources to teach gifted kids like me and they needed the space for the ordinary kids.

Things that make it awkward to have guests over

Chris P · May 21, 2013

1. The living room floor battlefield of GI Joe and Star Wars versus My Little Pony and Johnny West

NathanBrazil · May 22, 2013

2. All of the furniture is made from human body parts. "I just took taxidermy to the next level."

Nymtoc · May 22, 2013

3. Despite all the bleach you used, the bloodstains are still visible in the hall leading from the bedroom to the garage.

archerjoe · May 22, 2013

4. Yes, I realize it's a cow but I don't have a barn to keep it in. Just watch where you step and you'll be OK.

Robbert · May 22, 2013

5. Your fridge is empty.

Reasons given as to why you walk around town in a hat, coat, scarf and gloves when it's 30°C (86 F)...

iLion · May 22, 2013

1. My tin hat and aluminum suit are at the cleaners.

Nymtoc · May 22, 2013

2. With the climate changing so unpredictably, I've got to be prepared (I'm wearing swim trunks under all this other stuff).

archerjoe · May 23, 2013

3. I'm denying global warming

Kaiser-Kun · May 23, 2013

4. I'm training for when I die and go to Hell.

Jamiekswriter · May 23, 2013

5. It's the sweat your ass off diet. I've already lost 5 lbs. The downside is the aroma. ::sniff:: Do you have any deoderant? I've ran out.

New Disney Princess

iLion · May 23, 2013

1. Princess of the land where 'everything is fit for a queen'... position filled by Richard Simmons.

NathanBrazil · May 23, 2013

2.

Scenes from a hat!

Benefactor Member

Talk to the hat

keyboard crawler

Why do I say these things?

riff-raff

Why do I say these things?

N/A

Talk to the hat

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

riff-raff

Benefactor Member

Practical experience FTW

Why do I say these things?

Benefactor Member

!

USA Today Bestselling Author

Why do I say these things?

riff-raff